When the laughter finally died out. I was lying on my back, with my head resting on Deegans thighs. He was just watching me with a smile on his face. Like he was enjoying watching me in my weirdest moments.

  “You're going to make me try again aren't you?”

  “Yes... It's time to try again... Let's try something different though okay?”

  “Yeah...” My heart was beginning to thunder again as I got lost into his liquid red eyes... he was staring at me so intently I was sure I would finally get that first kiss. From someone I was beginning to think that I could not live without... even if he could turn into an ass sometimes.

  “Close your eyes,” he whispered softly.

  I was reluctant to lose sight of him. The moment I did I usually woke up, and I didn't want this moment to end... not yet. But I did as he asked and slowly closed my eyes to view of him, I just continued to imagine his strong jaw and perfect lips hovering over me.

  “Think about what you want Mercy. Imagine it. Imagine you and me anywhere... doing anything... picture it Mercy.”

  With his sultry burr, and gravelly soft whisper, it wasn't hard. Hormonal teenager that I am, it was so easy to imagine. Us lying in my bed just like this... him leaning over and proclaiming his undying devotion. His breath warm against my lips as he comes closer. He braces himself above me, his elbows pushing into the softness of my bed.

  When our lips finally touch it is a soft tender caress, his velvet soft lips gently moving to cover my own. His strong muscles hold me so tenderly I know that no danger can reach me here. His hand cups my cheek as his lips lavish my jaw and neck with the gentlest of kisses. His other hand tugs lightly at the hem of my shirt-

  “You did it!” His loud laugh snaps me out of the illusion, and when I open my eyes we are lying in my bed my head still in his lap as he gazes down at me excitedly.

  “You got us out of the forest Mercy... You changed the dream... I thought for sure you would think of throwing me off a cliff or something for being such an ass.”

  He was up in a flash before I even had time to contemplate what was going on. He was running his hands over everything. Picking things up inspecting them and putting them back down. And when he got over to my wall of photos he seemed to be mesmerized by every single one. He ran his hands over them, chuckling to himself at some of the pictures. Eventually his gazed stopped, and he frowned curiously.

  “Who is that in this one?” he pointed at a picture and I walked over to see which it was. “Those are obviously your parents but who is the blonde chick? She is in almost all of these. An adopted sister or something?”

  I walked up to the picture in question but I had no doubt who he was looking at. Damn Olivia for her tall thin frame, and silvery blonde hair, and her beautiful storm gray eyes. Of course he would stop and wonder about her.

  “You could say that she's an adopted sister... She is my best friend. I don't think we have been separated since she moved to town in first grade. She lives with her Aunt down the road. She's also the one that gave me the necklace which makes you show up in my dreams.”

  “A necklace? Ah... The blue one... Danburite, smart choice.”

  Of course it was a smart choice. And of course he commented on it. Olivia was always smart. I always ended up with the scraped knees, and bruises, and she was always there to say 'I told you so' and patch me back up.

  His gaze finally shifted down to the rest of the pictures. He trailed his fingers across them until he came to one of my least favorites, one Olivia had demanded I keep on the wall. It was a picture of me the day of my fourteenth birthday. Hours before the dying would start. It wasn't a memorable moment... Just a picture taken at the right angle that even I could tell was showing off my features, my smile especially looked warm, happy. But I hated that picture it only served to remind me of everything I had lost.

  Slowly he looked back up at me, and then down at the picture again. He gingerly took it off the wall making sure not to tear it. He slid the photo into his pocket without ever taking his eyes off me. He was wearing a forlorn smile, like he hated the picture as much as I did.

  “This one is mine,” he murmured softly as he walked past me. “Lets see what else we can find shall we?”

  I followed him out into the hall where he opened every door and inspected every family picture he could find, before finally heading downstairs. He slowly wandered through the living room stopping at one thing or another. He admired the fireplace, or the pictures on it I don't know which. I was still rethinking the moment he had taken the picture. What the hell had he meant? It was 'his'. Well it was now cause I wasn't going to take it back. I hated it enough as it is. It is bad enough that when I wake up it will still be there.

  Eventually we wandered into the kitchen. My parents were sitting at the table enjoying their morning coffee in companionable silence. I wanted that. I wanted to live long enough to have that. A bond that strong with someone that you truly love... even now after they had been married for over twenty years you could tell just by looking at them that they were still in love.

  Deegan leaned against the far counter, well out of the way of my parents. He observed them for a while, as they refilled their cups, chatted about meaningless things, and read the morning newspaper. He looked just as thoughtful as I was and I wondered if we were thinking and wishing for the same thing.

  “Well what now?” I asked breaking the silence. Neither of my parents made any movement like they heard me or knew I was in the kitchen with them... just like it had been with Deegan at the cabin in the woods.

  “You knew they wouldn't see you or hear you?”

  “You didn't did you?”

  “No...” he replied softly. “When you changed the dream earlier... did you feel anything different? Was there anything you can associate with having changed the dream?”

  Dream or not. There was no way I was going to tell him the only thing I had been thinking about or noticing was getting him in my bed making out with me, and the only thing I was feeling was my hormones revving while his lips were all over me. Hoping that it wouldn't end.

  “Nope... didn't notice anything,” I replied blushing.

  He let out a long sigh but stayed silent... thoughtful. The silence between us was deafening. Painful. Where we had been comfortable earlier, where he had been at ease. He was getting anxious again, and according to him that's when asshole mode showed up... I hoped and prayed that today wouldn't be a two steps forward four steps back sort of progress between us.

  “Sweetheart?” My moms gentle voice interrupted the silence and both Deegan and I turned to watch my parents.

  “Yes?” My dad offered, gazing over the rim of the paper at my mother.

  “Do you think... do you think she's doing better?” I didn't need to guess to know they were talking about me now. “I mean she has been sleeping through the night... and the vomiting has stopped when she wakes up?”

  Great this was all I needed for my mom to talk about me vomiting my guts out in front of a guy that I really liked. Talk about awkward.

  “She even walked home with that super cute boy... I wonder if they are dating... should I have the talk with her. I never bothered her about it before but-”

  “Honey, Mercy is a smart girl I'm sure there is no need.”

  Horrified I did my best to tune them out. They were talking about giving me the 'sex' talk in front of Deegan... I had never felt so humiliated in my life. Quickly I turned to Deegan to try and diffuse this humiliation before it got out of hand. But when I saw the look on his face I took a step back. It was pure anger and aggression.

  “What the hell Mercy!” He snarled taking a few steps toward me. In a panic I began backing away from him. “You went walking around with some fucking guy you don't know?!”

  “It's not like that Deegan... He is just a friend from school, we were working on a project.” I replied, gesturing with my hands in an attempt to placate his sudden anger. It didn't work.

  “There are people trying to kill you! Monsters trying to kill you. And your just meeting up with people you don't fucking know and walking around with them?!”

  Whether I cared for Deegan or not. I wasn't about to let him push me around and scare me with his yelling and posturing. I wasn't about to let him scare me out of my own dreams.

  “What the hell do you know?!” I shouted back shoving him away from me as hard as I could. He didn't even budge. “I have a life outside of these stupid dreams! I have to go to school, I have to do my schoolwork, so what?! My life can't just stop because you think it needs to! You're not even real!”

  He staggered back like I had struck him, his breath coming in short stuttered gasps. He kept stepping back until he backed himself against the kitchen cabinets. I could see it in him then. The Deegan that was scared and alone after losing his parents. The Deegan that had lost everything... and this time It wasn't the Lord Alpha that had hurt him. It was me. I could see the betrayal reflecting in his eyes. The hurt that coated his eyes until he looked like he might cry.

  “Deegan-”

  He let out a shouting roar, as his muscles bulged. I could hear his bones snapping under all the pressure as his body reorganized itself into the body of a very large hellhound. He gave me one last look of forlorn longing, before he turned and darted out of the kitchen.

  I jumped after him as fast as I could. My legs slammed into one of the kitchen chairs. The kitchen chair knocked by my momentum smashed into the table knocking down my mom's cup of coffee. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the cup shatter as it hit the floor, and I could hear my mom screaming.

  Chapter 15

  Before the black had even begun to fade out of the edges of my sight, I was throwing myself at the door. My socked feet struggled for purchase on the hardwood floors, but I managed to make it down the stairs in one piece.

  It felt like it took forever for me to make it down to the kitchen, long enough for Deegan to be gone, even though he would never be on this side of reality. But I hoped and I prayed anyways.

  When I rounded the corner the only thing that was waiting for me in the kitchen, was my parents. My mom was sitting at the table shaking, like she had seen a ghost. And my father picking up the glass that I had accidentally knocked over in my dream state... It was too much of a coincidence... Had I altered the real world by something that had happened in a dream? It seemed impossible, but with what I've been seeing for years I didn't believe in coincidences...

  “Good morning sweetheart,” my mom offered, with a smile that was shaky at best.

  “Hey,” I glanced around the room looking for any sign that Deegan might be there. After what I had said to him, after how I had hurt him it would be a miracle if his essence was still present. “Something happen?” I offered gesturing at the cup.

  “Oh, silly me my hand slipped and I knocked it off the table.” By the glance that my father gave her, and the glance she gave back I knew it was a lie.

  Giving a curt nod in response, I began fiddling with the door frame, picking at the slightly peeling paint. “Well... I'm not feeling so good today. Do you mind if I stay home?”

  My father narrowed his gaze on me as he tossed the broken cup in the trash. Walking over he placed the back of his hand against my cheek, before pulling on my eyelids so he could get a closer look. “You don't have a fever, and there isn't any mucous discharge... What hurts?”

  Figures... Couldn't get anything past a doctor, especially one that was also a dad... a dad that had seen it all. But I had to stay home... I had to go back to sleep. I had to see Deegan. Apologize. I had hurt him and I had to repair it before I lost the chance.

  “Um... My head?” I offered with a forced smile.

  He just smiled back giving me a conspiratorial wink, letting me know he knew that I was lying... and that I was bad at it. “Sure thing sweety, I'll even bring home chinese for dinner. Little sick girls favorite.”

  “Cool, I mean that's awesome. Have a great day at work... I'll see you... when you get home.”

  I bolted upstairs before they had a chance to change their minds. Softly and silently I closed my bedroom door and stayed leaning against it. Waiting. When I heard the door close and the car engine rev and pull out of the driveway I finally let the tears I had been holding out.

  My heart ached. If I could find him again he probably wouldn't listen to a single thing I had to say. He had every right to do so. He had been worried about me and I flung it back in his face. I probably wouldn't even be able to find him. I was sure that this was the new beginning of the dying.

  I shoved myself up off the floor and managed to wobble my way over to my wall of pictures. Olivia be damned, I hated that picture even more now. And there was no way in hell I was going to leave it up on the wall to remind me of a night that had been the best and worst in my sad miserable little life.

  When I went to snatch it off the wall my hand paused at the blank space where the picture used to be. I ran my hands over the now empty square on my wall. Deegan had taken it... but how? Did that mean that that picture existed in my mind? There was a little square of paper up there? When I had come back from the dream wearing Deegans shirt it had been the same... the cup being broken... and now this... what the hell was wrong with me?

  I had to see Deegan. I had to know. If there were any answers he would be the one who had them.

  Chapter 16

  The black hadn't even faded, and I knew I had made it. The rough woolen blankets and thick furs rubbing against my skin. I had made it back to the cabin in the woods. Back to Deegan's room, and I was sure it was Deegan's room. The simplicity of it spoke of his being a Hati born hellhound. That photo... it must have been his family. His father, mother, that asshole Seig the Lord Alpha whatever that was, and Deegan small and full of joy. Happy before it had all been taken away.

  When the darkness finally receded and I could see the room around me I shrank back into the corner of the bed horrified. Or maybe a more accurate statement would be I shrank back into the corner of the room on the scattered blankets. 'The bed' was smashed into piece and strewn across the room. The gouges as I had thought of them on the walls, looked like paltry scratches to the deep lacerations that were now covering the wooden walls.

  There were blood smears covering the floor and some of the splinters, like whatever had done this had injured itself in the process. If this was Deegan's room like I suspected, then that something that had injured itself would be Deegan.

  I scrambled for the door. I had to stop him before he hurt himself. I had to fix this mess I made. But before I reached the door my eye caught on something in the corner of the room.

  Slowly I walked over the to framed picture of Deegan and his family. Tucked carefully in the corner of the frame was the photo of me. My upturned smiling face, the sun glinting off my hair. It was the same photo. Deegan had tucked it so carefully with the photo that actually meant something. I couldn't help but hope that my photo... that I meant something too.

  My legs bolted for the door, before my mind even had to tell them too. I had to save him... even if he wasn't real I had to save us. Because my feelings, his kindness, that was real.

  The house was once again silent and empty as I bolted my way through it. Its natural wood tones were blurring together as the tears streaked down my face. I could not lose him... not him. Ever. I threw the door open and scrambled out into the cold fall air.

  A loud snarling roar cut through the silence of the surrounding forest, and I knew that it was Deegan. He was hurting. So I ran with everything I had toward the pained sounds of him shouting.

  “Dammit Eira! You wouldn't understand!”

  When I finally burst into the clearing, Deegan and the small deer carrying woman, Eira he had called her were circling each other slowly. His massive black form made her human one look terribly small and overwhelmed facing off against him.

  “I know Dee... I'm a Skoll after all. Trust me I know my human shortcomings, but you need to relax-”

  “Don't tell me to RELAX!” his movement was so fast my eyes could barely track him as he lunged forward and plowed into the woman's small frame. Before her body hit the ground, her bones began popping and contorting, as she twisted and landed on four paws. Her hound form although smaller than Deegan's massive size, I was sure, was just as deadly. They bared their fangs at each other as the slow circle they were walking got tighter.

  I could see his muscles bunching slowly as he prepared to make another lunge, and I knew I had to stop him. This woman although she set my jealousy off, was his friend. The way he had chatted casually, the way she called him Dee... I knew that he didn't want to hurt her. And I knew in this rage he would kill her. This anger was all my fault... so it was my responsibility to calm it.

  Before I could have any second thoughts I ran out into the clearing. He'd never see me so I would have to show him I was here. I clutched his fur as tight as I could and pressed my tear streaked face against him. He body only paused for a moment, before he started roaring violently and trying to pull away. He snarled and snapped but he never lashed out at me. I knew he would try to get out of my grip if he could, so I held on for everything I was worth. If he wanted to get rid of me he would have to throw me off, which he would never do. Throwing me off might hurt me, and Deegan was all about protecting me.

  I could see Eira out of the corner of my eye watching in confusion. Honestly it must look like he had gone crazy.

  “Deegan STOP!” I shouted to no effect. Crap... he can't hear me. If I let go to draw on the ground it'll be to late and I'll already have lost him. So I did the only thing I could think of doing.

  I pulled his face up next to mine, and right on his slobbery snarling dog face, I planted a kiss... my first kiss to be precise. And probably the only one I'd get with him after the mess I had made of things.

  The snarling stopped and his whole body became rigid. This close to his face I could see his deep red eyes shifting back and forth as he took in the light contact. With a sigh I pulled away and we stared intently at each other. Almost like he could see me. I moved my hands from the fur at his jowls, and began softly running my fingers through the fur at the base of his large ears.

 

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