Mandy shook her head at him and laughed, looking away again with an inner sigh. It was great that Marcus was happy to settle for them being just friends.

  When she’d broken up with Ethan, he’d shown up ready to help her through it. Once he found out she was the one who’d walked away and the reasons behind it, he told her it was the right decision. And that when she was ready, he’d happily take her back.

  Mandy felt touched that he still cared. But she knew she’d never start up with him again. She’d changed; love meant a different thing to her now. And she might never feel it again for anyone else, so why rush into another relationship so soon?

  Marcus had been supportive in the way he gallantly stepped back and was seemingly contented to just be friends. He’d only just started dating again himself; a woman he’d met through friends who was a few years older and shared many of his interests. Mandy was happy for him.

  They arrived at the black-tie event and Mandy felt her confidence rise knowing she looked more than appropriately dressed. Her outfit was a flatteringly cut red dress with matching pointed heels. Her red lipstick added to the bold ensemble and she’d done little with her eyes, only dabbing on a hint of kohl. Her thick brown hair was done in a simple plait at the base of her head, leaving her face free of wisps or strands. Marcus had already told her she looked stunning, and she’d thanked him with a pleased laugh. One could never go wrong with red, she said. And the bright color gave her a feeling of poise she didn’t really have deep down.

  She was going to see Ethan again. And even if it was from a distance, it was going to rip her apart. What she dreaded was that Zuriel might be there, too. Mandy wasn’t sure she could handle seeing them as a couple, posing for the cameras and acting like they were in love for the world to see.

  The benefit dinner was a success, the high point of the night being The Strum’s performance. Mandy had watched them from her table and thought they all looked amazing, especially Ethan. Their presence had drawn a big crowd and this in turn had translated to more funds being raised that night, particularly when the time came for the auction.

  Watching Ethan had its bittersweet moments. She did not take her eyes off him the whole performance, and part of her had wished he would look her way just once. But she was sure he didn’t even know she was there.

  It had been tough these past several weeks without him. There had been no backlash from the public; at least not as much as she’d expected. Just a few words about “Ethan now back to being single – female fans ecstatic.”

  It felt weird being in the same room with him and yet so far. In fact, it hurt like hell. He still had it; that pull, that energy and magnetism that had all the women in the room thinking dirty thoughts. Knowing she’d walked away from all that had her reaching for more and more of her wine to distract herself from her hidden despair.

  “Enough, Mandy,” Marcus said gently in her ear just as she indicated to a passing waiter for a refill of her glass.

  “Not nearly,” she murmured, but then nodded with a deep sigh. Marcus was right; getting sloshed wasn’t the answer. There was music playing. Some other high-profile band was performing and people were dancing where a section had been cleared for just that purpose.

  Mandy took Marcus’s hand, her smile adventurous. “Let’s dance.”

  Marcus grinned. He could be spontaneous too, his smile said. And Mandy knew he could move surprisingly well. The music was upbeat, modern, and seemed to put everyone in a party mood. Marcus and Mandy got on the floor and for a few minutes, Mandy gave in to the music. When it slowed into a classical number, she went into Marcus’s arms readily. Her hands on his shoulders and his on her waist, they moved easily to the waltz.

  She looked up when she felt Marcus’s gaze on her face. She wasn’t sure what she read in his eyes: regret, resignation, defeat? Could he tell that even now all she could think of was Ethan and wishing he was the one who held her in his arms?

  “Someone’s coming this way,” he announced in a low tone, and this had Mandy’s heart tripping over itself. Oh my God. She didn’t dare look over her shoulder. But the figure who appeared by Marcus’ side was dark-haired, not blond. His grin was wide and charming.

  It was Jaime, and Mandy felt no less amazed at seeing him. He courteously asked to cut in and Mandy nodded to Marcus, unable to say anything in reply. Marcus told her he’d be close by if she needed anything.

  “Mandy’s safe with me, dude, you’ve got my word,” Jaime said, his dark brows arching at Marcus, whose expressionless face gave no clue to his thoughts as he nodded slightly and backed away. Jaime turned to Mandy with a comical look that had her smiling despite herself.

  “Amiable fellow,” Jaime commented, slipping his arm around Mandy’s waist while holding her free hand, her other resting on his jacketed shoulder. “New man?”

  “Old friend,” was Mandy’s cryptic reply.

  “You look simply ravishing, sweetheart,” Jaime said, his dark eyes gleaming. “Saw you while we were on stage and made up my mind to come over the first chance I got.”

  “That’s very nice of you. I didn’t think you even noticed I was here.”

  “You can bet we did. You in that red dress...suddenly all the girls in the room don’t even have faces. You’re a very nice distraction, Mandy Sloane. I think I missed you,” said the delightful devil.

  “I would have thought you’d all be glad to get me out of the way,” Mandy said lightly, fingers tightening fractionally where she gripped his broad shoulder.

  Jaime’s eyes sobered for a moment. “Sometimes people do selfish things in the name of the greater good. The band’s soared in ratings, airplay, and sales. But we have a bassist who’s broken in spirit and has lost his faith in life and love. Not something I like having on my conscience.”

  Mandy’s heart constricted at his telling words. She wasn’t sure how much he knew about her breakup with Ethan – and how much he felt he was responsible for it.

  “You were good for him, Mandy,” Jaime said simply, his eyes boring into hers. “In ways I didn’t want to admit then. I kept thinking how far he’d come after his time with Zuriel when he was barely more than a kid. He was infatuated with her at sixteen. Their love affair ended when he was twenty. Five years later, he was finally getting to that space in his head where he could figure out where his journey would take him. Then you came along.”

  Jaime shook his head slightly. “Ethan is a survivor, Mandy. Him and Zuriel…all those years ago when he didn’t know better, it was a pretty abusive relationship in the subtlest way you could imagine – with Ethan on the receiving end. Drug addiction, near death experiences, and an innocent fan getting beaten up…it was crazy. He wasn’t happy but because it was good for the band, we all just stepped aside and let it happen. I’m not about to make that same mistake again. Ethan is my brother, my friend. If anyone should get his life fucked up, it wouldn’t be me.”

  “Why are you telling me this? Did Ethan put you up to it? Because I…”

  “Ethan doesn’t know I’m talking to you. He isn’t even here. He left immediately after our performance.”

  Mandy’s heart sank. She wondered if he’d rushed off to meet Zuriel somewhere. “He obviously couldn’t wait to get away,” she murmured ironically.

  “It’s not what you think,” said Jaime. “He just…knowing you were close, I could tell how much it got to him, not being able to…”

  Jaime sighed with something like anger but not at anyone in particular. “I know about Zuriel coming to see you. The things she said. I feel partly responsible that she thought she could get away with something like that. How dumb I was thinking that this would end in any way right for Ethan. What right had any of us to think you couldn’t be just what he needed? Who cares if you may never really fit into what we felt was ‘our world’? All that really mattered was that you fitted in Ethan’s.”

  Mandy shrugged. “Maybe briefly, I did fit. But Zuriel’s taken her rightful place by his side. Whatever you say was bad between them, maybe they’ve found a way to make it right. They’re older now. Wiser. And I’m just some girl who caught his fancy but could never hope to really hold him once the chips were down.”

  “Is that why you ended it? I was so sure Zuriel couldn’t get to you. I almost couldn’t believe you let her plant the insecurities that must have made it easy for you to walk away from what you had with Ethan.”

  The disappointment in Jaime’s voice was like a slap in the face. Mandy drew in an angry breath but managed to say calmly, “I’m not superhuman, Jaime. Ordinary people like me have it even harder trying to hold one’s own when it comes to feeling not good enough. They were going to make everyone believe I was with Ethan for what I could get. And one day, maybe they’d have made him believe it, too. I guess I didn’t want to stick around long enough and wait for the inevitable to happen.”

  “And what was inevitable? Ethan breaking your heart…or both of you ending up happy ever after?” asked Jaime. His smile was rueful. “Well, I guess we’ll never know.”

  Mandy’s eyelids lowered. Jaime was right; not that he’d come right out and said it, but it was true: she’d given up too easily. Everything had happened so fast – falling for him, being in love. At the first hurdle, she’d crumbled. She had given away a chance at happiness because it had been easier than staying and fighting. She’d been so blind. How could she ever get Ethan to forgive her?

  “Every day in the last few months I woke up wondering the same thing: how could I have let him go?” Mandy murmured with a faraway look on her face. “Maybe I never really believed enough. Zuriel just gave me a good excuse. I let her win, Jaime. Ethan deserves better than a woman who couldn’t stand up to any obstacle to their love.”

  “You made a mistake, Mandy. Like anyone could do. Ethan doesn’t need someone perfect,” Jaime told her with a gently teasing smile, releasing his hold on her just as the music ended. “But he does deserve someone brave.”

  Mandy’s heart swelled with hope; she could learn to be brave…though she knew she’d need a lot of bravery to face Ethan again and try to make amends. But then a feeling of panic overcame her as she said, “The world tour is about to begin …the band’s supposed to be leaving the country tomorrow.”

  Jaime’s curvy lips tilted in a smirk. “Then I guess you don’t really have much time.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Mandy felt much too conspicuous in her sophisticated red dress and heels walking into the hotel lobby. But since it was already close to 9 pm, the grand surroundings looked free of too many people. She walked up to the desk to make the needed inquiries.

  She’d seen Ethan’s unmistakable Lamborghini outside. She knew he was here. All she needed was to find the hotel bar and take it from there.

  When she saw the huge, bald-headed man standing at the doorway of the bar two minutes later, she heaved an inner sigh. Ethan was fond of going around without Vernon whenever he could get away with it. His familiar face now creased in a smile of recognition when he saw Mandy.

  “Jaime sent me here, sort of,” she explained with a shy smile. “Is um…Ethan inside?”

  “Building up to getting plastered,” said Vernon wryly. “Good thing you’re here so maybe I won’t need to worry about having to air-lift him to his suite later. He’s been staying mostly at this hotel on and off for weeks.”

  “Oh,” Mandy said softly. That sounded weird. With each second that passed, the need to see him grew stronger and stronger. “I can go in, then?”

  Vernon grinned as if to ask if there was any doubt. “Be my guest. There’ll be enough privacy since the hotel kindly closed the bar out for as long as Ethan is in there. So it’s just him.”

  Mandy gulped inwardly. She’d have liked to have at least a few people around. Not that she didn’t feel safe alone with Ethan; she just couldn’t be sure of his reaction. Maybe it was better this way since no one would witness her getting cut down in case Ethan ended up not being thrilled by her appearance.

  She smiled and nodded to Vernon, who held the doors open. She drew in a bracing breath and walked in.

  There was just one bartender serving Ethan, who was seated in profile. He was dressed the same as he had been on stage, wearing one of The Strum’s stylish leather coats and nothing else but his snug black jeans and boots. He heard the door open and turned to find her standing there. Did he give a slight start? She’d never be able to tell because he recovered so quickly. He looked away almost immediately. Just as the man behind the bar began to pour him another glass of scotch, Ethan took the bottle then told the guy he could leave.

  The bartender didn’t argue. He just sent Mandy a brief glance before striding past her and closing the door after him.

  Hesitating for a brief moment, Mandy walked closer to where Ethan sat. There weren’t any stools around him so she simply stood next to him. He didn’t glance her way again but took a swig straight from the bottle. “How did you know where to...? Jaime,” he said in realization before Mandy could answer his unfinished question.

  “Yes, Jaime was the one who told me where to find you,” she said quietly.

  At that, Ethan turned on his bar stool to face her. “Then maybe you can go back and tell him I already have a minder for tonight. So if he sent you here on babysitting duty…”

  “No one sent me on anything,” she said, keeping her tone easy, deep. “I came here to say I’m sorry.”

  “Then you should have just sent a text,” he told her bluntly. He was about to lift the bottle to his lips, but she placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

  “Don’t, Ethan,” she said as she looked into his eyes.

  “I don’t want you here,” he said calmly, his gaze so direct it cut through her like a laser. “You need to go.”

  “I can’t,” she breathed, biting on her bottom lip.

  “I guess you’re here for your pound of flesh,” he said before dramatically rolling up one sleeve, baring one muscular, inked arm. “Go on. Take whatever piece of me you want. Because there’s nothing else left inside anyway. You might as well have the shell too.”

  “Oh Ethan.”

  He turned rapidly away as if to block out the anguish in her voice and shoved his hand through his hair. “You made it impossible for me to stay in my own home. Every room in that place reminds me of you. Of that first night we spent together. And then the other house…your perfume still lingers in that dressing room. Fucking haunting me anywhere I go.”

  He knocked over the empty glass with an angry brush of his hand. “I even had Zuriel stop wearing that scent whenever she was around me. I hated anything that reminded me of you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she repeated. She would say it all night if she had to. All she wanted was to be near him, to soak up his presence and feed the emptiness that had been growing within her.

  Ethan was staring at his clenched fists, side by side on the edge of the counter.

  “I never told you about Zuriel,” he began in a toneless voice. “Or the part she played in my life all those years ago. I had this new family, great friends, and the chance to live my dream. I was young and far more restless than I am now. Me and her…it was major mind-fuck crazy till I could get out of it. I don’t know if I loved her, but by the time it was over I was sure I would never go back. And I didn’t. Even in the past few months, with the whole public romance…it was all staged.”

  “I think in my heart I always believed that,” Mandy said, her voice low. She itched to place her hands over his clenched fists, gently spread out each digit, and then lace them with hers.

  “Zuriel’s not an evil person,” Ethan said calmly, and Mandy tried to keep a straight face even as she wanted to vehemently deny Ethan’s statement. “Lord only knows what battles she fights, too. We all have a little bit of damage in us, but then when I found out what she said to you…”

  Mandy started and found herself asking in surprise, “How did you…?”

  “She confessed,” he told her, barely glancing her way. “It was just two days ago. She’s been pushing me for weeks to announce our fake engagement – suggesting we should elope before the world tour began and then perform as a married couple. Some crazy shit like that. I told her no way; I’d done enough of play-acting for a lifetime. And I only did it so that I could prove to her once and for all that there could never be anything between us, not anymore. It was never going to be real, and I demonstrated that when I told her I’d already decided to break the news of our split to the gossip rags before we went on tour. Even Davey thought it would be a good idea. The publicity for the tour would become even more massive with the intrigue from the break-up and us having to perform together in spite of it. A real crowd puller, he said. Like we didn’t already have sold-out venues and even more dates added on just to meet the demand for extra ticket sales.”

  “So…did you break up with her? I mean officially?” Mandy had to ask, hating herself for being hopeful – even though she hadn’t heard anything in the news about anything. Ethan’s next words told her why.

  He shook his head. “Just like the last time we broke up, she pleaded with me to wait. Keep the news under wraps till the tour was over. I told her I’d think about it.”

  Mandy sighed deeply. “I wish I told you about the confrontation I had with her.”

  Ethan seemed to bristle. “Zuriel had her own agenda, but she was no guiltier than Davey or the rest of the band. I hated that my relationship with you had to be the scapegoat for everyone’s grand plan. No one was ever really looking out for me.”

  “I have nothing to say that would make everything right,” Mandy said achingly, head bowed as she wrung her fingers. “All you ever did was show me you cared and I chose the easy way out. I let you down. Part of me wishes I can stay away. That I could walk back out right now. But it’s impossible. I have nowhere to go. I’ve been lost without you…barely surviving when the air I needed to breathe was far out of my reach. Even now I want so badly to touch you…to place my hands in yours. But I feel so unworthy.”

 

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