My eyes widened just a little. “Then, in that case, I am really hungry. It’s been ages since I’ve had Mike’s cooking.”

  “Well, it’ll be worth the wait.” The tray wobbled a bit until Em found the perfect balance across my knees, then she sat down on the bed just below my crossed ankles. “But it comes with a hidden intention.”

  “It does?”

  “Mm-hm. David said I should look in on you.”

  “Why?” I asked casually, buttering my toast.

  “Said he found you asleep in the library and you … you were calling out for your dad.”

  A lump formed in my throat, catching my first bite of breakfast and making it stick. I swallowed hard, nodding all the while to indicate that I’d answer her as soon as I could breathe. “I dreamt that my dad was Vampirie.”

  “The Original?” Emily smiled widely, her brown eyes sparkling. “God, I wish I’d had that dream.”

  “Well, it was only that—a dream.” I reached over and patted her hand. “Mind you, if he was a vampire, I’d have to keep you away from him.”

  “Me?” She leaned back. “Why?”

  “Because you always had a crush on him—”

  “I so did not!”

  “You so did too!”

  “Okay,” she rescinded, looking down bashfully at her lap. “Maybe I had a little crush.”

  I wheezed out an indignant scoff.

  “But I love Blade,” she added quickly. “Like, really love him. That crush on your dad was only because he was my knight in shining armour. How can a girl not fall for that?”

  I held very still, my toast in hand, going back to my days as a teen at school—where I met my very own knight. “Yeah, almost impossible.”

  She rubbed my ankle. “Did he … did David talk to you about what happened between he and I yet—the Spirit Bind thing?”

  “No.” I shook my head slowly, laying the toast down to grab the coffee. “I had a dream about it that night I found out, though, And it felt so real, I thought maybe I’d snuck into his thoughts and—”

  “What happened in the dream?”

  My lips hesitated against my cup, a breath away from a sip of distraction. But I put it down. This needed to be addressed because, quite frankly, I wasn’t so sure my ‘dream’ was just a product of my imagination. I’d thought for too long that, in the same way I tapped into Jason’s memory of he and I sleeping together, I might have done the same to David. “It was disturbing, to be honest.”

  Em bit her lip, wincing.

  “He…” I went back and allowed myself to remember what I’d seen. “You left his house—some argument about … I can’t remember. But, you walked home alone and didn’t call him to say you were safe.”

  She stiffened, her eyes taking on a rounder, wider shape.

  “You were in your room, and…” I frowned, closing my eyes to see it a bit clearer. “He had on his baseball jacket.”

  “Stop.” She grabbed my leg firmly. “How can you have seen that?”

  “Oh, Em.” I moved the tray aside and shuffled forward to wrap her in my arms for a hug. “That was real? That’s what really happened?”

  She whimpered into my shoulder for a few minutes, making my hair damp. “He just didn’t care how he hurt me, Ara. He knew he’d erase it so he just let loose, you know. He…”

  “I know.” I rubbed her back in a circular motion. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Em.”

  “It’s so hard to hate him, though. I want to hate him. But he was so different then,” she said with a laugh, brushing her hair back from her cheeks. “And I know how it feels to have no compassion for humans. I mean … I only suffered that for a few seconds, and it was enough to make me wanna go out and do some amazingly terrible things.”

  I laughed with her.

  “There’s these two sides, you know? The David that was … I’m sorry to say, horrible—” She smiled apologetically. “And then there’s this David that loved a human. And the two are so different I can’t be mad at the guy I know now.”

  “Hm, yes, he has a bad habit of making it hard to be mad at him.” I softened a bit more when I saw the confusion and sadness fighting for ownership of her eyes. “But, for what it’s worth, Em, I’m glad Jason turned you so you remembered it all. Because I couldn’t imagine not having you here.”

  She smiled at me, cocking her head. “And I couldn’t possibly imagine not being here. I mean, I know we don’t talk much anymore, but I know you’re here for me if I need you, Ara. And you know the same, right?”

  “Yeah. Course I do.”

  “And then there’s David.” She exhaled his name, her posture sinking melodramatically. “I love that boy to bits, but man is he a screw-up when it comes to girls.”

  “He just has a tendency to be a bit selfish, I think—maybe overprotective but lacking the ability to look outside himself enough to realise when that overprotection has become control.”

  Em’s brows went up in unison. “Very analytical of you, Ara.”

  I grinned, tapping my head. “Well, I get plenty of time to think.”

  “Any thoughts on me then? I think I need analysing.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love David. I always have and I know now how much of that was attributed to the Spirit Bind. But it’s messed up. I should hate him. And when it surfaces—you know, the nightmares and the flashbacks of what he did—I get so resolved to march down to his room, rap on his door and tell him he’s a monster. But…”

  “But then you look into those warm, loving eyes, and you just can’t see the monster anymore?”

  “Yeah.” She nodded, tucking her silky hair behind her ear. “And I don't know if that’s because he isn’t a monster or if maybe I’m just stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid, Em,” I promised. “You’re just in a very unique situation. Fact is, David did bad things. He still does bad things. But he would never do now what he did to you then—not even to a stranger. Not even to prove a point or gain control.”

  “I know. I do really know that. But—”

  “Maybe you just need to have it out with him,” I suggested. “Tell him how much you hate him—”

  “I have.”

  “Huh?”

  “I have,” Em said again, a little more awkward this time. “We talk about it a lot, you know.”

  “Really?”

  “Mm-hm.” She nodded. “And he always comforts me after. I mean, it’s really weird being in the arms of the person who hurt me, but … he holds me when I cry.”

  I leaned back a bit so I could clearly see her eyes. “He doesn’t talk to me about it.”

  “And he won’t.” Her whole face held the apology I also heard in her voice. “He’s just so ashamed and so sorry, Ara. He’s never had to be sorry for things he’s done before, you know—never had to live around someone he’s hurt that badly.”

  I nodded.

  “Except you,” she added.

  “Me?” I said, shaking my confused head. “What d’you mean?”

  Her chest lifted and sunk with a hard breath. “I know him—through and through. And our special connection means that he can’t hide anything from me.”

  “What would he try to hide?”

  “That he hates himself for the anger he displayed—the way he displayed it toward you lately,” she said slowly, calculatedly, as if she was holding back. “But he hasn’t actually admitted that. Not even to me. And he normally does, you know. He normally tells me how he’s feeling about things, but every time he even gets close to talking about you, he…” She screwed her nose up. “It’s … he gets up—really quickly, and just disappears.”

  “So he doesn't wanna talk about me. What’s so weird about that?”

  “Well, the fact that he goes to such great lengths to avoid it.” She laughed. “When he runs away, it almost looks like he’s sat on a nest of fire ants.”

  I laughed too.

  “He just jumps up and I don’t see him again for a few hours.”

  “Weird.”

  “I know.” She smiled so sweetly then that I saw the Em I knew from high school again—the girl who’d not suffered at the hands of vampires. “He’s a good man, Ara. I mean, he’s done some shitty things, but … that guy we all loved at school—”

  “He’s still in there, huh?”

  “Yeah. So…” she started, and now I could actually feel her getting to the point. “I know he’s made it clear that he doesn’t love you anymore but … don’t give up on him.”

  “Couldn’t even if I wanted to, Em,” I said, making my eyes wider for a second.

  “Really?”

  “Really.” I went to grab my tray again but stopped. “Is that not obvious?”

  “No. Not even a little bit.”

  “Wow. Guess I’m better at hiding my feelings than I thought.” I decided then that at least one person needed to know the whole truth, so I slid the mood-ring off my finger and held it up to show Em. “I told Lilith I had no intentions of being with Jason.”

  “H-o-l-y cow!” She leaned forward and grabbed my hand, pressing firmly on the tip of my nail as if it’d change the colour of my Mark. “She did this to you?”

  “Branded me, yeah.” I drew my hand back and slipped the cover on. “Told me David would never come back to me and that I’d die because I chose him.”

  Em’s mouth dropped, her tiny teeth showing just below her lip. “Die?”

  “Yep.” I grabbed my tray and laid it over my lap. “But you can’t say anything, okay?”

  “But—”

  “There’s no changing it now,” I said casually. “It’s set in stone, Em. And if you tell anyone, all it’ll do is upset them.”

  “But I don’t want you to die.”

  I had to laugh at the way she said that, as though she was complaining that she didn’t want me to go on holiday for a year or move away or something. “It won’t be for a while, I imagine. In fact, I’m pretty sure it means Drake will get his way and have Lilith’s soul back. But at least I’ll leave a beautiful little baby girl behind.”

  She sat there soaking the news in while my breakfast went cold. “How can you be so okay with this?”

  “I’m not,” I scoffed. “But the alternative is worse.”

  “What’s the alternative?”

  “I give myself wholly to Jason and basically forget David ever existed.”

  “And … you can’t do this, why?”

  My inner teen resurfaced, rolling her eyes. “Because my mind and heart are finally clear, Em. For once. And … even after I’ve been given the chance to be with Jason … I still just want David.”

  “So you don’t love Jason anymore, you just, what? Fell out of love?”

  “It was never that kind of love. I needed to explore my feelings for Jase, and when I did, they were so intense that…” That I threw myself off a lighthouse to avoid the truth. “I thought maybe it was real love—maybe it had to be. And it could have been, I guess, if I let it grow. But it’s dying more every day. I just see him more and more as a good friend—someone I’ll always be there for but … will never be with.”

  “And you’re willing to die for that? To … I mean, you’re just gonna throw in the towel because David won’t take you back?”

  “No.” I laughed incredulously. “I’ll fight ’til the death, Em. But I’d rather die fighting for what I loved than to live eternally without it.”

  Only the back of her throat made a noise. She closed her mouth, then opened it again, her eyelashes fluttering. “I … have you told David that?”

  “No. And I don’t mean to,” I added, pointing suggestively at her face.

  She shoved my hand down. “I won’t tell him. But I think he’d at least like to hear it.”

  “Well—” I poked my egg. The yolk had gone hard and dry. “I’ll think about it. But don’t you go saying anything to anyone. Especially about the death card Fate dealt me.”

  “I promise.” She offered her pinky. “But what about Blade?”

  I shook her pinky with mine. “Especially not Blade.”

  Her eyes drifted slowly onto the day outside the window then, a hard gust of air following from her lips. “Okay. Fine. Look, I gotta go. I’ll see ya at dinner.”

  “Okay. See ya.” I waved her off dismissively, knowing she was pissed, but I was just too hungry to really care.

  “And…” She stopped, holding my door slightly ajar. “I know it doesn’t bring him back or make it any easier to deal with but … I’m so sorry about your dad.”

  My mind flashed back to that dream from last night, going through the stages of acceptance all over again as I told myself he wasn’t a vampire. He was dead. “Thanks, Em.”

  “Just … you know you’re not the only one, right?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean—” She tightened her lips for a second. “I cry for him all the time.”

  My eyes watered along with hers, and she left the room quickly then before either of us started blubbering.

  ***

  Mike changed his usually long stride to match that of the tiny thing beside him, her head only just coming up past his nipples, her frame so petite she could snap if he accidentally tripped on that rug and landed on her. She kinda looked like a child, really, with her lovely soft blonde hair falling like baby’s breath over her shoulders and the wide-eyed enthusiasm of youth, but she’d clearly reached puberty early in her human years because, despite me being older and pregnant, she had bigger boobs and better curves—the appeal of a woman. And I could see now why David hadn’t been at all concerned with how young she was when he was sleeping with her—every night. Probably every morning too, in that way couples without the world on their shoulders do.

  Her name was promptly added to my growing list of girls I didn’t like. Girls that’d been with David.

  Funny enough, though, Em wasn’t on that list. Yet.

  David’s ex, with her arms folded and her attention belonging wholly to Mike’s gorgeous smile, watched him with such fascination, nodding and smiling as he waved his hands around, presenting random spots in the roof of the manor.

  His eyes warmed more then as he looked up and saw me heading toward him, and he gently placed his hand to the girl’s back, stopping her. “Ara?”

  “Hey, guys.” I drew my hands from my jeans pockets in the hope of appearing older and more confident, secretly taking the stopping distance to scrutinise the girl: her eyes of pale green sparkled too much for a vampire, in my opinion, and I didn’t really find her thin pink lips as kissable as I pictured David’s ‘type’ having. I mean, yeah, she was like me in a lot of ways, with her small frame, bright disposition and the instant trust she had for those she met—trust that shone out clearly in her anticipating smile. Like me, yeah, but also mixed with a bit of Emily. And my eyes slowly went to Mike then, noting the way he stood beside her: just a little closer than polite. Great.

  I closed a tiny indignant huff into the back of my throat, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. Surely he wasn’t even thinking about falling for David’s leftovers! Sixteen-year-old-child leftovers.

  “Ara,” Mike said softly, with just a hint of confusion underneath—enough to wake me into realising I was staring open-mouthed and squinty-eyed at the newcomer. “This is Pepper.”

  “Pepper?” the girl squeaked.

  “Sorry.” Mike winced. “Sara.”

  “Sara?” I frowned, doing a double take.

  Pepper laughed, sweeping her light-blue baseball cap off her head and offering her hand. “I don’t know why they keep calling me Pepper.” We shook hands. “I must look like a spice.”

  I laughed awkwardly, making suppositions about her based on the handshake: tiny. Sweet. Friendly. And quite possibly not as demonic as I needed her to be. “So, what brings you to Loslilian, Sara?”

  “I was at school, and…” She looked up shyly at Mike. “Next thing I know I wake up here and they tell me I’m a vampire.”

  “Oh.” I looked at Mike while I asked her my next question. “So you’re new?”

  They both nodded—Mike’s bearing a little more weight, though.

  “And … how are you liking it so far?” I asked.

  In the way young people often do, not realising just how rude it actually is, Pepper shrugged, popping the baseball cap on again. It didn’t match her light denim jeans and feminine, almost transparent pink top at all, either. And she wasn’t even wearing a bra. Were it not for the fact that vampires didn’t get cold, I would have been able to see the shape of her nipples. Not just the colour.

  “Well, you’ll need to learn how to dress then, sweetie,” I said politely, well, kind of politely. You might say sweetly condescending. “Rule number one about being vampire is that you have to blend in. It’s autumn—” I presented the grey day. “No one wears invisible tops when it’s cold.”

  “We were just headed into town,” Mike said, kindly enough that only I’d hear the defensive undertone. “We’re gonna take Emily with us—go get some clothes.”

  “Okay.” I nodded, half scowling up at Mike. “Is the king okay with that?”

  He patted my upper arm. “All approved. He’s asked us to take Jason, too.”

  I wanted to laugh. But I held it in. “You’re taking Jason and your ex-fiancée shopping with a “new” vampire?”

  “Yeah.” Mike wiped a hand across his mouth. “It’ll be an interesting day, that’s for sure.”

  “Well—” I walked past them. “Have fun.”

  “We will.”

  Of course they would. They were going shopping. To be normal for a day.

  Sometimes it really sucked being queen. And it sucked that Pepper’s treatment had worked so well I now had to live under the same roof as her. I mean, I wanted to help her. But I at least thought she’d spend a few months in therapy down at the Institute for the Damned. Now was not a good time to have another one of David’s exes shoved in my face. Especially pretty and sweet exes.

  My self-absorbedness stopped short of my next whinge as the air at the end of the corridor chilled substantially then.

  I looked up to see Morgaine leaning on the wall by the entrance to the Great Hall.

 

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