Skye Blue, page 15
part #6 of Firsts and Forever Series
The professor stared at me for a beat, then simply said, “Okay,” and went back to whatever he’d been doing before I tried to make a break for it.
“Oh. Well, cool.” I grinned embarrassedly at my classmates, all of whom were still staring at me, then left the studio quickly.
When I got outside, I sat on a bench beneath a big tree, pulled out my phone and unzipped my backpack to reveal the number on the cover of my drawing pad. But then I just sat there for a while.
What was I going to say if Dare answered Mac’s phone? Hell, what was I going to say if Mac answered Mac’s phone? He’d given me that number strictly for emergencies. It most definitely had not been a ‘feel free to call and chat’ kind of thing. I chewed on my lower lip as I mulled this over and eventually decided I really couldn’t call.
I dialed my place of employment instead. The club was closed on Mondays, so I knew it was a total longshot that anyone would pick up. My employer answered on the second ring. “Oh. Um, hi Mr. Sandberg, I’m surprised you’re there. It’s Skye, by the way.”
“Hi kid. I’m doing paperwork, my bookkeeper quit. Call me Gary, okay? It’s nice that you’ve got manners, it’s pretty rare these days. But the Mr. Sandberg thing makes me feel ancient and I don’t really need any help in that department.”
“Sure. Sorry. Um, can I ask you a question about Dare?”
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, his last name for one thing. Is it something like MacDonald or MacIntyre?”
“It’s Evans. Why do you ask?”
“Oh. Well, I was trying to figure out if the nickname ‘Mac’ might possibly apply to him.”
“You lost me, kid.”
“I know. I really need to talk to him, but I’m assuming you can’t give out employees’ addresses or phone numbers or anything.”
“Right. You’re both on the schedule tomorrow night though, so maybe you could just talk to him then.”
“I don’t think I can go that long without knowing.”
“Knowing what?”
“If Dare is my soul mate.”
Sandberg chuckled at that. “There’s nothin’ like young love. It’s so crazy and urgent and optimistic. I gotta say though kid, you got your work cut out with Dare. I don’t know what the hell ever happened to that boy in his past, but he’s put up walls so thick I doubt a Sherman tank could blast through ‘em.”
“I think I know what’s inside those walls though. If I’m right, if Dare’s who I think he is, then he’s what I’ve been searching for my whole life.”
“Well, look. I can’t give you his contact information, that would violate all kinds of privacy laws. But I guess I can tell you that he might be at his day job.”
“Oh. I didn’t know he worked another job.”
“Yeah. It’s crazy actually, he shouldn’t be doing that to his injured knee. But he teaches classes at a place in SOMA called Revel Dance Studio.” That sounded familiar. After a moment, I realized Zandra had told me about that place when I’d mentioned wanting to take classes in pole dancing.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Sandberg. I mean, Gary.”
“No guarantees he’s there today, but good luck, kid. You’re sure as hell gonna need it with that one.”
After I thanked him and disconnected, I ran to the bus stop. It didn’t matter that there really was no concrete evidence. The ‘what if’ alone was enough to keep propelling me forward.
When I finally reached the South of Market district, I ducked into a shop and asked where the dance studio was located, then walked the four blocks to the converted warehouse. The studio was on the top floor. A group of dance students was just leaving, passing me as I went in the door and climbed the stairs.
I stepped out of the stairwell into a long hallway, then located the studio. It was completely fronted with glass and I paused to look inside. The space was bathed in sunlight with honey colored wood floors and a high ceiling. Half a dozen poles punctuated the left end of the room and a ballet barre spanned the wall on the far right. Near the center back by the windows was a desk with some blue yoga pads stacked beside it, but aside from that the space was wide open.
Dare came out of a doorway beside the barre, barefoot and dressed in a tight black tank top and black cotton shorts, carrying a big plastic bag of ice. His limp was really severe, worse than I’d ever seen it. He sat behind the desk and raised his right leg with a wince, then propped it up on the desktop. After carefully removing his brace, he put the ice on his knee and exhaled slowly, then leaned back and closed his eyes. His face was still contorted with pain.
I wondered if the pain was always that bad. He was alone in the studio and didn’t know I was out here since he hadn’t glanced my way. Maybe that was why he was letting it show now.
Gradually, his body relaxed. His eyes were still closed, and it looked like he was taking several deep breaths. I stepped closer, so I was right outside the glass door. He was bathed in sunlight and it made him even more beautiful than usual, which I hadn’t even thought was possible. I took a moment to admire the obvious strength and power in his body even in a relaxed position and had the sudden urge to paint him, even though painting wasn’t my strong suit. That was the only medium that could potentially do him justice, though. If I tried to sculpt him, I might not be able to convey all his nuances, the hard and soft, the strength and vulnerability. There were so many beautiful contradictions that comprised Dare Evans.
I realized after a while that I was totally being a creepy stalker by just staring at him, so I pushed open the door to the studio. It didn’t make a sound, so I said quietly, “Mac?”
Dare’s eyes flew open. I’d obviously startled him. “What did you say?”
I crossed the room to him slowly. I felt like he might bolt if I wasn’t careful with him, like a skittish colt or something. “Do people ever call you Mac?” I asked. “Or did they?”
“How could you possibly know that?”
I’d reached the desk by now, and set down my backpack. “Oh God. That’s a yes.”
“What are you doing here, Skye? And how do you know my nickname?”
I rounded the corner of the desk, still moving slowly, deliberately. He sat up, the ice pack dropping to the floor, and pivoted the office chair to face me. “You sent me to you,” I said softly. “You told me about the auditions. Does that mean I was the guy at work that you mentioned? I was jealous of that guy.” I circled the desk so that I was right beside him and knelt down on the wood floor. I still had this feeling like I might scare him away, so I was trying to put him at ease.
“You mean you’re Speck?”
I nodded and said, “I was really short as a kid. I didn’t hit my growth spurt until I was seventeen. My half-brother River used to call me that because I was so tiny. Later on, he found out that word meant bacon in German, so after that he called me Bacon Boy for about two years.” I grinned at him, but my efforts to lighten the mood really weren’t working. He looked completely dazed.
“When did you figure out it was me?”
“About an hour ago. I had this epiphany while I was drawing you. Well, kind of. It was more of a wild guess, really. I had to come here and find out if I was right. Sandberg told me you work here, by the way.”
“Oh.” He was sitting perfectly still, watching me warily, his green eyes just a little wide.
“There’s one thing I don’t get. After I came home from those auditions, I went straight to the computer and told you I’d gotten the job. But you didn’t say anything. Why is that?”
“All you said was, ‘I got that job,’ not ‘I got that job as a dancer at Thrust.’ The last thing you’d mentioned earlier that day was applying for a job at a pizza place in your neighborhood. I thought that was what you meant.”
“I see.” I reached out and picked up his hand, which had been splayed out on his bare thigh.
It was a good sign that he didn’t pull away, even though he said, “Nothing has changed, Skye. I still can’t do this.”
I cradled his hand in both of mine. “Everything has changed.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Maybe because I see the whole person now. Before, I just saw two distinct halves, but now I get it. I understand better than anyone why you’re afraid to start something.”
“Exactly. You know I’m damaged beyond repair.”
I kissed his hand and said, “I know you’re not, and I can help you heal, Dare. It’ll take time, but I really believe we can build something together. Please take a chance on me.”
“Oh God, Skye,” he said softly, touching my face.
“We’ll go really slowly,” I told him. “I totally get that you’re not ready for an instant relationship, and that’s fine with me. Taking this leap is scary for me too, you know. I’ve told you how inexperienced I am, not just in terms of sex. I’ve never had a real relationship, nothing even close. So I’m completely on board with building something gradually.”
“There’s no way we’ll be able to take this slowly,” he said.
“Why not?”
“Because whenever I’m around you, all I can think about is tearing your clothes off and just consuming you.”
Heat shot through my body at that, and I let go of his hand and lightly ran my palms down his bare legs. “Maybe the problem right now is that we haven’t been able to get our fill of each other. Maybe if we let ourselves indulge, if we go ahead and do everything we’re just aching to do, maybe after that we can slowly work on building a relationship, bit by bit.”
“Come here, Skye,” he said, touching his chest to show me what he meant by that. I climbed up on his lap, straddling him, and draped my arms around his shoulders as he cupped my face in both hands. There was so much turmoil in his eyes. “How can I do this to you?” he asked, his voice rough. “How can I get involved with you when there’s every chance I’m going to get scared and run?”
“We’re already involved.” I grinned at him and added, “And if you run, I’ll chase you. I’m pretty sure I can catch you with that bum knee.”
A bark of laughter escaped him. He slid one hand around the back of my neck, pulling me to him. Our lips met, and even though we’d done this before, it felt like our first kiss, soft, tentative, full of tender uncertainty but with the promise of so much more.
We kissed for a long time, and he whispered against my lips, “You’re right. We are involved already.” I pulled him into a hug. “You sure you really want me?” he asked uncertainly, his head on my chest.
“More than anything. You feel so incredibly right, Dare. That’s why I need you to be my first. I just can’t even imagine that with anyone but you.”
His arms tightened around me. “Why would you give me that? I’ve acted like such an asshole. I don’t deserve you.”
“You were a bit challenging at first, but I get it. It’d actually be weird if you were always cheerful, given how much physical and emotional pain you’re carrying around. I’m really the only one that can pull off a faux constantly sunny facade. I think the blue hair helps sell it.”
I’d been trying to make a joke, but he murmured, “I’ve been so worried about you hurting me, but really I should be worried about the exact opposite. It’s easy to forget how vulnerable you are, Skye, because you do such a good job masking it.”
“I trust you to take care of me,” I said softly.
“Why would you trust me?”
I sat up and looked into his eyes as I put my palm on his chest. “Because I know what’s in here. Skye and Dare might be new to each other, but Mac and Speck know each other deep down. I know you, Mac. I know you’re kind and gentle, and a good person.”
“I still might hurt you, though.”
“But not intentionally or maliciously.”
“No, but still.”
I kissed him again and he returned the kiss, sweetly, tenderly, his hands lightly tracing the contours of my back. I didn’t want it to end, but after a while I just had to ask, “Is another class going to come busting in here any minute and catch us making out?”
“No, the next class isn’t for two hours. I stay between classes to rest and ice my knee.”
“How did you hurt it anyway?” I asked idly, sitting up and brushing his dark hair back from his eyes.
“My ex pushed me down a flight of stairs.”
I went very still, my hand frozen on his forehead as a sick feeling twisted my insides and I whispered, “Oh God.”
“I told you in the last email I sent you that my relationship was far worse than I’d described.”
“Why did you decide to tell me that all of a sudden?” My hand slid down to cup his cheek.
“Because I want you to have the whole picture,” he said softly, his eyes searching my face. “I went from a dad that beat the shit out of me to a lover that did the same thing. My damage goes so deep, Skye. It’s not just from getting dumped.”
“But...your ex broke up with you because you got depressed after your career ended. So, he caused the injury that ended your career and then got pissed off when you were upset about it? What the fuck?”
“I think part of it was guilt. Maybe it became impossible for him to be around me, knowing what he’d done, what he’d taken from me. My career was hugely important to me. I’d been working for it since I was a child and just six months before I got injured I finally landed a spot with Ballet Thorsa, one of the most prestigious dance companies in the western U.S. I was so excited. I felt like all my dreams were finally coming true.” His voice broke a little right at the end, and he turned his head to look out the window.
“But then he took even more.” My voice was almost a growl. I wanted to hurt the man that had done this to him. I wanted to hurt him bad. “He took your home, your friends, your dog – we’re getting that fucking dog back, Dare.”
He looked at me again and grinned a little. “That’s your take-away from all of this?”
“Well, no. But that’s the one thing I can fix. Do we need to go right now? Is he hurting your dog?”
“No, he’d never hurt Benny. He loves that dog. Hurting me was another story.”
I grabbed him in another hug and kissed the side of his head. “Nobody’s ever going to hurt you again, Dare. I’m not going to let them.”
“Shit.”
I sat up and looked at him and he smiled at me, his eyes a little bright. “You’re going to make me cry. Quit it.”
“You can cry if you want. I won’t judge.”
“Nah. I’ve been pathetic enough for one day. I think I should pace myself.”
“Your call.”
His smile got a bit bigger. “Do something for me, Skye.”
“Anything.”
“Kiss me some more.”
I smiled at him and bent down, playfully nibbling his bottom lip before kissing him deeply. We did this for a long time before I finally climbed off him and circled around the desk chair. “Where are you going?” he asked.
“I’m not taking very good care of you right now,” I said.
“Oh yes you are.”
“I can do better.” I pulled a couple blue yoga mats off the stack beside the desk and arranged them side-by-side on the floor. “Come here and lay down.” He did as I said, standing up carefully. He barely limped as he came over to the mats. I said gently, “You don’t have to hide your limp with me, Dare. I saw you earlier, so I know how bad it is.”
“It just keeps getting worse,” he murmured as he lowered himself onto one of the pads. “I know it’s incredibly stupid that I’m working these jobs. I just couldn’t let go of dance entirely though, no matter how much it hurts me. Letting go would hurt far worse than this physical pain.”
“I get it.” I gathered up my backpack and the bag of ice and brought these over to him. He got comfortable on his right side and I put the backpack under his head like a pillow before carefully arranging the ice pack around his knee.
When I laid down facing him on the other pad, using my arm as a pillow, he smiled at me. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said, “but I never imagined you’d be so nurturing.”
“What did you think I’d be like?”
“Honestly? A total party boy. That’s how you came across, like you didn’t have a care in the world. I imagined you out drinking and club hopping every night, sleeping with whoever caught your eye. I completely misjudged you.”
“Well, I misjudged you too, so we’re even.”
“No you didn’t, you thought I was a douche. You totally nailed it.” He smiled at me as he said that. I grinned in return, and he reached out and gently brushed my hair back from my face. “I hope you never stop coloring your hair blue. It’s so you,” he murmured randomly after a while.
“Actually, I’d just decided yesterday to grow it out.”
“The same day you took out your piercing?” He lightly ran his thumb over the spot on my lower lip where the thin silver ring had been.
“Yeah. I was having a bit of a crisis and channeled it into trying to make some changes. I even cleaned my apartment, which was no small task.”
“Why were you having a crisis?” His fingertips were gently combing my hair back as we were talking.
“Because these two amazing guys both told me they wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t want to wallow in sadness, I knew that wouldn’t be good for me. So I decided to distract myself instead.”
He grinned a little. “You mean Mac and Dare? You’re counting that as two?”
“Yup.” His grin upgraded to a smile.
He watched me for a while before saying softly, “If we really do this, if we become involved more than we already are, I’m going to fall in love with you so fucking hard, Skye. I need you to know that. There’s no way this can just be some casual thing with me. Even though I’m terrified, and even though learning to trust is going to be hard for me, if I do this, I’m doing it all the way. I know that sounds like a total contradiction since I was telling you earlier I can’t do this at all, but I guess that’s what it really comes down to. All or nothing.”
