His Darkest Devotion, page 9
“Let me help you relax, beloved. Just a little more comfort to soothe the sting.” Fingertips found my slit, little circles teasing where I was swollen.
There was no point in resisting when he was in such a mood, not over something he clearly believed was ultimately good for me. Submitting to his small request, my thighs parted just enough to grant him access.
Expecting softness, I reeled when he roughly pinched my nipple and dove several fingertips into my passage. Once inside, he hooked my pubic bone and roughly rubbed at a tender place that sent me right to my toes.
An instant, unexpected orgasm left the flesh of my stomach rippling around their burden. I watched the shape of my belly change in the mirror, eyes wide and mind astounded. Every muscle in my core went crazy, spasms stretching the muscles of my abdomen, contractions clenching at his hand. On instinct, I bore down against his plug, against his rough touch, with all my might and trembled as he gave me the strangest blend of pain-laced pleasure.
No matter how hard I squeezed, how much I writhed, the plug didn’t budge. Nor might I push out the aggressive fingers buried in my cunt. Throbbing, my nipple grew red, and the whole of my insides danced in a way that was beyond my control.
He bit atop the tendon that ran from my shoulder to my neck, and I screamed, climaxing harder than I thought I could bear.
He kept me like that, hanging from his fingers, working some bundle of nerves inside me, my poor nipple trapped in a rolling pinch, his teeth puncturing skin.
A few drops of blood spilled, crimson as they marked my clavicle and breast.
Earlier, it had been his red stain upon me. Now, it was mine.
Yet, no part of my brain thought to panic, not trapped as it was in a growing overload of sensation. The body was not designed to feel so many contrary things at once. From my chest, I rattled out an unbidden call, the musculature of my abdomen moving and waving, my legs shaking, and my arms useless where I gripped his wrist like a lifeline.
The world began to spin, a transcendent burst of fire burning away everything in its path, a different kind of climax that had no end in sight.
The pleasure offered no fulfillment, not like the way he could make me feel when he was inside me or adoring me with his tongue. The waves uncoiling struck places within, reminding my body of what it was and why it was full. Shaking loose tension as I rattled and strained.
It wasn’t until I completely let go that I was swept up and incapable of coherent thought. Only then did he begin to ease off.
My breast ached and my cunt throbbed, ripples still dancing over my belly. I bled from his teeth, but my eyes were bright.
Gently, he soothed my burning breast. Carefully, he pulled his fingers from my abused core.
His tongue laved my wound until I ceased bleeding.
“That’s better,” he whispered at my ear before sucking his fingers clean of my slippery fluids.
Watching his reflection savor my taste, I found myself biting my lip, the whole display indecent.
And I liked it. I liked him obscene.
Heaven, help me.
Who in the hell was I?
I must have said it aloud, Cyderial grinning wickedly as he replied, “You’re my mate.”
A loud smack landed on my ass, my jaw hanging loose when he announced, “Come, let’s get you dressed.”
Over the years, I had seen Cyderial in his various uniforms. In his home, I saw him in low-slung silken trousers. Never had I seen the male in casual clothing.
It was disturbing.
Normalcy fit against his skin as if hiding what he really was inside. Had I not known him, I would’ve never thought, There goes a man who has ordered the execution of my classmates.
Handsome and approachable, how could that male be the same who offered to give me a human head on a plate?
His sweater was soft, formfitting, thin enough that musculature was on display. Other females would see just how strong he was, how well-formed he might be. The gray slacks were nothing abnormal, but no jacket covered his hips.
Those glutes I liked to grip when he was working deep inside me? They were available for others’ eyes.
Jealousy. I understood the feeling, but I could not fathom where it was coming from. Never before had I looked at Cyderial and felt I owned him. Until now.
Uncomfortable with my unconscious reaction, I ignored it as best as I could.
Chalked it up to hormones and an uninvited mating bond—not at all an acceptable behavior to encourage. However, more than once as I watched him dress, I almost asked why he could not wear his uniform.
And I thought he suspected my discomfort.
“Is there something you want to say?” Nonchalant, the question seemed innocent but was anything but.
Yes. I wanted to say I could control my baser urges and not fall into whatever irrationality this was. “I hardly recognize you.” I could even give him a compliment; that was acceptable. “You look… different.”
His chest rattled in response, and I swear his eyes glittered behind his blond hair as he looked at me. “It isn’t so easy, is it?”
So, he did know. He knew exactly how I felt. I could be honest if there was no point in pretending. “It’s very strange to feel this way.”
“I have been told it fades after fifty years or so, or at least becomes more bearable. I can confirm that, in ten years, I have not once been able to share you easily. I love seeing you beautifully dressed. I love that you trust me enough to take you out with your womb full. But I also hate the idea that anyone other than I may look at your beauty. It’s mine.”
That was what the obnoxious voice in my head kept saying. He’s mine.
And I would never have chosen him, had he not stolen me.
My dress was red but not garish. Long, full sleeves of a floaty material. The neckline cut in a V-shape, yet my breasts were not exposed. The idea was instead to draw the eye to my swollen middle. This garment had been made specifically to showcase the distended belly of a plugged female.
Or a pregnant one.
The remaining, flowing fabric fell to my sandaled feet.
“I have a gift for you.”
Gift? The only gifts I’d ever received were sweets from my mother.
Partly suspicious but far more intrigued, I stopped playing with my skirt and gave him my attention. In his hands was an unassuming rectangular box.
But when his fingers lifted the lid, I found myself more than just intrigued.
I was enthralled.
It was the same sort of pink crystal I had stolen from him all those years ago, set in gold and glittering from a fine chain.
Something beautiful of this world that could only be found in the fog.
My snatching fingers had it before he might set it free, where I dangled it before my eyes, transfixed.
Jewelry. Jewelry was something very special I had seen in the magazines. Sparkly details on the most beautiful pictures.
“Can I help you put it on?”
I was going to get to wear that beautiful necklace. Me!
And I was in a dress. Wearing sandals, not boots. My hair was styled like a human’s, and my lips and eyes were painted in a manner I’d seen in my new magazine.
And I loved it far more than I should when I presented my throat so he could wrap a chain around my neck. When the clasp was closed, I pressed the crystal against my breastbone as if I might make it merge with me and stay forever.
“I never imagined I’d see you so giddy,” Cyderial teased.
He could make fun of me all he wanted. This gift meant a great deal to me—so much so that I had the oddest desire to cry.
Oh my God, I was crying.
That was what damaged psyches did when they were overwhelmed with simple things. Like forbidden, beautiful presents.
It was just a necklace, but if he tried to take it away, I would harm him.
His fingers were gentle atop my fist. “It’s yours to keep, Lorieyn. You don’t need to grip it like that.”
My behavior was completely ridiculous; a rational corner of my brain knew that. I was even embarrassed and knew I was blushing something fierce.
“Do you want to see what it looks like on you?”
I did, but my fist was not getting the message to let go. I wanted to be a normal, healthy person who could function properly, but my entire fucking world had been tilted on its axis, and my brain was refusing.
Still, he urged me toward a mirror, where he stood like a comforting beast at my back. Red dress, upswept hair, skin glittering when the light hit a random iridescent scale.
Brown eyes just like my mother’s.
Clenched fist around a tiny gold chain.
The place where he bit me earlier still bore a faint wound, one that would be faded by the end of the night. Something about that inspired regret.
Gently prying my fingers loose, he said, “Let go now. Take a look. See how it suits you.”
Wrapping my arms below my breasts, I hugged them close and stared at the glittering gem.
Everything about it, I loved. How it had been cut and polished to catch the light. The size of it surrounded in smaller sparkly stones. That it was dainty but still had weight.
In the academy, I would have spent hours just staring at it in my room, just as I spent years of my life staring at the pink geode I had stolen from Cyderial so long ago.
Wiping my cheeks, I said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now.”
He did. “You have needs that could not be met before we were mated. It is less strange than you might imagine to behave this way.”
Basically, he had broken me and now intended to put me back together with pretty rocks, good food, sex, and soft clothing. My sisters… they too would struggle under such an onslaught. The cold, sad truth was that recruits who survived the academy were seriously damaged.
He knew it. Everyone who was going to meet me that evening knew it.
In their turn, they had all been damaged too.
“I like the necklace.” It had to be said, in case he thought to take it away.
Strong arms came around mine, and he hugged me. “I know you do.”
8
Soft voices drifted about the courtyard, a bubbling fountain dominating the center of the pretty communal space.
Tables dotted the open area, lights strung up to twinkle in the darkness above. There was laughter and… what I could only assume was dancing.
The strangeness of females with swollen bellies speaking freely to males, the oddity of males touching the women. Fingers at their elbows, a light stroke on the shoulder. Innocent exchanges that would have seen a young man murdered at the academy.
These behaviors were acceptable here, but my brain had not caught up. It screamed at me that these hybrids were not safe, not with the general right there, watching them break every rule that had been drilled into me since I was five.
My mind and body disagreed, fully at war in those first few moments as I observed hybrid graduates intermingling. Didn’t they remember the price of making eye contact with the opposite sex? Laughter was never encouraged or allowed in public spaces. All joy had to be private after the vault was sealed shut for the night.
The death grip I had on Cyderial’s arm was not for my benefit. Some terrified part of me was trying to keep him away from them.
I had seen so many punished over the years, so many taken away, never to return.
I could see their faces flashing through my mind, faces I would never forget.
Under this male’s rule, instructors, watchers, and even his own hand had hurt my friends. Overcome with rancor-laced terror, I tripped over my tongue, “I-I never asked. Was that boy you took the lock of Sylvia’s hair from her mate?”
“Yes, thought it was an unfortunate waste of a good female on a boy too young to properly care for her,” Cyderial responded, immediate and gentle. “He wasn’t able to knot her after the opening. Sylvia’s reproductive system was not fully activated. We are unsure if she will be able to bear children.”
A wave of sadness came with such knowledge. Sylvia had been a sweet sister who, like me, loved children. And her misfortune would have been preventable if she had known what would take place when an infatuated boy wanted to penetrate her. But ultimately, it was Sylvia’s decision. “She did like him enough to give him her hair. She chose him.”
“And she will have to live with the consequences of being mated to a low-ranked soldier who lacked wisdom and the experience necessary to provide for his female’s needs.” He moved into my line of sight, urging me to meet his all-pervading gaze. “Would it not have been better if she had the opportunity to meet someone with the means to provide everything she might desire and the physical ability to give her body what it needs?”
Why did he get to decide what was best for others?
There was no question of my feelings on the matter. “Keeping the genders segregated isn’t foolproof. It would have been better if you hadn’t kept her ignorant. Cyderial, even I snuck out to kiss boys… specifically to rebel against your iron grip when it was too tight.”
“And your mate is old enough and wise enough to understand that to exercise an iron grip now would be a foolish approach and only lead to further trouble… considering the spirit of my mate.” Eyes dancing with playful mirth, he said with all calmness, “Hence why we are here, even though you may not be mentally ready to mingle with your kind so soon.”
Both hearts beating so hard I was certain Cyderial could hear them, I took a shaky breath, unblinking as I waited for something awful to happen.
It never did.
“Your nervous system will adapt.” The general, the reason for my broken response, tried to soothe me. “This is a normal reaction for someone fresh out of the academy.”
Because I had been traumatized there. We all were.
Crushing down the anxiety, I shook off distracting fears and measured the crowd once again. “I will manage it. There isn’t much time before several of my sisters graduate. General Thayer will hurt Maeve if I can’t help her understand. She will not forgive him as quickly as I am tolerating you; I swear it. Her goals are bigger than any pleasure he might try to distract her with. What she could do for hybrids would be ruined if she’s wasted being mated, especially to a male only interested in knots while pretending anything he does is for her benefit.”
That got his attention. “What are her goals?”
Slicing a mean look his way, I curled my lip. “None of your business.”
Cocking a brow, he asked, “Do you really think my actions toward you are not for you benefit?”
Teeth clenched, I answered, “I’m not talking about me. I’m different. I’m talking about Maeve. My goals were self-serving; hers are much grander.”
“I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself. You’re an explorer with an inquisitive mind. It is one of the reasons I feel you have taken so splendidly to sex. Few young mates would ride their male, even were her mate to intoxicate her beyond reason.” Smoothing my hair and tucking a stray strand behind me ear, he added, “They lie there and submit; you demand and take. And it isn’t just when we fuck that you are so curious. You are here, willing to approach males far beyond your rank and experience, simply to benefit your sisters. It is an unusual trait, especially in one so young.”
We had only mated a few times. Maybe I had been a little aggressive in receiving, but I didn’t know that was unusual! I had ridden him, and sung soft rhythms for him, and luxuriated when I allowed myself to let go.
I was a freak.
Face flaming, a sorry mental image of a girl just lying there so bland to me that I could hardly manage to squeak, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”
He took me under his arm, tucking me against his side. “You’re splendid. I want to make sure you understand that, my dear.”
Was my enjoyment of pleasure part of the reason he let me leave his house? Was that a secret the other women needed to know? It was certainly something to consider, but first—the issue of even reaching the unmated females. “You promise to support me when I speak with your friends?”
Nodding, he urged me a step forward. “You have some valid points and deserve to be heard. However, I do not think to accomplish more than planting a seed tonight. It may take years of watering to even sprout. Thayer is your best chance at any sort of immediate progress. Even there, you don’t have much leverage. He could walk into the academy right now and take her if he wanted to. Brute force over strategy has always been his approach, if you understand my meaning.”
The colossal male would break little Maeve in half if he ever got inside her, and I didn’t like him in the slightest.
“He will arrive as soon as word gets out that my mate is in public. That should give you some time to settle into this new environment and prepare,” Cyderial said with a smirk, aware of my trail of thoughts.
A new environment indeed. One filled with soft music, a stringed instrument played by a woman with a lilting voice. She had auburn hair in loose waves around her shoulders and the vibrant green eyes most common in our kind. Not one uniform was to be found, no hint of our purpose.
Not one sword.
Slowly, I took in all I might gather. “I don’t recognize anyone.”
“A certain rank is required for admission to this courtyard. No recent graduate’s song has attracted any of the unmated males here. You are the first to draw one of our most powerful males in decades.”
Thoughts that several of these men may have been lonely for ages fostered an unwitting spark of sympathy in my breast. “I wonder why.”
“Some believe it is an act of God,” Cyderial said, patting where my hand rested in the crook of his elbow. “Others blame the humans for destroying the more volatile strains of vorec genetics that created the older generations. Then there is you, hope for all of them. Beautiful and stable. Brilliant. There is a reason they are staring at you right now. But you are mine—because I am the strongest and made myself worthy. Tell them that, and they may mimic my approach.”
