Pen Pals: A Sweet YA Romance, page 9
"Sam, that's enough- Take Max outside." My mom used the mom's voice on her, which halted her dancing for a second.
"Max?" At Drew's question, time seemed to stand still as I turned back towards her, my mouth slightly opened. I watched as her smile seemed to waver, and she looked at the dog and back to me. A sort of knowledge flashed in her expressive eyes. "Your dog's name is Max?" She tilted her head to the side, waiting for an answer.
"Yeah, funny story-"
"Maxine," Sam stressed from the doorway, "she's a girl." She added with a roll of her eyes. And for once, I wanted to hug her. I looked back at Drew, and she had relaxed back into her chair. A slight smile lingered on her lips as she took a bite of her fruit salad with a thoughtful look on her face.
Bullet dodged for the moment but telling her was becoming very, very real. And I would tell her. Just not in front of my mom and my annoying sister.
Later that evening, after a surprisingly fun dinner followed by a game of apples to apples. I hadn't played that since I was like 12. After Drew went home, I tried to make it upstairs without having the silently threatened talk with my mom.
I made it all of two steps before my mom appeared in the hallways and pointed back into the kitchen. "Not so fast, Adrian."
"I know, mom," I admitted stepping back down the steps slowly. She sighed at my words, which made me feel worse than if she had yelled. "Just yell at me, get it over with."
"I'm not going to yell." She sighed again, running the washcloth over the counter. "What good would that do? I can tell by how you are acting that you are hiding your real name from her for whatever reason."
My head bowed down as I thought of all the times I could have told her. I wouldn't say I liked feeling guilty. "You don't understand."
Her eyebrows shot up, "Don't I? Honey, I write for a living, make up crazy plots daily. I understand more than you think. You obviously like this girl, and she seems to like you."
"She does?" Hope bloomed, and I looked up at my mom again. She would know, wouldn't she?
"Don't change the subject. What's the point of lying to her?"
"It didn't start like that. You know how we have the rivalry with that school? And we got assigned, pen pals?"
"Yes, and I recall you weren't too happy about it. What does this have to do with Drew?"
I sighed, looked back down, and mumbled, "she's my pen pal, but she doesn't know it."
At my mom's sharp air intake, I knew she was shocked. "How exactly did you start talking to her if she doesn't know that you are her pen pal?"
"Just like she said. After the pen pals were assigned, the guys and I went to the restaurant she works in because they wanted to get under her skin. After all, she was part of the last prank against our school. It was all good fun. You know how the guys are. And I flirted with her. I didn't know that she was my pen pal then. If I did-" I trailed off. If I knew then what I know now, then what? Would it have changed anything? I probably would have cared a lot more in that first letter, that is for sure.
"If you did?" She prompted patiently after I was silent for a few minutes.
"I don't know." I groaned. I didn't want to admit that it probably wouldn't have changed anything.
"I'm sure you do know. But it doesn't matter now, does it? How will you fix this situation you have gotten yourself into?"
"I am going to tell her. I just don't know how." I paced in front of the island, my hand absently pulling at my ear. "What if I tell her and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore? What if I tell her and she absolutely hates me? What if I tell her and she liked Adrian better than me, and she is disappointed?"
My mom nods her head in agreement before saying, "What if she is happy you are the same person as her pen pal?"
"What if she is just playing head games with me?" I stopped pacing and faced my mom, loosely holding onto my elbow to avoid fidgeting; even thinking that she could be playing games made my stomach twist painfully.
My mom arched her brow, "What if she is the person you have gotten to know? What if she likes both the you she knows and the you she has written to? You can't 'what if' this situation away, Adrian."
Taking a deep breath, I turned away from her. She was right. There was no way to make this all go away. My jaw hurt from clenching it, trying to keep in my emotions. Looking up at the ceiling, I pulled my hand through my already messed up hair and rubbed the back of my neck.
I turned back to my mom, placed my palms onto the cool countertop, and leaned forward. I was tempted to lay my forehead against the cool surface. "So, what do I do?"
She laughed softly and shook her head, "this one is on you, Adrian. You are going to need to figure it out yourself."
Drew
Even the drive home hadn't taken away the warm feeling from the night. All of it made my crappy day seem not so crappy at all. A smile stayed on my face, and I couldn't pull my thoughts from Jackson.
His family was so average. Not my normal but the normal you see in tv shows. I was surprised he hadn't run for the hills at even a tiny glimpse of mine. He had gotten more than a taste, that's for sure.
When I had announced, I had to leave, and his face fell with his disappointment. I wanted to stay forever. Instead, I grabbed his phone and texted my number so I'd have his number, and he had mine. He had worked his way behind my walls, and I couldn't even muster the strength to build them back up. What was worse is I liked it. That should scare me.
I pull out my phone, bring up his name in my contacts and start a new text message. What do you say to someone after a fantastic evening if you just left 15 minutes ago? Is it weird that I even want to text him? Is it too bold? My fingers hovered over the keyboard as I had my internal debate.
Typing out, 'hey,' I pause. Should I thank Jackson for a great night? Suggest we do it again? Ugh. Erasing what I keyed into the phone, I exited out of the blank chat. I will wait until tomorrow. I decided as I closed the screen.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone tapped on my driver's side window. A startled scream escaped my throat, and my flight or fight instinct had me pressing away from the window. Until I realized it was Christina.
With a sigh, I push open my door and stand up, my arms crossed. "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to talk." She looks at the ground and kicks at a pebble.
"You want to talk?" I deadpan. Disbelief makes my head feel fuzzy as I stare at her. Drawing in a slow and steady breath, I watch her.
She bites on her lip and looks up at me briefly before focusing on the cement again. "Yeah, about earlier."
"There isn't anything to say." The fact that she had used what she had learned against me at the first opportunity wasn't making me feel very forgiving.
"Drew, don't be like that. You are my best friend-" She whined.
"Oh, is that how best friends should act? I have been doing it all wrong for so long. You are unbelievable. You just want me to forgive you so that you can cut me even deeper next time." I laugh, although none of this is funny. "You need to leave."
Pointing at her car, I cross my arms again. My whole body is tense, and I can feel my heart pounding in my ears. It sounded like a freight train.
"Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." She stepped towards me as if she would touch me, and I stepped back. "Drew, you get everything you want. I can't help it that I got jealous. I mean, you have Adam chasing after you again. He totally wants you. And you don't want anything to do with him. It's just crazy. If I were you, I would jump at the chance to be with Adam."
"That was jealousy?" Watching her, I cocked my head to the side and shook it. Shifting my weight, I leaned against my car, my hands clenching slightly. "If you want Adam, go for it. He's not a catch. I thought you would have learned that when I dated him, and he was a total jerk."
Glancing at my house, I noticed the front porch light had flipped on. My stomach dropped in fear. My dad was awake and aware I was out here. Christina needed to leave before she had even more things to throw in my face and use against me. Pushing from the car, I turn away from her, clearly indicating that the conversation is done,
"Drew, wait-" her hand grabs my upper arm, and I freeze before slowly turning toward her. The need to lash out vibrated in my chest.
"Don't. Touch. Me." I shake her fingers off my arm with a glare at her hand. "You were supposed to be my best friend, yet the moment- the very first moment you could take me down a level, you jumped on it. No apology is going to make that better."
"You think you're better than everyone, but you're not. Everyone is going to see what a fraud you are." She threw the words at my back like tiny knives, proving how fake her apology had been. Had we ever really been friends?
I shake my head and turn away from her, hoping she will just get in her car and go. I wish I could say that my heart broke at her betrayal, but we had been superficial friends at best. If this situation proved anything, counting on people to have your back was stupid.
I glanced over my shoulder to see if she had left, and she was just standing there with a look on her face like she wanted to fight more. She wasn't going to get any fight from me. I was done. "Christina, just go. I don't care what you think or say. Go ruin someone else's life."
With a huff, she stomped over to her car. Glaring at me as she tried to yank her door off, opening it. Then she slid behind the wheel and started the car before peeling away from the curb.
I watched her taillights fade into the distance before sucking in a deep breath and turning towards the house. Dread filled me, and any residual happiness I held onto from my time with Jackson evaporated into the night as if it had never been there.
I wrapped my hands around my keys to hold them with one between my knuckles. I make my way up the pathway to the house. It was sad that I had to do this. It was horrible to need protection from someone who should care the most about you. My chest felt tight, like I wasn't getting enough air, probably because I had stopped breathing. I blinked back some tears that tried to leak out. Going into the house was perhaps the last thing I wanted to do.
I twisted the nob and swung the door in. I paused for a moment before stepping inside.
"Hi honey, you're home early. You didn't have to work today?" My dad's cheerful voice pulled my attention to him sitting in his chair. A book was folded beneath his hands, and a glass of water sat on the table next to him.
Still, I couldn't pull a full breath into my tight lungs. Was this a trick? I could never trust the good moods because he could snap at any moment. At least he wasn't trying to give me something.
"Uh," I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, my keys still gripped in my right hand, ready to be used in my defense. "Yeah, uh, I'm pretty tired. I'm gonna head to bed."
"Drew, come on, stay and chat awhile. It feels like forever since we've talked. I want to know my daughter." He leaned forward in the chair, and I jumped a little bit.
"I'm not feeling up to it." I edge myself towards the hallway, ready to bolt at the first sign of his mood changing. "Maybe tomorrow." I lied more like never.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, and I pull it out, thankful for another excuse. My dad frowned, and I held my phone up, showing him that it was ringing. Then I quickly made it to my room, locking the door behind me.
After slipping the second chain closed, I answered my phone.
"Hello?" I walked over to my bed and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay." Jackson's warm voice washed over me, and I could feel the pinpricks of my tears trying to escape again.
Closing my eyes, I pull my legs under me and rest against my headboard, holding onto my phone like it's a lifeline. "Yeah, I just got home. Everything is good."
"Yeah? Good. You don't need to order a pizza or anything, right? Like you're safe, right?" A single tear escaped at the concern I could hear in his voice.
"Everything is good. I'm safe." I said, my voice cracking a little with emotion. It was different having someone expressing concern. It pulled at my heart in a good way.
"Good. I'm glad. Uh," I listened as it sounded like Jackson covered the phone with his hand, and I could hear his muffled voice as he told his sister to go away. "Sorry about that, my sister-"
"Is sweet. You're lucky to have her." I cut him off.
"She's something that's for sure," he replies with a smile in his voice. I can hear her singing that silly song again and making kissing noises before I hear a door close, cutting her off. I can imagine him blushing in embarrassment and rubbing at his neck like he does when he feels awkward. I don't know when I started to pick up on those little things, but it filled me with joy. "Okaaayy, so I just wanted to tell you I had fun tonight."
I smiled as the words I had wanted to text him flowed out of him quickly, like he had to get them out.
"And if you'd like to, I thought we could go out this weekend."
My smile grew wider, and I closed my eyes to absorb the happiness I was feeling again.
"I mean, uh, as friends or something. There is something I want to share with you." He sounded so unsure and adorably dorky that I wanted to put him out of misery.
"I had a lot of fun tonight too. Thank you for having me over." I paused a moment before adding, "Hanging out this weekend sounds good. What did you have in mind?"
"Phew, for a minute there, I thought you'd just hang up on me or something." He laughed all the relief he felt coming through the phone in the words he was saying. He was a different breed of male.
"And here I thought you had confidence and an ego the size of the football field."
"Well yeah, on the football field maybe, but not with girls."
I giggled, like literally giggled. "I doubt that very much. Girls have to throw themselves at you at your school."
He clears his throat and says, "Let's not talk about them."
I grin and hug my stuffed animal. I really do like Jackson. Even though I swore off guys, I had somehow let him in. I was probably going to break my rule for him. He wasn't like Adam, though; he was worth it.
Adrian
Drew is everything I had been looking for. It was crazy that meeting her would have happened even if the guys didn't want to go to the diner that first night. Although, it probably wouldn't have gone the same way if I hadn't put two and two together.
I pushed away from my bedroom door now that my sister's voice had faded, and I wasn't worried about her bursting in. Flopping down on my bed, I kept the phone to my ear. The stars on my ceiling glowed slightly in the dimness of my room.
"So, let's talk about you," I said with a smile she couldn't see.
"Oh no, we keep talking about me. I want to talk about you."
"Hmmm." I hummed.
"I'm serious." Drew insisted, and I pictured her sitting on her bed with her back straight and a look on her face that said I wouldn't win this one.
"I mean, you know basically everything about me. You were at my house. You met my mom, sister, and dog."
"There is more to you than that." She laughed, and I grinned and put a hand under my head, getting comfortable.
"Fine." I fake a sigh and wait for her response.
"Let's start with something simple; if you could make one rule for the day and everyone had to follow it, what would it be?"
Laughing, I grinned up at my ceiling like an idiot. "I would make the rule that they had to do whatever I said, of course."
"Of course, you would." She laughed. "Okay, hmmm, do you believe in karma?"
"Wait, you didn't answer the first question." I protested. I was stalling for time. Do I believe in karma? If I did, I was in for a world of pain. Karma would bite me in the ass and take a big chunk out.
"We are talking about you tonight." She replied.
"Fine. I do. Believe in karma that is. Whatever you put out in the world comes back to you." I tell her. "I want a question now."
"Nope. What game are you terrible at?"
"20 questions when the other person doesn't want to answer any questions back," I say quickly.
"Are you sulking?" She laughs.
"A little." I stretch out my legs before bending one at the knee and propping my foot on my bed. A smile plays on my lips as I wait for her response.
"Oh gosh. Fine. Ask me a question."
"Do you believe things happen for a reason?" As much as I believed in karma, I felt things happened for a reason. We were supposed to meet.
"That is a tough one. So much crap has happened to me. My mom left when I was little. My dad is an alcoholic with anger issues. It is hard for me to feel like that stuff happened for a reason. That there is a reason my dad is violent. You know?"
How could I forget about her life and ask such a stupid question? Of course, she will not feel like things happen for a reason. I want to take back my question, but I don't know how.
"Yeah, I get it, Drew. I'm sorry for that question." I say past the lump that has formed in my throat.
"No, it is a good question. I don't know how I feel about it. Maybe someday, I will look back at things and see that they happened for a reason. But being stuck in this life feels more like a punishment for a crime I didn't commit."
A silence fell over the line, and I desperately wanted to fill it with something that would make her laugh again, distract her.
"Would you rather shoot spaghetti out of your fingers or sneeze meatballs out of your nose?"
Her response was a startled laugh, and I smiled, knowing that I could make her smile and laugh. "Really?" She laughed some more. "Just when I forget you are sort of dorky, you ask a question like that."
"No judgment. Just answer the question."
"Neither one of them sounds fun. I definitely don't want to sneeze meatballs, though, so shooting spaghetti out of my hands would be my choice. How about you?"
"Definitely the spaghetti."
"My turn. If you had to be an inanimate object for a year, what would it be?" She asked, and my thoughts immediately went into the gutter.
