Broken Rose of Texas, page 19
Then, she stiffened. Darryl’s words swirled through my head. Regan was angry. I knew that before she tilted her head back, eyes blazing blue fire.
I braced myself for her words.
“You lied to me.” She stepped out of my embrace as she hardened her stance.
So, Regan had read about the situation with Dean and Dianna. Not that I should have hoped she wouldn’t see it. Though, I had hoped that. A fist seemed to slam behind my ribs and I winced. She had every right to be upset with me.
“I’ve been trying to tell you.” Sort of. Not very hard. Because I didn’t want to have this conversation. “That’s why I came up to Oklahoma City. Why I texted you about needing to talk…”
“You were going to tell me then?” She paused, seeming to gather her composure. “Why didn’t you?”
I ignored the people moving around us, needing to set the record straight now before she built new walls I’d have to scale.
“The night I was drunk? Dianna cornered me outside a restaurant earlier that day. And she said the boy...Sean…could be mine.”
Regan stepped back, color draining from her face. “I read that. In a gossip magazine, Carter.”
I wanted to look away, to let my guilt overwhelm me, but I forced myself to hold her gaze, which blazed with righteous indignation but also…aw, hell. She was hurt. Deeply.
“I read the story about my boyfriend, a story everyone else seems to already know, in a stupid tabloid.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I did try to tell you.” When her gaze slashed at me, I held up my hands. “I…it’s been a long time since I’ve had to consider someone else’s feelings, and I guess I just missed the mark there.”
That sounded pathetic even to my own ears. We both knew I hadn’t wanted to tell her. And I was pretty sure I’d just made the situation worse with my lackluster apology.
She closed her eyes as emotions flitted across her face. She blew out a breath and steadied herself, clearly needing some space. I didn’t want to give her any. She didn’t let me decide. She hugged her arms over her chest and stepped further back.
“You lied to me,” she said again.
“I didn’t,” I said, adamant.
“You never mentioned you might have a child. With your ex. That’s a big, big deal.”
“I might,” I said, my voice tight. “Though…” Again I trailed off, unsure what to say.
Disappointment flared through me. I wanted her to tell me she’d continue to stick by me, but how could I ask her to do that?
“Can you give me a minute?” she asked. Her eyes were dazed and she didn’t seem steady on her feet. Then she said, “I want you to leave.”
“What?” I asked. I felt supercharged, like I’d been hit by a bolt of lightning. No way Regan was kicking me out.
She squared her shoulders, her jaw set. “I thought about this earlier, and I can’t be with someone who lies to me.”
“Regan…”
She made a chopping motion with her hand as she blinked back tears with the same ruthlessness I’d seen her do the first night I met her. “I can’t be with a man I can’t trust. I’ve done that already. With James. With…with my mother. With Vannah.” She drew herself up, much as she’d done when she prepared to face her father.
And then the words, those terrible words fell from her lips, landing between us.
“I can’t trust you.”
I recoiled even as I shut down. I was the one who’d been wronged. By Dianna and Dean. How dare Regan try to paint me as the bad guy.
I clenched my teeth, the anger fueling my ability to keep the hurt from Regan’s rejection at bay. “Fine.”
I spun on my heel, stalking toward the door. In the reflection of the glass offset in the stage door, I saw her crumple to the floor, almost as if she’d used up all her reserves to get through these last, emotionally-charged moments with me.
Mindy rushed to her side. Darryl scowled as I strode past him.
Her choked sob ripped at my heart, but I kept going, my vision focused on the space between me, a buzzing building in my ears.
Regan broke up with me.
As I exited the venue, I leaned against the wall, taking a halting breath.
My chest ached and my eyes stung. I’d just lost something in that room, something with Regan, that I’d never had before.
My heart, definitely. But I feared, in my unwillingness to trust her with my deepest secrets, I’d lost the only woman who could ever love me with the ferocity and strength I felt for her.
35
Regan
Mindy was at my side. She cleared her throat, her gaze apologetic when I finally met it. “Your fans are going to start coming back now.”
I nodded, numb. “I’ll be right there.”
She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the backstage corridor. She led me into the large room we used for the meet-and-greet and shut the door. I struggled to keep my lip from trembling. Tears threatened to fall.
I’d done what I set out to do: I broke it off with Carter. I’d been smart this time, not like I was with James.
“Get it together,” Mindy said. “These girls are going to want to see the fun woman who was out there tonight. Personal drama cannot interfere.”
“Carter’s more than drama.” Rather, he had been. Until I told him to leave.
I tried to control my shaking hands. Forcing Carter from my life might hurt now, but, in the long run, I’d saved myself more hurt.
“Because he would have hurt me like James did, wouldn’t he?” I asked Mindy.
Mindy shrugged. “You seemed to like Carter. And he clearly liked spending time with you. I mean, he came to another one of your shows tonight…”
We froze when a noise from the far side of the room echoed off the walls. We turned to see John Mitchell sitting on a couch, his recorder on his knee, a smug smile firmly planted on his lips.
“Don’t stop on my account.” John tipped his head toward the door. “Ah. This ought to be interesting.”
Footsteps sounded just outside the door, and then, Olin stood, poised in the doorway. His face was darker than a rainy Austin night.
“Dad.” I reeled around to face my father. “What are you doing here?”
“I heard you threw Carter out tonight.” He smiled, genuine warmth radiating from his lips. In fact, he beamed with joy. “That was so smart, sweetie. He’s a lowlife. Knocking up women and then manhandling them.”
Hearing the words from my father’s mouth, and in front of a rabid reporter, made my spine stiffen.
“You sure about that?” I asked.
Dad spread his arms, fingers splayed. “That—man—just wants in your pants and your bank account.”
Mindy grimaced as she turned away, her distaste at my father’s account obvious.
“No, he doesn’t,” I said. Carter didn’t want or need my money. That, at least, I was sure of. “If he did, he could have already been there. And the only one in this room that’s focused on my money is you.”
I sucked in a ragged breath. Why had it taken me so long to see that my father didn’t care about me? He cared about the money I made. The wealth he seemed to consider his own.
“No, Everly…” he began.
“My name is Regan. That’s the one on my birth certificate.”
Carter called me Regan. Carter saw me, not the stage persona. Maybe he wasn’t like James. Maybe he wasn’t like my father.
I’d asked him to leave. Told him we were done. Because he lied to me. Like my father had.
John Mitchell shifted in his seat, clearly enjoying the drama unfolding in front of him. I wanted to run. I wanted to cry. I wanted to rage.
John would write up every little detail and I’d have to relive tonight again, in stories and through another round of questions from other reporters.
“Your mother named you Regan,” Dad said on a long sigh. “I always wanted a sweet little Everly. A pop princess. And you are, which is why you can forget that silly little side experiment with Camden Grace.”
I’d known my father must have heard about that, and he assumed that since Carter and I broke it off, I wouldn’t want to pursue any more songs with Cam. My dad looked so smug, like he’d won an important game. He wasn’t concerned about how I felt, what I wanted.
And, as I looked at him, I could admit the painful truth: Olin Leroux wanted a famous kid under his thumb. One he could manipulate and control. And I’d let him do that to me for years because I feared he’d stop loving me if I stood up to him.
Trying to avoid that truth didn’t make it any less valid or real. I wasn’t sure if Cam would want to work with me now that I’d cut my relationship off with his brother, but that didn’t negate the direction I wanted to take my career.
I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, appraising my father. Darryl stood behind Dad, his face contorted with concern. I glanced over at Mindy, who wore an identical expression to Darryl’s.
My dancers poured through the door, all of them veering away from Olin. They always did that, I realized. They went out of their way to avoid my father.
Because he was toxic. He pushed and prodded me into doing what he wanted for my career.
Never mind that I had my own opinions and aspirations.
Tonight was a night of painful decisions. Ones that might not all be correct, but they’d allow me to focus on my career, on becoming a woman I could face in the mirror each day.
“It’s time for you to go,” I whispered.
“What?” Olin snapped.
I’d forced Carter out of my life for lying to me. Now, it was time to force my father out of my professional life for using my talent for his gain.
I drew myself up as my gaze flicked to Darryl. The big man and two others stepped forward, barely leaving enough space between our bodies for me to peek through toward my dad, almost like it was a prepared and choreographed response. It wasn’t, at least on my end. But Darryl took protecting me seriously.
I drew a shaky breath and said the words I’d forced down so many times in the past. “You’re fired.”
Utter silence filled the room. Olin tore his gaze from mine, then dropped his head to his chest.
“You’d do that?” he rumbled. “To me?”
I trembled, but I faced him full-on. “I should have done this months ago. Maybe years. I have to take control of my career, and I’ve been too afraid to do so because of you.”
John edged closer, no doubt recording this entire interaction. Yet, even knowing this would more than likely be tomorrow’s juicy news, I stood tall and firm. Because severing this part of my relationship with my father was the right choice.
“I’ve always wanted to make music like my mom. You’ve known that and yet you pushed and pushed me in another direction. That has to stop.” I sucked in both my lips in an attempt to stop them from trembling. My entire chin wobbled.
I swiped at my tear-filled eyes. “I’m not happy, Daddy. And I’m not my mother.”
Instead of arguing as I expected, Olin studied me. Then, he seemed to pull into himself further. “You’re right. I didn’t want to see it, but you’re right.” He pressed his hands to his face and his shoulders began to shake.
My fingers turned icy and my whole body trembled.
“After James hurt you so badly. But I worried after your friend…” He cleared his throat.
Mindy stood, tense, arms crossed, near the door.
“What do you mean?” I blinked, trying to keep more tears from falling.
Olin swallowed, a thick, heavy sound. He wiped his cheeks. “That girl, Savannah. Your friend. She propositioned James. I saw her.”
“What?” Mindy and I spoke in unison.
“She was killing herself. James was, too, and all I could think is I pushed you into that show, into that lion’s den. You told me you didn’t want that, but how could I let you track your career like your mother?”
He cleared his throat, his eyes red. “I didn’t want you to end up like her. That Savannah girl. Or your mother.”
Whatever else my dad was, he’d loved his wife. Even I could see he cared for me, too. But the way he went about showing that left much to be desired.
“I thought going out on your own might solve the drug issue. That’s why I pushed so hard for that initial record deal. I’ve seen how unhappy you’ve become, and I know you’ve been putting me off during this tour.”
“I kept thinking it would get better. You’d see how I was making the best choices to ensure your future. But you just kept getting sadder.” My father glanced over at Darryl before dropping his gaze, his face filled with contrition. “I don’t want you miserable, so I got you pills. Darryl was right about that.”
“Why?” I could barely choke the word past the lump in my throat. My father just admitted to intentionally drugging me. I’d heard Darryl before, but until this moment the enormity of what he did hadn’t hit me.
My father gave me drugs without my knowledge. Without my consent.
That betrayal rippled through me. Another level of pain I didn’t know how to handle. I managed to stay standing, keenly aware of John’s bright gaze and his recorder.
My entire life was going to be splashed all over tomorrow’s papers and the Internet.
Savannah propositioned James. My eyes flashed over to Mindy, asking if she’d known. Her face was pinched as she shook her head, her eyes drifting toward John before dropping to her white knuckles where they clutched her clipboard.
My father sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I know what drugs do. I saw what they did to your mother, to your friend. Savannah wasn’t the same person. She laughed about hurting you. They both did.”
A new slash of pain cut into my heart. “I didn’t know…and you didn’t tell me…”
“I didn’t want you to suffer more. James made you miserable. You wouldn’t talk to me, but I could see it. I was so glad when you broke up with that boy.”
Olin turned toward John, as I tried to process these newest revelations. “My daughter means the world to me. I can only hope that you’ll tell the world the truth about her. I…”
He cleared his throat again. And I had to swallow hard to battle down the ache building in mine.
“I apologize for the way I behaved. I should never have forced you to do things you didn’t want to do.”
Darryl kept me from launching myself at him. My mind buzzed with the information he’d tossed at me, so casually. Details of my life I hadn’t known but that hurt, terribly.
“Daddy, I love you. I will always love you. But you hurt me by not listening to what I need. You can’t make these decisions for me anymore. I have to stand on my own. I have to live my life.”
He nodded once. “I’m just…I’m going to go back to the hotel to pack.”
He dipped his head, his face having aged, thanks to the ravages of grief. He shuffled toward the door as though the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders. While I felt for the man, concern weighted my chest and limbs as I worried over the hurt he’d so willingly caused me over the years.
He’d drugged me.
That story hadn’t been a lie.
And now all the world would know it, thanks to John Mitchell.
I’d fired my father.
Late as it was, I insisted on driving down to Austin just in case Cam still wanted me there at the studio tomorrow. I couldn’t give up that hope as well.
Not as everything else in my life imploded.
I ignored Darryl’s grumbling as I sat in the passenger seat of the fancy SUV Mindy had rented for me. I’d showered and changed into a soft tee and cotton capri pants. My suitcase was in the back. But for the second time in a week, I’d left Mindy, and the rest of my staff. This time, they would head out of Dallas toward Houston without me. I needed space from them, space to figure out what I wanted. What I needed.
We sat in silence for a while, me absorbing what I’d said and the enormity of what I’d just done, and Darryl glancing at me much too often for a driver. He finally reached over and covered my hand with his.
I jolted at the contact. He wasn’t a touchy-feeling man, and I had never encouraged that level of closeness. I didn’t want it now.
“I…” No further words formed.
“You were really brave, Regan. What you did tonight. That was hard.”
“My father probably hates me now,” I said. My nose stung but I blinked back the building tears.
“I doubt it,” Darryl said, his tone thoughtful. “I mean…he’s maybe embarrassed. But tell me this…does he love being your manager? I mean, truly look forward to getting up each day talking to the record people and the concert venues?”
I shook my head. My father enjoyed power but he didn’t like this work.
“Then, in the long run, he’ll be relieved.”
“What if he won’t talk to me again?” I asked.
Darryl’s big hand squeezed mine. “That’s his loss.”
Silence filled the luxury cabin of the Land Rover. Just like Carter’s vehicle. Had Mindy gotten it on purpose, to make me feel even worse? I extricated my hand from Darryl’s and once again looked out the window.
“But I don’t think it’ll come to that,” Darryl said.
“And Carter? Do you think he’s like James?” I asked.
We drove by trees and buildings. The desolation of the road surprised me. But, then, I normally stayed in the back of the bus, not paying attention to the scenery.
Darryl was quiet so long, I started to nod off. When he spoke, it was so softly that I suspected he didn’t want me to hear. “No. I don’t think Carter’s like James. But it doesn’t matter what I think.”
Darryl drove to my house, the one I’d bought a few weeks ago, sight unseen. Online, I’d liked the mid-century feel of the place, but mostly, I loved the view of the lake.
The house was better than the pictures. I loved the fifties décor and the smooth wooden floors. The beds were all made, courtesy of the decorator I’d hired. So far, she’d managed to complete two of the bedrooms and the dining room. I still needed furniture for the living room and the rest of the house, but it was functional enough. I showed Darryl to the made-up guest room.
