Lovely Broken Strength, page 6
My hands fisted over my knees. “Yeah, I know.” I licked my lips, the weight of Charlie’s disappointment crushing. I’d felt a lot of disappointment in myself the last few years, but this was something else. This was the weight of a father. My gut twisted with shame. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.” I paused as if he were going to speak words into the silence. “I don’t have an excuse. Not a good one anyway. I just needed to get out of here for a while. I needed—” I cut myself off, glancing away. The truth was, I hadn’t known what I’d needed when I left town.
The only thing on my mind when I left was getting away from it all. I was running away from the voice of my father—my abusive, piece-of-shit father—blaming me for everything. I hadn’t been thinking of anything, or anyone, else.
When I looked back up, Charlie wasn’t staring any longer. He’d turned his attention to the TV where an episode of a daytime game show played. I breathed in deep, something in my chest loosened.
I leaned back into the couch, taking in the place for the first time in years. Not much had changed. It was cleaner, the space worn and lived in, but spotless. There was no dust on the surfaces or walls. No clutter on the furniture. There was a basic, spiral bound notebook sitting on the side table next to the couch and I picked it up, curious.
I opened the blue cardboard cover. A pen was stuffed into the silver spiral and I slipped it out, thinking of doodling to pass the time. As I flipped through the pages, it seemed that most of them were filled.
Ellie’s handwriting covered every page. I paused, afraid I’d stumbled upon her diary. But looking closer, it was something else. Flipping back to the beginning, I started on the first page and began to read.
It was some kind of story, like a handwritten novel. Ellie always loved to read and I knew she journaled, but this…this was something else entirely. I had no idea she wrote books and according to this, she was good at it. She had a way not only with words, but with creating characters that felt real and raw.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but Charlie made a noise deep in his throat that brought me out of Ellie’s novel world. I blinked over at him. He stared at me expectantly.
I checked the time, shocked that hours had passed. I was supposed to give him lunch. I popped up from the couch, giving Charlie an apologetic look. “Sorry, I’ll get your food.” I set the notebook down on the coffee table, already excited to come back to it later. Charlie glanced down at it, his brow arched. I scrubbed the back of my neck. “Ellie is something else. Did you know that she liked to write?”
One side of his mouth twitched up as he nodded.
“She’s really good.”
He nodded again. I grinned, turning and heading toward the kitchen to grab his lunch.
After lunch, I lost track of time when I went back to read. Before I realized it, Ellie came bursting through the door of the trailer. I jumped up from the couch where I’d spent most of my time reading. Ellie met my gaze briefly before she hung her purse back up on the hook. She went to Charlie and planted a kiss on the top of his head.
“How was everything?” she asked.
“Good. I think Charlie enjoyed my company.” I winked. Charlie grimaced before looking up at his daughter and rolling his eyes.
Ellie smiled—a real, genuine smile I hadn’t seen in so long. It stirred something in my stomach. She looked at me again, that smile falling slightly, but not completely. Something about her demeanor changed, like she was standing straighter. Her expression was less guarded as she studied me.
She crossed her arms over her chest and stepped closer. “I really appreciate it, Ty.”
“Anytime.”
She took a deep breath. “So, are you…staying? In town, I mean.”
I stepped toward her too, craving the closeness we used to share. I was glad when she didn’t back away.
“Yeah, I think so.”
She nodded, but didn’t reply. I couldn’t decipher whether that information made her happy or not. I guess it didn’t matter.
“I should probably get going then,” I said, not wanting to leave but I also didn’t want to overstay my welcome. I had to take things slow if she was ever going to trust me again.
She nodded. She was so close, her flowery scent that was uniquely Ellie enveloped me. Like the wildflowers that covered the property in the spring and summer. I inhaled deep, the smell familiar and comforting.
Damn, I wanted to touch her. I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around her like I had a thousand times before. I wanted to hear her laugh and feel her warmth and know that she was…my friend.
I held her gaze, my lip tipping up at the corner. “You know what?”
She tilted her head to the side, some of her guarded demeanor returning. “What’s that?”
“I can’t believe you never told me you liked to write.”
Her face paled. “What?”
My smile slipped as she backed away. I glanced at the notebook on the coffee table. Her gaze followed mine, widening more when she saw what I was looking at. “You’re a really good writer, El. Like, really talented. How come you never told me?”
Her mouth dropped open as her gaze snapped back to mine. Blood pooled beneath her pale skin, making her cheeks fire-red. “You—you read that?”
I frowned, my stomach plummeting at the mortified expression on her face. “It was just sitting on the side table.” I shrugged, trying to make it seem like not a big deal, because it obviously was a big deal to her. “You don’t have to hide it. It’s really good.”
She stumbled back as if I had slapped her. “Oh, my God.” She shook her head in disbelief. “How could you?” Her eyes suddenly blazed; two blue flames boring into me. “What the hell gave you the right to read my private stuff?”
I raised my hands, palms out. “Ellie, I didn’t know it was private. I just picked it up and—”
“Stop,” she snapped. “Just go Ty.” She turned and opened the front door.
What the hell. “Ellie,” I said, walking toward her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“And yet, that’s all you seem to do,” she spat.
We stared at each other as the wind kicked up, whipping her hair around her face as she held open the door.
My jaw tightened, my own anger rising to meet hers. I stepped up to her, glaring down, but she didn’t shrink away. She held herself tall, seeming almost as big as me even though the top of her head barely met my chin.
Was it really that hard for her to take a compliment from me? I understood I was an asshole. I was the one who left her and she didn’t have to give me her friendship back. Fine. What pissed me off was her degrading herself. Doing shit like hanging out at bars with men who mistreated her and hiding something beautiful about herself—then blowing up at me when all I was trying to do was compliment her talent.
I leaned down until my forehead was inches from hers. “Hate me if you want, Ellie. But I won’t stand here and watch you hate yourself.”
And then I turned, stomping through the door without looking back.
Chapter Nine
Tyson
A screeching, high-pitched wail woke me from my dream. I jerked awake, groaning as my nephew screamed again from somewhere within the house. I loved him and all, but that kid had a pair of lungs that could rival an opera singer.
I flopped over in bed and glared at the ceiling. It had been a good dream. One that involved a very pretty girl…or at least, the back of her was pretty. I never did get to see her face before the baby interrupted. I scrubbed a hand over my stubbled face. I shaved my beard off a couple weeks ago. I didn’t miss it, but I didn’t love having to shave again regularly.
I sighed, blinking the sleep away along with the last remnants of the dream girl. It had been a long time since I’d gone on a date, or seen any woman, really. Maybe it was time to branch out since I wasn’t hiding in the house any longer.
Crew wailed again. The kid sounded demanding and I grimaced. I didn’t mind living with my brother. I’d lived with him for basically all my life—minus the three years I was away. But he had his own family now. It was probably time to find my own place. That would help with the whole dating situation too, at least.
I dragged myself out of bed and threw on some clothes before making my way to the kitchen.
Wren was in the living room. Crew was on the floor and she leaned over him playing peek-a-boo. The baby seemed to be in a much better mood already as he grinned and laughed for his mama. I smiled and poured a glass of orange juice, pairing it with a protein bar from the pantry and sat down at the large island.
“Morning,” Wren said, taking up a rattle to hold little Crew’s attention.
I nodded as I chewed a large bite of the protein bar. She stared at me a bit too long, her brows furrowing.
“Everything okay?”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I was still brooding over my fight with Ellie the other day. Apparently, it was written all over my face.
“Sure.” I shrugged.
Wren picked up Crew, bouncing him on her hip as she walked toward me. “You look stressed. I mean, more than usual.” Crew pulled on her shirt, fisting the stretchy fabric in his hand and stuffing it in his mouth. “You’ve seemed to be doing…better since you started going out again. I’m just checking in.”
I set my glass of OJ down after taking a long drink. I put on a smile and hoped it looked convincing. “Thanks, Chickie. Really, I’m fine.”
She bit her lip, but didn’t push it any further. “Okay. Good. Well, I’m about to put this little monster down for a nap.” She removed her shirt from Crew’s mouth and switched him to her other hip. She was about to turn, but she hesitated.
I tiled my head. “What?”
“Are you going to Friday Fest tonight? It’s the first of the season.”
I frowned. Cypress Falls held a small festival downtown once a month on a Friday in the spring and summer months. There was music and local artists and lots of street food. They closed down main street for the occasion. I used to go to every one, but hadn’t in years.
I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to go again. In a way, that was a part of my old life. And while I was reclaiming parts of it, there were other parts I wasn’t interested in. Partying was one of them.
“Probably not,” I answered.
Wren didn’t look pleased with that answer. “Well, if you change your mind, Atlas and I are going. I’ve managed to convince Ellie to come along too.”
I stiffened. “In that case, I definitely shouldn’t go.”
She frowned. “Why not?”
“Ellie hates my guts if you haven’t gotten the memo.” I shrugged, but that truth was like a knife in the gut.
Crew rubbed his eyes and started to fuss. Wren bounced him harder, cradling him to her chest. “Ellie is stubborn,” she said. “You know that. It’ll take time. But…don’t give up on her, okay?” Her face softened with worry. “She’s had to deal with a lot.”
I swallowed and nodded. Wren gave a small, half smile and patted my shoulder. Crew popped his head up from her chest and leaned toward me. His tiny fingers curled into my hair. I winced as he gave it a good tug.
Wren giggled and carefully unwound my hair from between his fingers. “Sorry. I’m officially putting him down for a nap now. Give Uncle Ty a kiss.” She held both his hands out of the way as Crew opened his mouth wide and planted a sloppy, wet baby kiss on my cheek.
I tried not to grimace at the drool coating my skin. “Night, little man,” I said, ruffling his dark head of hair.
Wren finally turned and headed down the hall toward the nursery. Crew watched me from over her shoulder. Sometimes, it still shocked me that I was an uncle. I would’ve never thought my brother would find someone and settle down, let alone with someone as great as Wren. I stared at the little guy until they disappeared through a door. Something in my chest twinged, the memory of my younger brother, and baby Crew’s namesake, came to the surface of my mind.
I didn’t think of him often, the little brother we’d lost to our abusive father, but he snuck up on me sometimes. Now that I thought about it, baby Crew looked a lot like him.
Despite the ache of loss and grief, I smiled. No matter how long someone had been gone, they never truly left, it seemed. They always lived on if you chose to see them.
My feet pounded against the sidewalk, my heart racing in time with my strides. It wasn’t recommended that I run. In fact, I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be running. But I needed to do something. Pain spiked through my muscles and the tendons in my knee, but I relished it. It had been too long since I had a good workout. It was time I got back to taking care of my body and building up my strength. Since Cypress Falls didn’t have a great gym that I liked, I decided to go for a run.
And damn, it felt good.
Sweat slicked my skin as I passed groups of people. Even though it was early, they had started settling up already for Friday Fest. None of them really paid me any mind, though. In a breath I was gone anyway.
I was beginning to pass the last buildings of Main Street when something strained. Hot pain lashed up and down my leg and I stumbled, almost falling face-first through a large window of a brick building. I groaned, bracing myself against the windowpane and shifting my weight to my good leg.
Maybe running wasn’t the best idea after all. I gave myself a few moments to catch my breath and lower my heart rate. The sudden pain receded, but I waited until I got the courage to test it out. I leaned gingerly on my bad leg. My knee twinged, but the intense pain didn’t return, not even when I put my full weight on it.
“Heard.” I acknowledged the signal my body was sending me. “I get it. No more running.”
I looked up at the window of the building I faced. My sight caught on a For Sale or Lease sign taped in the corner. I didn’t know why, but I started reading the fine print, my brows raising. There was a loft bedroom apartment on the top floor.
I cupped my hands against the window and tried to get a good look inside. The glass was dirty and it was dark, it seemed like a large, open space. I stepped back, putting my hands on my hips. I wasn’t sure what was in the building before, but it was in a good location. Close to downtown without actually being a part of the main shopping district.
I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of the sign with the realtor’s contact information.
I didn’t know what I’d do with a building near downtown Cypress Falls, but I did need a place to live. And it didn’t hurt to keep my options open.
I ended up at Friday Fest that evening anyway.
It wasn’t much of my choice, to be fair. Knox and Annabelle were passing out fliers for the annual Willow Hope Ranch Fundraiser Gala. I happened to get reigned into helping.
The two had brought a pair of their most tame horses and they really drew the attention of the people walking around the festival. There’d been a crowd around the horses since we arrived.
Annabelle was in her element, grinning like a pageant queen and passing out fliers from atop her horse. Knox stayed on the ground, softly introducing people to the animals while I stood beside him with a stack of papers in my hands.
As the sun began to set, the street lights and electric lamps lining main street flickered to life. Some of the vendors started packing up their booths as the vibe slowly shifted into nightlife. Soon, the bars would be serving on their outside patios and makeshift beer tents as the bands performed on temporary, outside stages.
As the crowd in the street thinned, I leaned over to Knox, who was finally free to talk for the first time that evening.
“The annual gala, huh?” I stared at one of the few pamphlets I had left in my stack. Memories of all the past galas surfaced in my mind. I’ve attended since we were in elementary school.
Knox straightened his hat. “Yup. It happens every year.”
I studied the paper with narrowed brows. They’d never passed out fliers during Friday Fest. In the past, Knox’s mother, who also had run most of the ranch, planned and coordinated the whole thing. It was always one of the most anticipated events in the town. I wondered if attendance had fallen off after…after everything that had happened at the ranch a few years ago.
“How is your mama doing, by the way,” I asked, hesitantly. I hadn’t asked about her since we started speaking again. Knox’s mother had been in the hospital since she was attacked in one of the barns one night…by his own brother. He was in prison now, and they didn’t like to talk about it. No one blamed them. It was a black stain on the once prestigious Evans family and I wondered how much exactly that affected the ranch.
Knox stroked the glossy, brown neck of his horse, pausing before he replied. “There’s been no change.”
My chest tightened. No change in the last three years? Last I knew, she was completely comatose. Hooked up to machines to keep her alive. “I’m sorry, man.”
Knox nodded stiffly.
“We should be getting these horses back home,” Annabelle interrupted our conversation as she slid down from her saddle.
“I can help you,” I offered. I didn’t want to stay. I hadn’t wanted to come in the first place. Wren and Atlas had come by, pushing Crew in the buggy, but I hadn’t seen Ellie with them. I didn’t know if she was here—like it was my business anyway.
Annabelle glanced from Knox and then to me, sucking in her bottom lip. She took the reins of Knox’s horse, as well as her own. “Actually, I can probably get these girls back home just fine on my own.”
Knox frowned. “What do you mean?”
Annabelle jutted out her chin. “I can drive that big ol’ truck, you know. It’s not hard and these two are as docile as can be. It’ll be fine. You and Ty stay and have some fun. It’s been a while.”
She shrugged and sauntered away with both horses in tow.
Knox and I glanced at each other. Then, he smiled, something quite rare for Knox’s facial expressions. “It wouldn’t hurt to stay for a little while. I’ve been wanting to see one of the bands playing tonight.”
