Love Me Today: A Single Dad, Small Town Romance, page 19
I went to step out, only a gasp ripped from me when he reached out and grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me back inside.
In a flash, he had me pushed against the wall and he was framing my face in his big hands.
So much for distance.
His breaths filled the air, heavy and harsh, his chest pitching in some kind of demand.
What the hell was he doing?
Better question was, what the hell I thought I was doing?
Because I was frozen where I was pinned beneath him. I couldn’t move. The most problematic was I didn’t want to.
Everything flashed, hesitation and need and every sort of reservation, right before we crashed.
Shockwaves of heat blistered through my body as his mouth descended and devoured, his hands so fierce where they held me by each side of the jaw.
He controlled the demanding kiss.
Mastered it, the man so fucking bossy, and I was the fool who liked it so much.
His tongue slipped into my mouth.
Tangling.
Stroking.
Mating.
My legs went weak, the air too thin to breathe. So I was breathing him instead, inhaling his secrets like I could hold them, my nails digging in like I could find my way inside.
He kissed me and kissed me like it was the first time he’d ever done it, and he never wanted it to end.
Lightheadedness swept me through, and I thought I might pass out from the rushing desire.
He finally pulled away, though he continued to hold me by both sides of the face. He tugged me close, so close I could taste his words as he gritted them at my lips. “Just to be clear, if you touch my cock, Paisley Dae, you’re going to end up on your knees with it in your mouth.”
TWENTY-FIVE
PAISLEY
I tapped at the door before I pushed down on the latch, popping my head into the wisping shadows of my grandfather’s house. “Grandpa, it’s just me.”
“In here,” he hollered back.
Heaviness overwhelmed my heart as I stepped into the house.
Torn.
Called between two different places that felt equally important. Yet, I was making a decision, wasn’t I? Picking one over the other?
I crept forward until I was standing in the archway, emotion cresting as I looked at where my grandfather sat in the same recliner that he’d had for as long as I could remember. So many times, I’d sat at his feet while he told me wild stories, and other times I’d sat perched on the arm, eager for comfort or wisdom.
And there I stood, for the second time in my life, feeling like I might be letting him down.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He pushed forward, closing the leg rest, his white hair wild and sticking up all over the place.
I attempted to swallow around the knot in my throat. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Are you hurt?” Anxiety shot into his voice, and I shook my head, easing forward to sit on the hearth that was near his chair. “No, I’m not hurt.”
“Then what’s put that sad look on your face?” He leaned forward, reaching out and swiping the pad of his thumb over my cheek as he studied me. “Funny, there’s also hope in those eyes at the same time.”
I choked over a soft laugh. “Because I’m feeling both, Grandpa.”
He nodded his head as if he’d already read the convoluted mix of melancholy and the spark of something too bright that was shining out of the middle of it.
Glowing from the center where this new feeling had lit.
“I got offered a job,” I continued.
Belief spread through his expression. “Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Working with horses?”
Hesitation brimmed, and my tongue stroked out over my bottom lip. “Not exactly. The little girl I’ve been training? You know how I spent the last couple days babysitting her?”
“Sure.”
“It was offered to me as a permanent position.”
I left what it really meant hanging in the middle of us. Grandpa pushed right into it.
“And what’s the sad part? You aren’t sure you want to do it? It’s not exactly a full-time training position with horses, but you’d still be out there on that ranch and working with the horses? Am I right about that?”
“Yeah.”
“Then what’s the problem, unless you don’t want to have to spend your time caring for a child?”
My chest expanded. “No, it’s not that. I really…” I hesitated, not sure I wanted to say it aloud. Showing my cards would reveal too much. “I really enjoy spending time with her. And the horses…”
“Then what’s the problem?” With the way he said it, he already knew. He was just pushing me to lay it out.
“I’m not sure I want to leave you.”
Air huffed from his nose, and he took my hand. “I love having you here, Paisley, but me and your grandma didn’t raise you to get stuck under this roof. We raised you to live. To chase after your dreams and everything that burns inside you. To find the things that make you happy. And you’re not gonna find that here with me. You have to go where you’re being called. And if you’re bein’ called out to that ranch, then you follow it. If you’re being called somewhere else, then you go there. And maybe you want to spend some time exploring and figuring out where you really want to go and what you really want to do, and that’s just fine, too. Thing is, you have to step out that door to find it.”
“But what about you being here alone?”
He huffed, a sly grin cracking in the wrinkles around his mouth. “What, you think this old man is too old to take care of himself?”
“Of course not, Grandpa, but you’re no spring chicken anymore, either.” I forced some lightness into my voice, praying it didn’t twist on the truth that I worried about him.
Hated for him to be alone.
He breathed out a slow sigh, and he enfolded both his hands around mine. “I never imagined I would get to spend the years I did with you, Paisley, and I might not have ever approved of what your mama did, but I will tell you your grandmother and I took it as a blessing. Getting you was like getting a bonus on life, and I promise the only thing we ever wanted was to see your joy.”
“I just hate the idea of you being here by yourself, Grandpa. When I went to Arizona…”
The words were too bitter to speak.
His hands squeezed tighter. “You went there for someone else, Paisley. And you did it out of love, but when the kind of love you’re offering isn’t returned, it becomes sour. A distorted memory that makes it impossible to see your original purpose. Don’t you ever feel bad that you left in search of happiness. I’m just sorry you didn’t find it there, but you can’t let that keep you from still searching.”
“Grandpa,” I whispered. A tear slid down my cheek.
He wiped it away. “Besides, you’re gonna be right here in town. It’s not like we’re not gonna see each other. That is unless that suit tries to keep you locked away in his tower.”
Rough laughter ripped out. “You met Caleb.”
“I did.” There was something in his features then, something he wanted to say but held back. Instead, he asked, “That is his little girl you’ve been watching?”
I nodded. I didn’t feel right confessing the intricacies. Not when I didn’t understand why Caleb had seemed to keep it secret.
“What’s she like?”
“Amazing.” Awe infiltrated my voice.
Understanding wobbled through his nod. “I think your heart already knows where it wants to go. And I’ll be just fine here. I’ve got my friends, and I reckon I can call Dakota if I start to starve.”
He quirked a grin.
A soggy giggle got free. “You know I’d never let you starve.”
He sobered. “I know that, sweetheart. You’ve always been good to us. More than good.”
Pushing to standing, I wrapped my arms around him. “I love you so much.”
He patted my back. “I love you more than you’ll ever know. Now get out of here before I pack your bags for you.”
I swiped at my tears, smiling too wide. “Oh, I see how it is. I really was just a burden, and you’re ready to kick my butt out of here.”
“That’s right. Last couple days were the best of my life. Quiet as could be.” He winked.
“Except for that television. You have to have it set to at least forty.”
He settled back in his chair, grumbling, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can barely hear it.”
Grabbing a throw blanket, I spread it over him then kissed his temple, whispering at the spot. “Thank you, Grandpa.”
“Excuse me?”
I was blazing down the two-lane road in the direction of Hutchins Ranch, talking to Dakota through the speaker on my phone. It had been close to ten by the time I finally got my things packed and got on my way.
“I said, I’m going to be nannying for Evelyn. You know, on a full-time basis.” I shouted it over Maybe’s grumbling engine.
“I heard you just fine. And it seems like what I’m hearing is my bestie has lost her mind and is making bad choices. I thought we hated him?”
I hemmed and hawed, rolling my lips to keep back the dirty secrets I was keeping from her.
“Don’t we?” she pressed.
“I only kinda hate him.” Damn, that was painful to admit out loud.
“Kinda?”
“Well…” I drew out over the thunder of the engine.
“Uh-oh, I distinctly recall you saying you would definitely not be crushing on him, but I am pretty sure I detect some crushing.”
“Um, crushing? Heck, no. No way. Who me?” It rambled out way too fast. “It’s just about the money. Okay fine, it’s about the little girl. And don’t forget the horses.”
At least the last part was true because this whole thing had long since ceased to be about the money. Not that I didn’t enjoy earning. But it became something else entirely when you’d do it for free.
“And it has nothing to do with a hot as sin single dad who’s a total asshole and owns the most gorgeous ranch in the county?”
My spirit pinched, and I found myself whispering over the drone, “You can’t tell anyone this, Dakota, but he’s her uncle. He took her in after her mother died.”
Silence curled through the line before she said on a hush, “Oh my God. That is so sad. That poor little girl.”
Evelyn’s confession from last night rolled through me. Tugged at my heart and wound in my spirit. Her sadness that I’d wanted to hold. To wipe away. Erase.
“It’s really awful. So, like I don’t think he’s a terrible person. A jerk and kind of intimidating and scary, but not terrible. And he’s a really good kisser.”
That got out before I could stop it.
“What?” she screeched.
I rubbed at my forehead as I watched out at the deserted road in front of me, darkness all around and the center line winking by in a blur.
“He kissed me tonight before I went to tell my grandpa my plans…after we maybe might have had video sex last night,” I rushed.
If I was confessing things, I might as well confess it all.
That time she cracked up.
Cracked up so hard her laughter shook the cab of my rattling truck. “You didn’t?”
“Oh, but I did.” I blew out a heavy sigh. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I? Tell me I’m an idiot. And on top of it, I’m getting way too attached. Evelyn fell today and sprained her wrist, and it was about the scariest thing that ever happened to me. You don’t even know how freaked out I was.”
Soft air puffed from her nose. “Believe me, I know. Every time Kayden falls, I have a mini-heart attack. I don’t know how I’m still standing. Being a mother is both the best thing you’ll ever experience and the most painful. The worry is constant.”
“Well thank God I’m not a mother because I couldn’t imagine going through that kind of torment every day. Y’all are masochists.” I forced the teasing around the clot constricting my airways, this brand-new feeling I didn’t quite understand.
“Just wait. You’ll know one day.”
“You know that’s not in the cards for me.” Too much sadness got wrapped around that.
Dakota caught it. Sympathy filled her sigh. “You’ve always said you didn’t want to be a mother, which is just fine if it’s because you really don’t want to be. But every comment you’ve ever made makes me believe you’re terrified of repeating the same mistakes your mother did. You’re worried you’ve got that selfishness running through your veins. But you aren’t her, Paisley. Not even close.”
My spirit clutched. “Well, it doesn’t much matter, does it?”
“Doesn’t it?” she pressed. “You think I can’t hear what’s in your voice?”
Panic blustered in my senses. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
And she was getting way, way ahead of herself.
“You do, and I know you well, Paisley, and I know you’re scared right now, and the only time you get scared is when something really means something to you.”
Awareness throbbed. Throbbed in that place that knew I’d fallen for a little girl over the last two days. In that place I knew that my heart was hers.
My heart that had already been battered.
Dreams crushed.
And with Evelyn, those dreams had been breathed back to life.
Bigger than they’d been before.
And maybe the scariest part was I thought there was a chance Caleb might steal a part of that fractured heart, too.
“I don’t want to get hurt again, Dakota. It seems like every time I turn around, I leave myself in a position to get myself shattered.” I let the fullness of it come out.
The memory of Caleb saying the only person he’d ever allowed himself to love was his sister beat through my brain.
I was setting myself up for destruction.
Getting involved with a man who wouldn’t keep me.
One who would hold the power to rip away everything I’d come to love.
Now that was the scariest part.
“Anytime we love, we leave ourselves in a position to be shattered, Paisley. Every time. You have to decide if taking that chance is worth it or not. So, let’s weigh this—just how good was that phone sex?” Her words shifted into razzing.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“Um, yes, I would very much like to know. I’m forever living vicariously through you.”
I groaned. “I’m basically ruined for life.”
“It couldn’t have been that good.”
“Oh, but it was.”
I would never get the sight of him out of my mind.
My heart thrummed, nerves scattering at the thought of moving in under his roof. Having no clue what he really wanted. What his intentions were.
I just had to hold onto mine.
The bottom line.
Evelyn.
I needed not to lose sight of that.
“Sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into trouble.”
“Don’t I know it.”
I felt it in the shift of the earth when the turnoff to Hutchins Ranch came up quick.
I heard a clattering on her end of the line. “I have to go, Ryder is here to fix a leak under the kitchen sink.”
“At ten-thirty at night?”
“He just finished up at the shop, and it was the first chance he had to come over.”
I laughed a low sound. I doubted much that I was the only one who was in trouble.
“But you call me tomorrow. I want details about what’s going on with that bad boy. And I need to make sure he doesn’t have you buried on that ranch somewhere.”
I giggled. “You have got to stop watching true crime. That paranoia is getting the best of you.”
“It seems to me he has secrets.”
Unease rattled me to the core.
He did.
I knew he did.
“Just be careful, okay? And go after what makes you happy. It’s time, and you deserve it.”
“Thank you, Doodle-Boo. I’ll try. How about you do the same?”
She sighed. “Someday, Paisley. Someday.”
She ended the call, and I made the turn onto the long dirt drive.
Somehow knowing my life was about to change forever.
TWENTY-SIX
CALEB
Hitting the first-floor landing, I started to pace down the hall toward the kitchen, needing to do something with the nerves ticking my muscles into agitation.
Rattled.
Shaken.
This chaos I’d been asking for. Invited into my life because I couldn’t seem to stop myself from going after what I couldn’t have.
First convincing her to stay here, then going so far as to kiss her like a lovesick teenager who had his first goddamn crush.
But the truth was, it was the first time someone had made me feel that way. Like I wanted to sink my fingers into her.
Hooks and snares.
Keep her for my own.
Fucking reckless.
She hadn’t returned for more than five hours, and my guts were tangled with the dread that she might have changed her mind. I should be relieved. Thank every star in the sky that she’d come to her senses since I didn’t seem to possess any when it came to her.
But no, I paused to peer out the blackened glass at the stillness of the ranch, itching like a beast. Wanting to dig out my phone, call her, and demand to know where she was.
Find out if she was safe.
If she was okay.
A flicker of something caught my attention in my periphery.
My eyes narrowed as I more perceived the movement than saw it.
I stepped closer to the glass, peering out into the nothingness that echoed back.
But still, it felt like something.
Intuition kicking.
Unease wrapped me in a bow of adrenaline. I moved back for the door and slipped out onto the front porch.
My eyes darted through the wisping shadows that breezed through the night.
Trees whooshed with the summer storm that threatened at the far end of the horizon, and blankets of lightning struck against the sky above.
