Grempire (The Rules Book 3), page 11
“Can’t catch me, bitch! You’re way too —”
A small gray pebble whistled through the air, catching the bird on the side of his head and laying him out flat. Emma, who’d lifted her leg to try and stomp on the bird once more, paused, looking back to see Greg, who was holding another stone.
“Man, that bird is a real piece of work, isn’t he?”
“Tell me about it,” Emma muttered. “He bit me!”
“Such uncouth and crude behavior from a companion is despicable,” Gordon said, turning his nose up with a huff.
“I don’t know,” Daisy said, eyeing the bird as Emma lifted his limp body by one of his feet. “I think I actually like him.”
“Die!”
Sam, who’d been distracted by the bird’s antics, whirled, just in time to see one of the cultists – who was nearly naked after having all his clothes burned off by the Lightning Cloud – swinging a club right at his face. Not having much time to think, his hand flashed down to his Flintlock. It was out of its holster in an instant, Sam already squeezing the trigger.
There was a flash of light, a scream of pain, and a moment later, the cultist was rolling on the ground, clutching between his legs and howling like a banshee.
“Holy shit, man! You shot him in the dick!” Greg exclaimed.
Sam grinned, slotting the gun back into the holster.
“Jump Street for life, bitches!” he yelled, pumping his fist in the air.
His cheerfulness was cut short a second later as a loud gong sounded in his head.
DIVINE CURSE
You have broken a rule and have been struck by a divine curse.
Effect: HP Will Not Regenerate
Duration: H 5 : M 59 : S 59
“Fuck!” Sam yelled.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Greg asked, worried that something might have happened.
“He’s fine,” Emma replied, recognizing the look. “Did your rule of the day involve not shooting someone in the dick?”
“Yes,” Sam growled, gritting his teeth in annoyance. “I totally forgot about it in the moment.”
“I do think we should leave while we still can,” Gordon interrupted. “We are lucky no one has come after hearing all of that commotion.”
“No one’s going to come,” Sam replied, rolling his eyes. “Once you defeat a group of bad guys, even in the middle of a freaking city, you’re pretty much home free.”
“What the hell kind of logic is that?” Greg asked.
“Fantasy trope logic,” Sam replied. “But we really should be going either way. We have a god to kill.”
“Oh, yes, I forgot to mention,” Gordon said, as though only remembering something important. “The foul-beaked miscreant and I discovered where the false god, Hay Deez, is located.”
“Finally! Some good news!” Sam exclaimed. “So, where is he?”
“To reach him, we will have to go back over the bridge and head west through the Creep Swamp. It should only be a journey of a few days.”
“Oh, joy,” Sam muttered. “Back across the precarious bridge and through the creepy swamp. I love my life.”
“Glad to hear you are so positive,” Gordon said as he began padding off toward the town’s exit, a new stick clutched in his jaws.
Sam’s hand came up, the Flintlock aimed at Gordon’s retreating back. The others watched him nervously for a few long moments, wondering if he would indeed go through with shooting the dog. Finally, Sam shoved the weapon back into its holster and straightened to his full height.
“One day,” he muttered. “One day…”
17
“So, who’s going first?” Sam asked as they stopped before the rickety bridge.
“Well, since you did go first last time,” Emma began.
“You may as well lead the way!” Greg finished.
He glared at the both of them, and they just responded with shit-eating grins.
“I can come with you if you’re scared,” Daisy said, brushing up against his leg. “You can hold onto me for support.”
“Oh. Thank you, but we can’t do that,” Sam said quickly. “While the bridge will probably hold you without any problem, I’m just too heavy and might bring us both down.”
Sam didn’t say what he was really thinking, as that would have been monumentally idiotic. Daisy was a bit on the larger side, as she seemed to enjoy munching on vast quantities of honeycomb. It was like Gordon with his sticks or Barry with his mango. All of the companions seemed to have odd quirks built in, and Daisy’s didn’t exactly help her stay slim.
“Wow. You’re such a gentleman,” she said, dropping to her belly and hiding her face in her paws.
“I can assure you that Samuel is just about the least gentlemanly person I have ever met,” Gordon replied.
He then dodged neatly to the side, avoiding the rock Sam had thrown at him.
Damn dog.
“Fine! I’ll cross first, but if I die, I’ll haunt you all until the day you die!”
“On second thought, maybe I should go across first,” Greg said jokingly.
“I don’t know why I missed you,” Sam deadpanned.
“Come on, man. You know you love me.”
Sam just glared at him, then turned and stepped onto the bridge. Once again, it began swaying from side to side, as though it had a personal vendetta against him and wanted to throw him clear. But, as with last time, he managed to hang on, keeping a tight grip on the rope. However, what he had not expected, was for the bridge to pull hard to one side, revealing a massive troll as it pulled itself onto the bridge.
“Oh, fuck me. Again?!”
“Stay there so I can eat…” the troll began.
“Get lost!” Sam yelled, blasting the troll with his Mana Shot and sending him flying off the bridge.
He continued, getting the notification a few seconds later.
You deal: -8,105 Damage to Bridge Troll (Falling).
Bridge Troll dies! +14,250 (9,500 X1.5) XP
LEVEL UP!
Congratulations! You have reached level 26! You have 5 new attribute points to distribute.
Would you like to distribute them now?
Yes/No
Attention: As you have reached level 26, you now have 24 hours to assign all of your attribute points and choose a Specialization. If you do not, the points will be randomly allocated, and a Specialization will be chosen based upon whichever attribute is currently the highest.
Holy crap, how strong was that troll? he couldn’t help wonder.
“Not sure if I should cheer or not,” Sam muttered as he dismissed the notification, just in time to avoid falling through the hole he’d created last time.
He was honestly excited to choose a Specialization, but was also a bit nervous. Because he had two attributes above 100, thanks to items, and one just above 50, he wasn’t sure what he would get. He’d need to check his status once he reached the other side of the bridge and decide where to allocate his points. Luckily for Sam, no other trolls appeared, allowing him to make it to safety.
“I cleared the way for you all again,” he called as he turned back around. “You’re welcome!”
Sam was pretty sure he saw Emma rolling her eyes, but the motion was hidden as Greg stepped out in front of her and began crossing the bridge. By the time he passed the halfway point, it was clear he’d be fine, and that no trolls were going to bother him. He was both annoyed and relieved. Annoyed, because it seemed that the trolls were out to get him, and relieved because his friends wouldn’t have to deal with them.
Seeing that Greg was fine, Sam pulled up his status and looked it over as he tried to decide where to assign his points.
CHARACTER STATUS (ABBREVIATED)
Name: Sam
Race: Human
Level: 26
XP: 780/225,000
AP: 5
Class: Over-Mage
HP: 410/410 (Regen 4.1 Per Second)
MP: 1,220/1,220 (Regen 10.7 Per Second)
STA: 130/130 (Regen 1.3 Per Second)
ATTRIBUTES
Strength: 10
Constitution: 29 (41)
Agility: 8
Endurance: 9 (13)
Intelligence: 107 (122) (+3 Class)
Wisdom: 78 (107) (+3 Class)
Charisma: 60 (+3 Class)
Luck: 16
It looked as though he’d gotten another point in Charisma at some point – likely from his interaction with Daisy – though this still didn’t bring his total high enough to the 75 point mark. He now had to make a choice and decide where to put his points. Truthfully, it wouldn’t really matter, as he didn’t think pushing Intelligence above 125 would make all that much of a difference. Still, investing in his ability to use more MP could never be a bad thing.
“What are you doing?”
Sam jumped as Greg’s voice sounded next to his ear.
“What the hell, man?!” he snapped, clutching at his chest. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“No. Just curious is all.”
“I’m picking my Specialization,” Sam replied, trying to calm his racing heart. “So, if you don’t mind…”
“Oh? Which attribute is your highest?”
Sam looked at him in suspicion for a few moments, then shrugged to himself. He was a Mage, after all, so it should be pretty easy for him to figure out either way.
“Intelligence.”
“Is it over 100?”
“Yeah.”
“Over 125?”
“No, but I have the points to get me there.”
“Do it,” Greg said.
“I was gonna do it either way, but would you care to explain why?”
“It’ll give you a bigger bonus to your new skill and ability,” he explained.
“And how exactly do you know this?”
Greg gave him a grin at that, thrusting his chest forward and looking quite pleased with himself.
“Because I’m level 28.”
Sam stared at him, feeling like a complete moron for not using his Inspect skill until now. But, so long as he was here, he may as well.
HUMAN
Name: Gregory Ashley Herald
Gender: Male
Class: Monk-Martial-Warrior
Level: 28 - HP: 700/700 - MP: 140/140 - STA: 1,120/1,120
Status: Pleased
Greatest Threat: Aura Rush (Ability)
Highest Attribute: Strength (138)
Humans are one of the most common races in Somerset and have no bonuses to any of their attributes.
“Hold on a second,” Sam said, staring at his status. “Your middle name is Ashley?”
Greg’s smug grin vanished in an instant, and a look of pure terror came to his eyes.
“You told me that you didn’t have a middle name!” Sam continued, feeling his lips pulling up into a grin. “And after all those years of making fun of my ridiculous name. Oh, buddy, you are never going to hear the end of this!”
“Come on, Sam, no need to be hasty,” Greg said, holding his hands up. “There’s no need to go that far.”
“Really?” Sam asked, crossing his arms, his grin not diminishing in the slightest. “Because from where I’m standing, I think it’s very necessary. I mean, how else are you going to learn not to fuck with me if I don’t, Ashley?”
The sense of satisfaction Sam felt at using that name was made all the sweeter by the discomfort he saw on Greg’s face. Sure, it was a dick move to use a name like that, but Sam had been endlessly teased about his horrific name, and he felt that Greg deserved a bit of that as well.
“Sam! You’re okay!”
Before Sam could do or say anything else, Daisy rammed into him, driving him to the ground and knocking the wind out of him.
“When I saw that troll coming up, I was so scared! I thought it would eat you!”
“No, I’m fine,” Sam wheezed, trying to wriggle out from under the skunk.
His meager Strength was hardly enough to shift her bulk. He didn’t dare ask her to move, as it would imply she were heavy, and from his perspective, telling that to a massive skunk with the ability to hose him down with some very unpleasant substances would not be a good idea.
“You should take better care of yourself,” she said, pressing her nose into his cheek.
A moment later, Sam felt a hot tongue swipe across it and resisted the urge to shudder. It was wet, slimy, and altogether unpleasant. Worse, he was starting to grow faint from the lack of air entering his lungs.
“Should I be jealous?”
Sam craned his neck upward to see Emma standing over him with crossed arms. “After all, if I tried to do that, you’d toss me off like I was diseased or something.”
“Hold on a minute. Are you telling me that you’re actually into Sam?”
The shock in Greg’s voice was clear, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.
“Well, duh,” Emma replied. “How could I not be? Especially with that adorable face and oh-so-squeezable ass.”
Damn it!
Greg’s grin was back now, and judging by the look, Sam knew that his revenge had been short-lived. Otherwise, he’d never hear the end of his squeezable ass.
“Daisy, I’m fine, really,” he said, trying to keep himself from wheezing. “Now, if you’ll just let me get up…”
“No,” Daisy said, continuing to lick his face. “I need to…hey!”
The skunk cried out in protest as Emma hauled her off of him, allowing him to get to his feet and wipe his face clean.
“What did you do that for, you…you…female dog?!”
“You were crushing him, and he couldn’t breathe,” Emma replied calmly.
“Are you calling me fat?”
Everyone gathered there took a quick step back as Daisy’s tail began to rise.
“Not at all,” Emma said calmly. “But in case you haven’t noticed, Sam is a Mage. He doesn’t exactly have a high Strength or Constitution. Honestly, a fly could probably crush him.”
“Hey!”
“So just try and keep that in mind the next time you go to tackle him,” Emma continued, completely ignoring Sam’s cry of indignation.
Daisy stared at Emma for a few seconds, then turned back to Sam, a look of worry in her eyes.
“Oh, you poor baby! Come here, and stay close to me! I won’t let anyone hurt my precious Sammy Wammy.”
Sam briefly debated taking a running leap into the chasm at that moment. At least the pain of death would be over with quickly.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Greg said, clamping a hand on his shoulder. “Little Sammy Wammy needs to stay here, where it’s safe.”
Sam looked around and saw that just about everyone in the group – Gordon included – was grinning and enjoying themselves at his expense.
I’ll get them all back for this, Sam thought. If it’s the last thing I do!
18
“Why the hell do these places have to smell so bad?” Sam asked, pinching his nose as they walked down the marshy pathway.
It was the only dry patch of land around, with murky, mossy, and tepid water sitting to either side. The water had begun expanding the deeper they headed. Truthfully, Sam was afraid that at some point, they might have to walk through the nasty stuff, and that was something he truly was not looking forward to.
“Aww, does Sammy Wammy need me to hold his little nosey-wosey?” Greg asked, making a baby voice.
“Can it, Ashley!” Sam snapped back.
That got him to shut up, causing them to lapse back into silence and leaving Sam free to think once more. He’d held off on assigning his points or even looking at the Specializations tab that had appeared in his status. He needed some more time to think, but more than that, he wanted to be relaxed and calm when making his decision. Right now, it was late afternoon, which meant they’d be setting up in a few hours, but as of right now, they still had a lot of ground to cover.
He was completely exhausted, wanting to do nothing more than collapse and go to sleep. However, doing so now would ruin his day tomorrow, so he’d decided they should keep plugging onward.
“What’s that, up ahead?” Emma asked, moving to walk beside him.
Sam squinted, peering up at a large wooden arch made of rotting wood.
“No idea,” he muttered, “but those bones don’t exactly instill a whole lot of confidence.”
A few skulls were crudely nailed above the sign, some belonging to animals and others looking very much humanoid.
“Do you think we’re heading into some sort of Dungeon?” Emma wondered.
“That is not likely,” Gordon said, trotting up next to them. “This is probably a territorial mark. It’s like a warning placed by the creature inhabiting this area of the swamp.”
When they passed beneath the arch and received no warning about entering a Dungeon, Gordon’s theory was proven to be correct.
“If it’s not a Dungeon, then what type of monster lives here?” Emma wondered, looking around nervously.
“Not one that we want to run into,” Sam replied. “But, if tropes hold true, we’re going to have to face this thing.”
“What makes you say that?” Greg asked, joining in the conversation.
“It’s one of the fantasy rules,” Sam replied. “If someone mentions a monster, there is a one-thousand percent chance of running into it.”
A low, thrumming sound washed over them then. It was a mix between a growl, a roar, and a hum, which was a very strange combination.
“See what I mean?” Sam deadpanned. “We’ll probably be coming up on it soon.”
“Man, nothing seems to surprise you at all,” Greg said. “I mean, when that troll came climbing over the bridge, I was sure you’d shit yourself. But you just blasted that thing off like it was nothing!”
