His Fresh Start Cowboy, page 25
He woke on July 3 with a weird pit in his stomach that a breakfast of microwaved oatmeal and coffee didn’t fix. Today was a busy day for the family as they prepared for tomorrow’s July Fourth celebration in town. Besides the town-wide barbecue, there’d be a local country band playing, plus folks setting up tables to sell locally made goods and food. Booths from local businesses, churches, and other organizations handing out free swag like paper fans on Popsicle sticks and pens. As a kid, Hugo used to love walking those tables and collecting as much stuff as he could, just so he could admire it all later when he got home.
Just like at the fair back in May, Woods Ranch would have a booth to hand out literature on their beef, and Wayne was going to barbecue up all cuts of meat for folks to sample. Plus, he’d donated a bunch of ribs to the Baptist church organizing the main portion of the barbecue. Hugo wasn’t part of any of that, though, so he stuck to his regular duties, annoyed and unsettled at not seeing Brand almost all day.
Not until about three in the afternoon. Hugo had finished mucking the last horse stall, and he caught a glimpse of Brand walking past the barn’s main entrance. He leaned his shovel against the nearest stall door and bolted. Brand was reaching for the door handle of his pickup when Hugo overtook him. “Dude, are you okay?” Hugo asked.
Brand looked at him with a spooked expression that made Hugo’s insides sour. “Been busy. Lotta work to do before tomorrow.”
“I’m sure you do, but...did I do something yesterday to piss you off? I feel like you’re avoiding me.”
“You didn’t do anything. I did.”
“What did you do?”
“I got involved with an employee, and it’s hugely inappropriate. I am your boss and supervisor, and I never should have put you in that position.”
Hugo stared at Brand, uncertain whom he was actually looking at. Brand was nothing like the confident man who’d left his bed twenty-four hours ago. Instead, he was pale and pinched, and Hugo didn’t buy this whole “inappropriate” act for a second. “I put myself in that position, willingly and plenty of times. You didn’t take advantage of me, Brand, not once. And I know you’re not the type of guy to fire me if I broke things off. Not that I want to, because I really, really like what we have.”
I’m falling in love with you, you jackass, so what is this?
Hugo couldn’t bring himself to voice those thoughts, though.
“He knows, Hugo,” Brand said in a soft, hesitant tone he’d never heard before.
“Who knows what?”
“Dad. He saw us in bed together. More than once.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, and when he met Hugo’s eyes again, Brand’s were too shiny. “He confronted me yesterday afternoon. I couldn’t lie to his face, so I came out as bi. Dad hasn’t said a word to me since.”
The bottom seemed to drop out from beneath Hugo’s feet, even while he silently cheered for Brand finally coming out to his dad. For owning up to that truth, instead of explaining away seeing Hugo and Brand in bed together. No wonder Brand and Wayne had both been scarce these last twenty-four-odd hours. The elder Woods had to come to terms with a huge revelation, while the younger had to—he hoped—embrace who he was, fully and finally.
“So it’s out there,” Hugo said. “We don’t have to hide.”
Brand squinted. “Did you hear me? My dad won’t talk to me. He won’t even look at me.”
“He came around with Colt being gay. He’ll come around with this. You just gotta have faith in that, Brand.”
“It was different with Colt.”
“How? Your dad couldn’t accept Colt was gay and he drove Colt away for years. Your dad regretted it, and he was thrilled when Colt came back into your lives. You really think he’s gonna drive you off because you’re bi and with a guy? That he’ll risk losing another of his sons for God knows how long?”
“I don’t know.” Brand slammed his open palm against the side of his truck. “I just don’t know. He’s never acted like this with me before, and it terrifies me, okay? I just...need some space. Please.”
“Space from me?” When Brand nodded, Hugo’s heart shriveled a little bit. “So what I think and feel doesn’t matter? Doesn’t matter that I’m falling in love with you?” Brand flinched, and that made Hugo take a step backward, putting suffocating space between them. “You know, when I was accused of stealing from Elmer and you stood by me, I thought it meant you always would. Now I see I was wrong.”
“Hugo, I’m sorry.”
“Fuck that.” He allowed his anger and hurt to wash over him and power his words. “I get this is complicated for you, but it’s fucking complicated for me, too. I came back to Texas for two main reasons. One was to reconcile with my mother, maybe have a relationship again, but that didn’t happen. She made her choice. The other was you. To stop hiding my feelings and take a chance. Well, we took that chance and I guess it costs too much for you.”
“I just need time.”
“Time for what? We’ve been circling each other since February and fucking for weeks. We’ve talked about this more than once. What do you still need time for? Huh? To decide the kid of a failed rancher isn’t worth it in the long run? That you’d rather go back to your fuck buddies than take a harder road loving me? What do you need time for, Brand?”
“I’m sorry this is harder for me than for you,” Brand snapped, his dark eyes blazing. “I blew up my life yesterday, and I need time to work through that. My family is all I’ve got.”
Hugo did not let himself flinch or otherwise react to the hurtful statement. “Right. Then from now on you stay away from the bunkhouse and out of my bed. Boss.” He put every ounce of fury he had into that final, single word. With nothing left to say, Hugo turned neatly on his heel and stalked back to his place. But once he passed the threshold to the bunkhouse and locked the door shut, grief swamped him like a heavy, wet blanket he couldn’t untangle himself from. He slid to his butt, back against the door, and shook for a while. He didn’t cry or scream or do any of the things his body craved to dispel the negative emotions buffeting him.
All he could do was exist in them and wonder if his broken heart would ever beat right again.
* * *
Brand had been on his way to meet Ramie at The Pointe so he could vent about coming out to his dad, when Hugo ambushed him by his truck. He’d hoped to avoid Hugo until he could figure out how he felt about everything, but Hugo’s tenacity had fucked that right up. And Hugo’s challenging words had set Brand’s back up in the worst way. Brand had responded out of self-preservation rather than emotion, and he’d managed to drive Hugo away.
Did we break up? Is that what happened?
He had no idea.
He also had no energy left to meet up with Ramie tonight, so he texted her, calling it off with no explanation. She responded, telling him to call her whenever. Instead, he called for Brutus and they walked. Brand didn’t go in any particular direction, he just walked and absently stroked Brutus’s head once in a while. Brutus loped along with him, happy to be with his human, while Brand’s brain spun out in all kinds of directions without landing on any single thought.
All he knew for sure was that his father was ignoring him, Hugo was angry with him, and Brand didn’t know what to do to make both men happy.
So he walked.
* * *
Hugo slept for shit that night, tossing and turning, alternating between too hot and too cold, and more than once he swore he heard Brand’s gentle snores in his ear. But every time Hugo opened his eyes, he was alone. He was haunted by thoughts of Wayne Woods banging on the bunkhouse door and demanding Hugo pack his bags and leave. Also with thoughts of Brand storming into the room and declaring them done.
Both thoughts left Hugo unsettled and queasy. He gave up on sleep when the sun rose and was to work early. He’d been given half a day today, since their herds were less than half the size they’d previously been, and his initial plans had been to spend his afternoon at the July Fourth celebration in town. Maybe hang with Brand for a while and share some kettle corn with him.
Now he wasn’t so sure.
He worked his half-day, aware of the quiet around the ranch with Wayne, Brand, Rose, and Rem all at the celebration, having fun and pushing their cattle. The isolation fucked with his head a little bit. His only saving grace was Brutus, who hung close to Hugo while he worked in the barn. He adored this dog, who was as loyal as they came. His fur was still a bit uneven in a few places where he’d had stitches all those months ago, but all in all, Brutus was thriving.
If only Hugo could say the same thing about himself. Right now, he was barely treading water. The only thing keeping him sane was that he hadn’t been fired yet. Then again, Wayne could be scared of Hugo retaliating, considering Brand was his immediate supervisor and Hugo could scream coercion. Not that Hugo ever would. He’d walked into this thing with Brand with his eyes wide open. Hell, Hugo had instigated the entire relationship.
Were they waiting for Hugo to resign and run away with his tail between his legs? He’d never do that. Not again. He had run once but he’d come back. No more running. If he left again, it would be because he had no other choice in employment. Right now, he had a job he loved, a place of his own, and choices. Until something dramatic changed, Hugo wasn’t going anywhere.
Except maybe into town.
Hugo drove the scooter to the Roost. The place was pretty empty, probably most folks busy at the festival happening at Westwood Park near the Baptist church. Someone had put up patriotic bunting around the bar, and only a few tables had customers. The Roost served regular food through six o’clock, then switched over to a few simple appetizers, plus bowls of peanuts and pretzels for the drinking crowd.
He sat at the bar, not surprised when Ramie came over with a menu and a curious smile. “Figured you’d be at the festival,” she said. “Getcha a drink? We’ve got a Patriot Beer special.”
“What’s that?”
“Basically a Boilermaker but with a double shot.”
“Sounds good.” He looked at the simple menu of sandwiches, burgers, and apps while she made the drink. Boilermakers weren’t usually his thing, because combining beer and hard liquor was a good way for Hugo to end up with a hangover, but he didn’t care right now. His heart hurt, and he needed something to soothe it. When Ramie came back, he ordered their classic burger with all the fixings, plus extra bacon. If he was going to indulge in alcohol, might as well line his gut with greasy food first.
Since Ramie only had a handful of customers to attend to, she very deliberately began wiping down the clean counter in front of Hugo. “Are you and Brand okay?” she whispered. “We were supposed to get together last night to talk, but he blew me off. And now you’re here alone, looking like someone kicked you in the balls.”
Hugo sipped his drink and nearly gagged at the flavor. There was a reason he didn’t order these things. “I don’t know what we are, but I do know you can keep a secret. Right?”
“Of course. Brand told me about you two and I haven’t told a soul. Swear.”
“His dad found out and Brand came out as bi. But now his dad isn’t talking to him, and Brand isn’t talking to me, and I think we might have broken up last night.” He briefly described their interaction by Brand’s truck as he worked his way through his Patriot whatever drink.
“I’m sure his dad is just surprised,” Ramie said. “I mean, who wouldn’t be? Coming out at thirty-five like that. Give them time.”
“I want to, but I hate that Brand is keeping his distance. I just want him to talk to me, that’s all.”
“So go talk to him.”
“I can’t. Not right now, he’s busy with the family business at the festival, and I don’t wanna make this into a public spectacle. I just...have to wait, I guess. Maybe catch him tonight after the fireworks.”
“And do what all afternoon? Mope here at the bar?”
“Maybe.”
She snickered. “How about a compromise? I get off in a little over an hour. You hang here, and then we can go walk around the festival together.”
“Really?”
“Sure. Just don’t drink too many of those in the meantime, or you’ll be so drunk I’ll be carrying you around.”
Hugo chuckled. “Good advice. Thanks, Ramie, I mean it. I really do care about Brand and I want what’s best for him. And the ranch.”
“Well, it’s not selfish to also want what’s best for yourself. If Brand is who you want, then you gotta fight for him. Fight hard. He’s a great guy, and you seem pretty cool yourself, Hugo.”
“Thank you. You, too. I’m glad you’re his friend.”
“I am a pretty great friend.” With a wink, she went off to fill a drink order from the place’s lone server.
His burger came up a while later, so he took his time eating in between sips of his drink. He did end up ordering a second drink, because the very slight alcohol haze made it not taste quite as awful, and it went down a lot faster with the burger and fries. A decent burger, too, and he couldn’t help wondering where the Roost got their beef.
He paid his tab and left with Ramie when her shift was over. The Roost was within walking distance of the festival, so they left their vehicles in the lot and strolled down a side street toward the sounds of music and laughter and so many voices that Hugo’s skin crawled. He never used to dislike crowds of people, but after his arrest, he wasn’t comfortable being out in public anymore.
Fuck that. Today, he was going to reclaim himself. Even if Brand didn’t want him anymore, Hugo knew who he was, damn it, and that person was going to try and enjoy himself today.
They browsed the freebie tables first. Ramie picked up a paper fan from someone running for Congress in their district, and it was wide enough to give them both a decent bit of air on their faces. Ramie carefully avoided the Woods Ranch table, and Hugo averted his gaze, pretending not to see who was there. They found the food booths and while Hugo was full, he treated Ramie to lemonade and a corn dog. They listened to music for a while, then watched a dance troupe perform.
Ramie found a tent selling ice-cold beer, so they each indulged. The entire afternoon was fun in its own way, and he understood why she was Brand’s best friend. She was funny, supportive, and her dry wit impressed Hugo. They got along great and at suppertime they got in line for the barbecue. Everyone got a Styrofoam container with a roll, bag of chips, dill pickle, and their choice of a half-chicken or ribs. Sauce choices were at the end of the line just past the cash box.
Hugo indulged in the ribs, because they were from his ranch. No sauce; he wanted to taste the meat.
A few picnic tables were scattered around but they settled in a shady patch of grass to eat. The ribs were perfect, and he used the time to people watch the crowd. A few folks waved at Ramie but most ignored Hugo. Whatever, he didn’t care if this town liked him or not.
As the sun got lower and the food cleared from the park, music started up and folks began dancing. Something to pass the time until dusk, when the fireworks would start. Hugo was hot and tired, but he also couldn’t say no when Ramie asked him to dance. She was good, too, practically leading him through some of the faster numbers, and then relaxing for the slow ones.
At one point, the skin on the back of Hugo’s neck prickled, and he looked up. Brand was watching them from the sidelines, arms crossed, face annoyingly blank.
Holy shit, is he jealous?
In that moment, Hugo didn’t care. He pulled Ramie down into a gentle dip, then back up, grateful this was a country song he knew and could dance to without looking like a fool. She laughed and didn’t seem to notice they were being watched. She was living in the moment, uncaring of the world around them, and Hugo wanted so much to be like her. To truly be her friend.
They listened to local bands, as well as a few church choirs, play and sing for a while longer as the sun continued to set. More folks began congregating in the open area of the park. Hugo wasn’t sure exactly where the fireworks were being set off, but everyone seemed to be facing east, toward the darkest part of the sky.
The first to go off was small, a simple burst of red and white. Then larger fireworks turned the sky into a kaleidoscope of colors and bright lights. Sharp booms rent the air. Hugo hadn’t seen fireworks like these in a long time, and the finale was breathtaking. He applauded along with everyone else, and the day’s celebration was over.
Ramie generously offered him a ride home, but Hugo turned her down. The scooter would get him home just fine. His beers were wearing off, and since he had to work early and Ramie didn’t, he headed back to the Roost alone to fetch his vehicle. The walk was quiet, most of the town’s activity still in the park, and he’d just crossed into the Roost’s parking lot when a big shape blocked his way.
Hugo took a step back out of habit, and then his stomach sank when he recognized Buck. A glassy-eyed, listing Buck, who had a beer bottle in one hand, while the other held the remains of a six-pack. Two pickups separated them from the dim light of the Roost’s entrance, leaving them a bit too alone for Hugo’s liking.
“The fuck are you doing out here, Buck?” Hugo asked. “You get caught walking around drunk, your parole officer is gonna shit kittens and send you back to lockup.”
Buck tilted back his bottle and sucked the contents down. “Didn’t know you gave a shit.”
“Honestly? I don’t, but the last thing I want is for you to embarrass my mother again with your fucked-up behavior. Go home and sleep it off.” He tried to walk around Buck in the near-empty parking lot, but Buck got in his way. Instead of getting scared, though, Hugo’s temper rose. “Let me by.”
