Hunted, page 26
For right now, however, his thoughts were on Beth. “Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do today? When will they be here?”
“Around noon, and try to stay positive. Try to focus on the good; don’t criticize or judge her. Give her as good a send-off as you say she gave you even if you’re angry. We can work through that later if need be, when she’s in a better place to handle it.”
Ethan nodded again. “Copy that.” He looked down the long, sunny hallway toward the group therapy room. “Do you think I could head straight to meditation instead of group? I need some quiet time.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea. Come find me if you need to talk, you hear?”
“I will.”
As he headed to the meditation area, he tried not to panic. If things were so bad that Beth was leaving town, going to a residential program for help, her family was surely on board with that treatment plan. As close as the Hudsons were, he couldn’t imagine anything else. And that would mean she wasn’t alone.
“Lloyd said someone was with her. Richard and Jackie would never send her across the country by herself,” he muttered as he found his favorite meditation spot and settled in. “They’d never let her go someplace that wasn’t top-notch. Focus on that instead of guilt that you shouldn’t be carrying.”
Learning and then believing that he wasn’t responsible for the happiness of everyone with whom he had a relationship, even Beth, was one of the hardest lessons for Ethan to get his head around. After all, being in law enforcement, “to protect and serve” was literally part of the job description. He could no more change that belief than he could change the color of his skin.
But he didn’t have to take it quite so literally, he was learning. It was all right to let people stand or fail on their own, even people about whom he cared. With that said, if he could have snapped his fingers and switched some of the load from her shoulders to his own, he’d not have hesitated to do so.
“But would that be the right thing for both of us, for either of us?” a voice whispered in his mind.
No, it wouldn’t. On the other hand, sharing the load with Beth, supporting her the way she’d supported him, that was something he could do. It might be difficult to carry that out, but he was determined to figure out a way.
Chapter 49
The farther they got from Leroy, the easier it was for Beth to breathe. Chase was driving, having a quiet conversation in the front seat with their father. Jackie was beside Beth in the back, and they weren’t speaking. She hadn’t had much to say to Beth since Monday evening, when she’d told the family she was leaving town for a while.
“What do you mean you’re going away?” Stunned, Jackie had crossed the room to shake Beth’s shoulders. “Damn it, no! This wasn’t part of the deal. You’re supposed to get better here.”
It had taken a lot of fast talking on Richard’s part to calm her down, and Beth knew Jackie was still on the fence about this decision. Even though she and Richard were escorting Beth all the way to New Mexico, with plans to stay close for a few days to make sure she was settled in at the facility, Jackie wasn’t happy.
Perhaps what had convinced Beth more than anything that she was making the right decision was the fact that her mother’s meltdown had only made her feel the least bit of guilt and pain. She was utterly detached from everything important, and that couldn’t be allowed to remain the status quo, not if there was any way to change it.
They’d made a few stops along the four-hour drive as she was still having some difficulties related to her injuries and needed to stretch her legs more often than usual. Aside from the general, manageable discomfort from that, the trip had been easy enough. But now they were five or ten minutes away from Ethan’s rehab facility on the south side of Nashville, and all her nervous butterflies threatened to rise up and carry her out of the car.
Richard and Jackie were planning to have lunch at a coffee shop in a touristy district not far from the facility while Beth and Chase met with Ethan. As they parked on a side street near the restaurant to let their parents out, Beth unbuckled her seat belt and stood beside the car with a groan.
“I dread to think what I’ll feel like by this evening,” she said as she came around to take the front passenger seat.
Richard hugged her. “You’ll be able to get up and walk around on the plane some, and you have your meds if you need them, right?”
“Yep. You two try to have fun. Buzz if you need us.” She ignored her mother’s incredulous snort as Beth slid into the seat beside Chase, closing the door before Jackie could speak. “Let’s go.”
“She’s worried. That’s all.”
“I know that. I can’t deal with her worry right now. The load’s too heavy.”
He glanced at her. “It isn’t your load to carry, so don’t let it stress you out. Dad’s there for her, and Mom’s stronger than she thinks she is. She’s still getting her feet back under her. That’s all.”
Tomorrow would mark one month since the shooting, and the anniversary was weighing heavily on them all.
“I appreciate that you’re helping me so much with this. I know it’s a lot to ask.”
Not only was Chase acting as something of a go-between for her and the rest of the family, he had also agreed to act as her power of attorney while she was away. Normally there wouldn’t be much to take care of as her life was fairly straightforward, but the lease for her apartment was coming up for renewal in six weeks.
“Are you absolutely certain you want me to move you out to the guesthouse at Mom and Dad’s?” he asked, seeming to read her mind, as he consulted the GPS.
“Yes. Is it a drastic move? It is. Will I regret it? Possibly. But I can’t see paying rent on an apartment I have no intention of ever returning to. I feel bad asking you to do the work for me—the packing and the moving. I’ll owe you big time for that. But I’m done with that place. I don’t expect that to change.”
“Don’t worry about the work. You know I want to help however I can. So do Jason and Joely. Between the three of us, and Mom and Dad if he can calm her down, it won’t take long. Plus I’m sure Annie and Lauren will help if they find out. Looks like this is it,” he said, putting on his turn signal.
“This isn’t what I expected,” Beth said as they made the turn. “Wow.”
Set back off the road a good distance, the facility had a discreet sign by the road that identified it, but beyond that, it looked like a large, well-kept estate. It was secluded even though it was only a few minutes from town, and it looked peaceful.
“I wonder if the place I’m going will be like this.”
Chase touched her shoulder. “I hope so.”
Wrapping her heavy sweater around her more tightly, she crossed her arms as they went inside. Since the shooting, she’d had trouble staying warm even when it was relatively pleasant outside like it was today.
A tall bear of a man who looked to be around Richard Hudson’s age met them when they walked in, his smile welcoming. He held out his hand. “I’m Lloyd. Are you Beth Hudson?”
She nodded as they shook. “This is my brother Chase.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you both. Come on in. We’ve set up one of the private family rooms for you. After we’ve talked for a minute, I’ll go get Ethan. He’s worn a rut in the carpet he’s so eager to see you,” he told Beth as he led them down the hall.
With a shaking hand, she pushed a stray hair out of her eyes. “Does he know where I’m going this evening?”
Lloyd nodded slowly. “He does, and he’s extremely concerned. But he also understands the situation. He has a lot of questions, but he knows you need to do this.”
She let out a hard breath and went past him into the smallish, quiet room that was set up very much like someone’s private sitting area, complete with couches, armchairs, and tables. “How is he?”
“First, he gave me permission to speak freely with you about his treatment, so please don’t think I’m violating his privacy. As to how he’s doing, achieving sobriety isn’t an easy process even for someone like Ethan, whose alcoholism wasn’t quite as advanced as most of the people who seek our help.
“Medically speaking, there are stages to alcoholism, but we view treatment here as more of a whole-patient approach. We don’t just look at the disease. Alcoholism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. There are contributing factors that have to be addressed for treatment to successfully take place. That’s part of why our program isn’t a fast process, why it takes a bit more time than some inpatient programs.”
He smiled. “With that being said, it probably hasn’t escaped your notice that Ethan’s a bit… resolute when he has a goal, let’s say.”
Chase laughed. “That’s one way of putting it. He’s a stubborn mule.”
Lloyd spread his hands and grinned. “I wasn’t going to say that, but I can’t argue.”
“And that’s a good thing, I’m guessing?” Beth asked, some of her concern easing.
“In his case, yes. He very much wants to get better. As I said, it hasn’t been easy for him, but he has a healthy attitude about sobriety, and the significance of that can’t be overstated. The point he’s at with the addiction, it’s where we like to get started with patients. If they’re going to have an addiction, it’s easier to help them where Ethan is than a stage or two later. That doesn’t mean he won’t relapse, that he won’t have problems down the road—that’s up to him. But I’m very pleased with his progress.”
Beth picked a pillow up off the couch and ran her fingers along the piping. “How much longer do you think he’ll be here?”
“That’s also up to him. Right now, I’m guessing another few weeks, but that’s just a guess.” Lloyd looked from her to Chase. “We do have a no-drugs and no-alcohol policy, so I need to ask if either of you has anything on you.”
“No,” Chase answered. “We don’t even smoke.”
“I do have some pain meds and muscle relaxers, but they’re in my suitcases in the car. Hopefully I won’t need those while we’re here,” Beth said.
“That’s fine. If you do, we would need to oversee that. I hope you understand.” When she nodded, he gave her a thumbs-up. “Good. Now, we have a structured schedule here that we like to stick to. Given the circumstances, Ethan’s been released from that schedule today. You’re free to spend as much time with him as you’d like, and all the public areas of the facility are open for your use. Anything marked private is off-limits.” He studied Beth. “I understand you’ve had a rough few weeks. How are you doing?”
She shrugged and sat on the arm of the couch. “I’m hanging on by a thread, but I’m still hanging.”
“If it helps any, I’ve been to the facility you’re heading to. They’re really good at what they do, and like I told Ethan this morning, the place has a good energy. From what I know of your situation and what I’ve learned about you through Ethan, I think you’ll find Santa Fe a godsend.”
“I hope so.” She glanced at Chase. “We have to leave for the airport by four. I was worried that our staying that late might interfere with things for Ethan.”
Lloyd shook his head. “Actually, I think this will do him a world of good. We serve lunch cafeteria-style from eleven thirty till one, and if you’d like to eat with him, you’re more than welcome. This room has been reserved for your use today, and like I said, any of the public areas of the facility are open to you. Any questions?”
Clenching the pillow in a death grip in an effort not to shake apart, Beth bit her lip. “No.”
“If it’s all right with Beth and with you, Lloyd, I’d like to give her and Ethan some privacy. I figure you guys will get all mushy and sentimental, and I’m not sure I can handle that,” Chase told her with a wink.
“That’s fine with me. Ms. Hudson?”
“Beth, please. And yes, I’d appreciate that.” She knew she’d turn into a blubbering mess as soon as she saw Ethan, and she wasn’t looking forward to falling apart in front of an audience. “Do you have tissues?”
Lloyd chuckled. “Boxes of them. We have stock in tissue companies.” He picked a box up from a small table across the room and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch, then looked at Chase. “If you want to come with me, we’ll go get Ethan and save the carpet.”
Chase ran his hand over her hair, then squeezed her shoulder much like Sampson was wont to do. “I’ll be around if you need me.”
“Thanks.”
As the door closed behind them, she stood, her heart pounding. She paced frantically from one end of the room to the other. Biting the side of her index finger, she forced herself to stay put. The temptation to run out the door and back the way they’d come was fierce. Not because she didn’t want to see Ethan, but because she was terrified that everything would be different, that he would look at her with pity or worse—that she’d not feel a damned thing for him.
Before she could get up the gumption to do anything other than panic, the door opened and he stepped inside. With her hand covering her mouth, she stared at him from across the room. She didn’t even realize she was moving until they’d met halfway and she was in his arms, holding him as tightly as her shaking arms would allow as they both cried.
Chapter 50
Late that night, Ethan was struggling to get to sleep. Memories of the afternoon kept flitting through his mind, preventing rest. He’d had a few restless nights since coming to the facility, something that wasn’t unusual for the patients. There was a protocol in place if he needed to talk to someone, but tonight, he just needed to move.
Throwing on his gym clothes, he headed for the exercise room, passing by the nurses’ station to let the on-duty counselors know where he was going. It was little things like that station that reminded him he was in a medical facility, not just a nice house with a bunch of troubled people.
Even though he’d taken Lloyd’s warning to heart, the level to which seeing Beth had shaken him was surprising. He’d expected her to be subdued, emotionally distraught to some degree. He’d seen enough people in trouble in his career and since coming here that he’d had a good idea of what to expect.
He’d not been prepared to see that she’d lost at least ten pounds, maybe fifteen. To see that her skin had less color than when she’d been released from the hospital. Her clothes hung on her frame, and she seemed fragile in a way that scared him. Very little of the Beth he’d left a few weeks ago was present today.
There’d been glimmers, sure, like when she’d teased Chase about Murphy the cat or when she leaned into Ethan while they sat on the couch and talked. But she was so subdued it was obvious to anyone who knew her that she was in a great deal of pain. At first he’d thought it was physical, but she’d denied that.
Based on what he’d been through himself in recent weeks, he understood too well the gravity of the weight bearing down on her shoulders. He also knew how hard it would be for her to lift that weight off, how much work she’d have to do to get out from under it.
“This is definitely a case of more knowledge not being a good thing,” he said as he started a treadmill and took up a slow jog. The exercise wasn’t the whiskey he wanted to numb the pain and fear, but running for a while would give him something to focus on besides worry and cravings.
When he’d had a few minutes alone with Chase while Beth was in the bathroom, he’d cornered him. “What the hell is she doing here? As much as I wanted to see her, she needs to be in New Mexico already.”
“She needed to see you, to make sure that you were okay, that the two of you were okay. I know she looks bad, but there’s not a force on this planet that could have kept her away from you today.”
“Chase, she’s exhausted.”
His friend nodded. “She’s running on fumes in a lot of ways, but don’t count her out yet. She went head-to-head with Mom about New Mexico. Mom doesn’t want her to go, and every protest only made Beth raise her chin more. She still has a lot of fight in her. As a result, Mom’s barely speaking to her right now.”
Ethan swore. “Doesn’t Jackie understand how sick she is?”
“She does. What Mom can’t comprehend, won’t comprehend, is that she’s not going to get better at home. It all comes back to how she watched Grandma battle depression and lose after Uncle Joe died in ‘Nam. Dad’s keeping her as calm as he can, and she’s agreed to not stand in Beth’s way. They’ll both be with her for a few days in Santa Fe, and hopefully it’ll be long enough for them to see a difference in her. I think if Mom sees Beth start to open up, she’ll back off.”
“So you aren’t worried?”
Chase grasped his shoulder. “I’m terrified.”
Oddly enough, that comforted Ethan. He knew Chase would do everything in his power to help Beth, and he’d be watching over her closely while Ethan finished rehab.
“Promise me that if she needs me, you’ll let me know. If I have to, I’ll leave this place and go to her.”
Chase narrowed his eyes. “Only if it’s truly an emergency. I’m not going to cause you to risk the progress you’ve made here. What you’re doing is just as important as what she’s getting ready to do. She needs to know you’re moving forward in order to focus on her own recovery.”
Ethan nodded. “Fair enough.”
As he jogged his way toward sleep, he considered the time. By now, Beth should have been on the ground in Santa Fe, at the inpatient facility. She’d be starting a journey similar to the one he was on, though she wouldn’t have to undergo detoxing.
Richard had promised to call first thing to let him know how she was doing. Once that call came, Ethan knew he’d be able to breathe again, assuming the news was good. If it wasn’t, he didn’t know what he’d do exactly.
