Collected Works of Zane Grey, page 180
What words for a dying man to whisper! Why had not Venters waited? For what? That was no plea for life. It was regret that there was not a moment of life left in which to speak. Bess was — Herein lay renewed torture for Venters. What had Bess been to Oldring? The old question, like a specter, stalked from its grave to haunt him. He had overlooked, he had forgiven, he had loved and he had forgotten; and now, out of the mystery of a dying man’s whisper rose again that perverse, unsatisfied, jealous uncertainty. Bess had loved that splendid, black-crowned giant — by her own confession she had loved him; and in Venters’s soul again flamed up the jealous hell. Then into the clamoring hell burst the shot that had killed Oldring, and it rang in a wild fiendish gladness, a hateful, vengeful joy. That passed to the memory of the love and light in Oldring’s eyes and the mystery in his whisper. So the changing, swaying emotions fluctuated in Venters’s heart.
This was the climax of his year of suffering and the crucial struggle of his life. And when the gray dawn came he rose, a gloomy, almost heartbroken man, but victor over evil passions. He could not change the past; and, even if he had not loved Bess with all his soul, he had grown into a man who would not change the future he had planned for her. Only, and once for all, he must know the truth, know the worst, stifle all these insistent doubts and subtle hopes and jealous fancies, and kill the past by knowing truly what Bess had been to Oldring. For that matter he knew — he had always known, but he must hear it spoken. Then, when they had safely gotten out of that wild country to take up a new and an absorbing life, she would forget, she would be happy, and through that, in the years to come, he could not but find life worth living.
All day he rode slowly and cautiously up the Pass, taking time to peer around corners, to pick out hard ground and grassy patches, and to make sure there was no one in pursuit. In the night sometime he came to the smooth, scrawled rocks dividing the valley, and here set the burro at liberty. He walked beyond, climbed the slope and the dim, starlit gorge. Then, weary to the point of exhaustion, he crept into a shallow cave and fell asleep.
In the morning, when he descended the trail, he found the sun was pouring a golden stream of light through the arch of the great stone bridge. Surprise Valley, like a valley of dreams, lay mystically soft and beautiful, awakening to the golden flood which was rolling away its slumberous bands of mist, brightening its walled faces.
While yet far off he discerned Bess moving under the silver spruces, and soon the barking of the dogs told him that they had seen him. He heard the mocking-birds singing in the trees, and then the twittering of the quail. Ring and Whitie came bounding toward him, and behind them ran Bess, her hands outstretched.
“Bern! You’re back! You’re back!” she cried, in joy that rang of her loneliness.
“Yes, I’m back,” he said, as she rushed to meet him.
She had reached out for him when suddenly, as she saw him closely, something checked her, and as quickly all her joy fled, and with it her color, leaving her pale and trembling.
“Oh! What’s happened?”
“A good deal has happened, Bess. I don’t need to tell you what. And I’m played out. Worn out in mind more than body.”
“Dear — you look strange to me!” faltered Bess.
“Never mind that. I’m all right. There’s nothing for you to be scared about. Things are going to turn out just as we have planned. As soon as I’m rested we’ll make a break to get out of the country. Only now, right now, I must know the truth about you.”
“Truth about me?” echoed Bess, shrinkingly. She seemed to be casting back into her mind for a forgotten key. Venters himself, as he saw her, received a pang.
“Yes — the truth. Bess, don’t misunderstand. I haven’t changed that way. I love you still. I’ll love you more afterward. Life will be just as sweet — sweeter to us. We’ll be — be married as soon as ever we can. We’ll be happy — but there’s a devil in me. A perverse, jealous devil! Then I’ve queer fancies. I forgot for a long time. Now all those fiendish little whispers of doubt and faith and fear and hope come torturing me again. I’ve got to kill them with the truth.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” she replied, frankly.
“Then by Heaven! we’ll have it over and done with!... Bess — did Oldring love you?”
“Certainly he did.”
“Did — did you love him?”
“Of course. I told you so.”
“How can you tell it so lightly?” cried Venters, passionately. “Haven’t you any sense of — of—” He choked back speech. He felt the rush of pain and passion. He seized her in rude, strong hands and drew her close. He looked straight into her dark-blue eyes. They were shadowing with the old wistful light, but they were as clear as the limpid water of the spring. They were earnest, solemn in unutterable love and faith and abnegation. Venters shivered. He knew he was looking into her soul. He knew she could not lie in that moment; but that she might tell the truth, looking at him with those eyes, almost killed his belief in purity.
“What are — what were you to — to Oldring?” he panted, fiercely.
“I am his daughter,” she replied, instantly.
Venters slowly let go of her. There was a violent break in the force of his feeling — then creeping blankness.
“What — was it — you said?” he asked, in a kind of dull wonder.
“I am his daughter.”
“Oldring’s daughter?” queried Venters, with life gathering in his voice.
“Yes.”
With a passionately awakening start he grasped her hands and drew her close.
“All the time — you’ve been Oldring’s daughter?”
“Yes, of course all the time — always.”
“But Bess, you told me — you let me think — I made out you were — a — so — so ashamed.”
“It is my shame,” she said, with voice deep and full, and now the scarlet fired her cheek. “I told you — I’m nothing — nameless — just Bess, Oldring’s girl!”
“I know — I remember. But I never thought—” he went on, hurriedly, huskily. “That time — when you lay dying — you prayed — you — somehow I got the idea you were bad.”
“Bad?” she asked, with a little laugh.
She looked up with a faint smile of bewilderment and the absolute unconsciousness of a child. Venters gasped in the gathering might of the truth. She did not understand his meaning.
“Bess! Bess!” He clasped her in his arms, hiding her eyes against his breast. She must not see his face in that moment. And he held her while he looked out across the valley. In his dim and blinded sight, in the blur of golden light and moving mist, he saw Oldring. She was the rustler’s nameless daughter. Oldring had loved her. He had so guarded her, so kept her from women and men and knowledge of life that her mind was as a child’s. That was part of the secret — part of the mystery. That was the wonderful truth. Not only was she not bad, but good, pure, innocent above all innocence in the world — the innocence of lonely girlhood.
He saw Oldring’s magnificent eyes, inquisitive, searching, softening. He saw them flare in amaze, in gladness, with love, then suddenly strain in terrible effort of will. He heard Oldring whisper and saw him sway like a log and fall. Then a million bellowing, thundering voices — gunshots of conscience, thunderbolts of remorse — dinned horribly in his ears. He had killed Bess’s father. Then a rushing wind filled his ears like a moan of wind in the cliffs, a knell indeed — Oldring’s knell.
He dropped to his knees and hid his face against Bess, and grasped her with the hands of a drowning man.
“My God!... My God!... Oh, Bess!... Forgive me! Never mind what I’ve done — what I’ve thought. But forgive me. I’ll give you my life. I’ll live for you. I’ll love you. Oh, I do love you as no man ever loved a woman. I want you to know — to remember that I fought a fight for you — however blind I was. I thought — I thought — never mind what I thought — but I loved you — I asked you to marry me. Let that — let me have that to hug to my heart. Oh, Bess, I was driven! And I might have known! I could not rest nor sleep till I had this mystery solved. God! how things work out!”
“Bern, you’re weak — trembling — you talk wildly,” cried Bess. “You’ve overdone your strength. There’s nothing to forgive. There’s no mystery except your love for me. You have come back to me!”
And she clasped his head tenderly in her arms and pressed it closely to her throbbing breast.
CHAPTER XIX. FAY
AT THE HOME of Jane Withersteen Little Fay was climbing Lassiter’s knee.
“Does oo love me?” she asked.
Lassiter, who was as serious with Fay as he was gentle and loving, assured her in earnest and elaborate speech that he was her devoted subject. Fay looked thoughtful and appeared to be debating the duplicity of men or searching for a supreme test to prove this cavalier.
“Does oo love my new muvver?” she asked, with bewildering suddenness.
Jane Withersteen laughed, and for the first time in many a day she felt a stir of her pulse and warmth in her cheek.
It was a still drowsy summer of afternoon, and the three were sitting in the shade of the wooded knoll that faced the sage-slope. Little Fay’s brief spell of unhappy longing for her mother — the childish, mystic gloom — had passed, and now where Fay was there were prattle and laughter and glee. She had emerged from sorrow to be the incarnation of joy and loveliness. She had grown supernaturally sweet and beautiful. For Jane Withersteen the child was an answer to prayer, a blessing, a possession infinitely more precious than all she had lost. For Lassiter, Jane divined that little Fay had become a religion.
“Does oo love my new muvver?” repeated Fay.
Lassiter’s answer to this was a modest and sincere affirmative.
“Why don’t oo marry my new muvver an’ be my favver?”
Of the thousands of questions put by little Fay to Lassiter this was the first he had been unable to answer.
“Fay — Fay, don’t ask questions like that,” said Jane.
“Why?”
“Because,” replied Jane. And she found it strangely embarrassing to meet the child’s gaze. It seemed to her that Fay’s violet eyes looked through her with piercing wisdom.
“Oo love him, don’t oo?”
“Dear child — run and play,” said Jane, “but don’t go too far. Don’t go from this little hill.”
Fay pranced off wildly, joyous over freedom that had not been granted her for weeks.
“Jane, why are children more sincere than grown-up persons?” asked Lassiter.
“Are they?”
“I reckon so. Little Fay there — she sees things as they appear on the face. An Indian does that. So does a dog. An’ an Indian an’ a dog are most of the time right in what they see. Mebbe a child is always right.”
“Well, what does Fay see?” asked Jane.
“I reckon you know. I wonder what goes on in Fay’s mind when she sees part of the truth with the wise eyes of a child, an’ wantin’ to know more, meets with strange falseness from you? Wait! You are false in a way, though you’re the best woman I ever knew. What I want to say is this. Fay has taken you’re pretendin’ to — to care for me for the thing it looks on the face. An’ her little formin’ mind asks questions. An’ the answers she gets are different from the looks of things. So she’ll grow up gradually takin’ on that falseness, an’ be like the rest of the women, an’ men, too. An’ the truth of this falseness to life is proved by your appearin’ to love me when you don’t. Things aren’t what they seem.”
“Lassiter, you’re right. A child should be told the absolute truth. But — is that possible? I haven’t been able to do it, and all my life I’ve loved the truth, and I’ve prided myself upon being truthful. Maybe that was only egotism. I’m learning much, my friend. Some of those blinding scales have fallen from my eyes. And — and as to caring for you, I think I care a great deal. How much, how little, I couldn’t say. My heart is almost broken, Lassiter. So now is not a good time to judge of affection. I can still play and be merry with Fay. I can still dream. But when I attempt serious thought I’m dazed. I don’t think. I don’t care any more. I don’t pray!... Think of that, my friend! But in spite of my numb feeling I believe I’ll rise out of all this dark agony a better woman, with greater love of man and God. I’m on the rack now; I’m senseless to all but pain, and growing dead to that. Sooner or later I shall rise out of this stupor. I’m waiting the hour.”
“It’ll soon come, Jane,” replied Lassiter, soberly. “Then I’m afraid for you. Years are terrible things, an’ for years you’ve been bound. Habit of years is strong as life itself. Somehow, though, I believe as you — that you’ll come out of it all a finer woman. I’m waitin’, too. An’ I’m wonderin’ — I reckon, Jane, that marriage between us is out of all human reason?”
“Lassiter!... My dear friend!... It’s impossible for us to marry!”
“Why — as Fay says?” inquired Lassiter, with gentle persistence.
“Why! I never thought why. But it’s not possible. I am Jane, daughter of Withersteen. My father would rise out of his grave. I’m of Mormon birth. I’m being broken. But I’m still a Mormon woman. And you — you are Lassiter!”
“Mebbe I’m not so much Lassiter as I used to be.”
“What was it you said? Habit of years is strong as life itself! You can’t change the one habit — the purpose of your life. For you still pack those black guns! You still nurse your passion for blood.”
A smile, like a shadow, flickered across his face.
“No.”
“Lassiter, I lied to you. But I beg of you — don’t you lie to me. I’ve great respect for you. I believe you’re softened toward most, perhaps all, my people except — But when I speak of your purpose, your hate, your guns, I have only him in mind. I don’t believe you’ve changed.”
For answer he unbuckled the heavy cartridge-belt, and laid it with the heavy, swing gun-sheaths in her lap.
“Lassiter!” Jane whispered, as she gazed from him to the black, cold guns. Without them he appeared shorn of strength, defenseless, a smaller man. Was she Delilah? Swiftly, conscious of only one motive — refusal to see this man called craven by his enemies — she rose, and with blundering fingers buckled the belt round his waist where it belonged.
“Lassiter, I am a coward.”
“Come with me out of Utah — where I can put away my guns an’ be a man,” he said. “I reckon I’ll prove it to you then! Come! You’ve got Black Star back, an’ Night an’ Bells. Let’s take the racers an’ little Fay, en’ race out of Utah. The hosses an’ the child are all you have left. Come!”
“No, no, Lassiter. I’ll never leave Utah. What would I do in the world with my broken fortunes and my broken heart? I’ll never leave these purple slopes I love so well.”
“I reckon I ought to ‘ve knowed that. Presently you’ll be livin’ down here in a hovel, en’ presently Jane Withersteen will be a memory. I only wanted to have a chance to show you how a man — any man — can be better ‘n he was. If we left Utah I could prove — I reckon I could prove this thing you call love. It’s strange, an’ hell an’ heaven at once, Jane Withersteen. ‘Pears to me that you’ve thrown away your big heart on love — love of religion an’ duty an’ churchmen, an’ riders an’ poor families an’ poor children! Yet you can’t see what love is — how it changes a person!... Listen, an’ in tellin’ you Milly Erne’s story I’ll show you how love changed her.
“Milly an’ me was children when our family moved from Missouri to Texas, an’ we growed up in Texas ways same as if we’d been born there. We had been poor, an’ there we prospered. In time the little village where we went became a town, an’ strangers an’ new families kept movin’ in. Milly was the belle them days. I can see her now, a little girl no bigger ‘n a bird, an’ as pretty. She had the finest eyes, dark blue-black when she was excited, an’ beautiful all the time. You remember Milly’s eyes! An’ she had light-brown hair with streaks of gold, an’ a mouth that every feller wanted to kiss.
“An’ about the time Milly was the prettiest an’ the sweetest, along came a young minister who began to ride some of a race with the other fellers for Milly. An’ he won. Milly had always been strong on religion, an’ when she met Frank Erne she went in heart an’ soul for the salvation of souls. Fact was, Milly, through study of the Bible an’ attendin’ church an’ revivals, went a little out of her head. It didn’t worry the old folks none, an’ the only worry to me was Milly’s everlastin’ prayin’ an’ workin’ to save my soul. She never converted me, but we was the best of comrades, an’ I reckon no brother an’ sister ever loved each other better. Well, Frank Erne an me hit up a great friendship. He was a strappin’ feller, good to look at, an’ had the most pleasin’ ways. His religion never bothered me, for he could hunt an’ fish an’ ride an’ be a good feller. After buffalo once, he come pretty near to savin’ my life. We got to be thick as brothers, an’ he was the only man I ever seen who I thought was good enough for Milly. An’ the day they were married I got drunk for the only time in my life.
“Soon after that I left home — it seems Milly was the only one who could keep me home — an’ I went to the bad, as to prosperin’ I saw some pretty hard life in the Pan Handle, an’ then I went North. In them days Kansas an’ Nebraska was as bad, come to think of it, as these days right here on the border of Utah. I got to be pretty handy with guns. An’ there wasn’t many riders as could beat me ridin’. An’ I can say all modest-like that I never seen the white man who could track a hoss or a steer or a man with me. Afore I knowed it two years slipped by, an’ all at once I got homesick, en’ purled a bridle south.
