Sue, page 14
“What’s she look like?” Sue was surprised at her own curiosity.
“Almost as tall as me, willowy. Auburn hair, really pale skin. She’s pretty. Not in a striking way like you...” He gave Sue a sidelong glance. “But in a quiet way. You don’t even notice it at first. You have to be around her for a while, see her smile, hear the way she talks. Then you see it. Anyway, we had some of the same classes; that’s how we met.”
“So, did you get along pretty well?”
“Yes, I thought so. I was very comfortable with her. We were comfortable with each other.”
“Wow, comfortable,” Sue teased. “That sounds more like a pair of slippers than a relationship.”
“I guess.” Melvin gave a half smile.
Sue grew serious. “But it hurt pretty badly when you broke up, huh?”
“I was kind of expecting it by the time it finally happened. Our communications dwindled; calls came less frequently, same with emails. So I guess I suffered the hurt in installments over a few months time as things just sort of fell apart.”
“How’d she tell you? Or did you find out from somebody else?”
“She was direct about it. Called me up. Said she had feelings for another guy, strong ones, and that made her realize that what we had was basically a ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing. There was no future for us.”
“Ouch.”
“That’s the way it goes sometimes.” He filled his mouth with popcorn and chewed vigorously, cutting off further discussion for the moment.
Sue watched his jaw move, noticed his eyes roaming the room, looking anywhere but at her, sensed his vulnerability. A tender feeling bloomed inside her and she had the sudden impulse to reach out and touch his face. It was fleeting, there and gone within seconds.
Melvin seemed uneasy with her scrutiny. He swallowed hard and guzzled his soda. Finally he looked directly at her. “What?”
“Let me ask you something.” Sue’s face was unreadable. “Are you comfortable with me?”
Melvin had the look of a man who just perceived a trap in his path, a particularly tricky one. He could think of no good response. If he said yes, that might be construed as an insult. If he said no, it could have the same result. He carefully placed his soda can on the table. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Just tell the truth. You’re big on honesty.”
“You make that sound like a negative instead of a positive.” He sighed as if about to tackle an unpleasant task. “Okay. The true answer is yes and no.”
Sue regarded him with a twinkle in her eye. “Explain.”
“I enjoy being around you but I’m not comfortable with you.”
“Why’s that?” His answer hadn’t really surprised her. She knew she’d been difficult at times.
“I’d rather not get into it, at least not now.”
“That’s mysterious.”
He gave her a slight smile. “That’s me. Man of mystery.”
“Hmm. Well, I’m not sure about all that, but I’ll let it slide. Want to watch some TV?”
“Sure.” Melvin leaned back, settling in as Sue flipped through the channels, finally settling on an action movie. The rest of the night, they stayed away from weighty subjects. At ten till twelve, Melvin put on his coat and left. Sue locked the door behind him.
Though she really didn’t expect much to happen, she had trouble relaxing. She rushed through her bedtime routine and put on warm pajamas and slippers. Even knowing Melvin was only a few yards away, she felt alone. She slipped her arms into a fleece robe and huddled on the sofa in the dark. The ring of her cell phone startled her. It was probably Melvin and she wondered why he would compromise his position.
Grabbing her phone, she checked the number. Didn’t recognize it. “Hello.”
A harsh whisper sounded in her ear. “Want some company?”
Her first reaction was to throw the phone away and she gave in to the impulse. It landed unharmed on the carpet. She stared at it as if it might come to life and attack her. Then she came to her senses and scrambled to the floor. Snatching the phone, she said, “Hello? Are you still there?”
“I’m here, baby.”
Her heart fluttered in her chest. “Who is this?”
“Did you like the letter?”
A chill passed over Sue. “What letter?” She chewed on her lip, crept to the door, and peered out the curtain. She couldn’t see Melvin, but she wouldn’t. He was wearing dark clothes, hiding.
“You’re so cute, playing hard to get. We both know that’s an act, don’t we?”
There was something almost familiar in his intonation. If he’d only speak louder, she might be able to place his voice.
“What do you want?”
“I told you in the letter what I want. And I think you want it, too.”
Clenching her teeth to keep them from chattering, Sue tried to sound normal. “Well, do you want to meet somewhere or something?” She was pleased to come up with this plan on the spur of the moment.
“That’s more like it,” he purred. “I’ll be right in.”
“What? You’re here?”
“I’m close.”
“Like how close? In the same town?”
“You might say I’m in the neighborhood.”
Sue covered her mouth with her hand and held back her panic. She listened to him breathe for a few seconds, then asked, “Can you see my house from where you are?”
He laughed softly. “Clear as can be.”
“You’re outside now?”
“That’s right. I can be in there with you in a...”
Sounds of a scuffle came through speaker and the unmistakable sound of a phone being dropped. Then Sue could hear another voice but couldn’t make out the words. Still she knew who it was. Melvin!
Disconnecting, she tossed her phone on the chair, ran to the door, and threw it open. Flipping on the porch light, she stepped outside and looked around. Under her living room window, just outside the circle of light, she could make out two dark figures. “Melvin, is that you?”
There was a thud followed by a couple of grunts, then the sound of Melvin’s breathless voice. “Call the police, Sue.”
She dashed inside, dialed 911, and reported that a friend of hers had caught an intruder and needed help. After giving her address, she dug her flashlight out of a drawer and flew back outside. Revealed in the flashlight beam was a man in dark clothes and ski mask leaning with both hands against the side of the house. Standing behind him, brandishing a gun, was Melvin. “We got him! That’s him! I heard him call you. Then I watched him go up to the window and try to see inside.”
The prowler groaned and reached for his head.
“Hey!” Melvin pushed him roughly in the middle of his back. “Keep those hands on the wall, freak. Don’t make me shoot you.”
The man pressed his hands against the wall again. He seemed to weave a little.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Probably has a headache. I might have hit him a little too hard. But he’ll survive.”
Sirens sounded and grew closer.
“Have a heart, buddy,” the man spoke. “Let me go and I promise to leave her alone. We don’t need to get the cops involved here. It was an honest mistake; I just misread her signals, that’s all. Could happen to anybody.”
Sue froze. “Martin?” She shone the light near the eyeholes in the mask, then turned her gaze to Melvin. “I think that’s Martin! The head bartender from the country club.”
Two police cruisers raced down the street. One skidded into the driveway while the other slid to a stop at an angle in the street.
“Ah, son-of-a-bitch.” Martin hung his head between his outstretched arms. “I swear, I have the worst fucking luck in the world.”
The police took Martin into custody and questioned everyone involved. They finally drove away. Sue was too shaken to relax, but Melvin sank into the sofa and leaned his head back. He and Sue had been over the event several times by then and he was fading fast. It was nearing two a.m. when Sue grew tired of waiting and called the police station. She asked to speak to someone about her case and was transferred to Detective Sanders.
“It’s Sue Cox. I’m surprised you’re there at this hour!”
“Goes along with the job. I was going to wait a few hours to call you.”
“So you’ve talked to Martin? What did you find out?”
“Well, after a bit of dancing around, he finally admitted to the letter and the valentine. He denied the flowers or mailing you the poem. He also denied ever being inside your apartment.”
“Do you believe him?” Sue held her breath and gazed at Melvin who had dozed off on the sofa.
“Not really, although we didn’t pick up his prints in your house.” She paused before adding, “He also confessed to keying Melvin’s car, something that was never reported to the police.”
Sue jostled Melvin’s shoulder and he opened his eyes. Holding the phone away from her mouth, she asked, “Did you know your car had been keyed?”
He shook his head. Grabbing his coat, he hurried outside to check.
Sue put the phone to her mouth again. “So what now?”
“We charge him. He gets a lawyer, appears before the judge, and gets released. A hearing date will be set. He’ll probably get probation; he has no priors. If he bothers you again, call us and he’ll go back to jail. At any rate, it looks like your stalker is out of business.”
“God, I hope so.”
Sue hung up as Melvin returned. “How bad is it?” she asked.
“It runs along the back fender. Just a skinny line, not that bad.”
“I’m sorry it happened.”
“Not your fault, Sue. Don’t worry about it.”
Sue regarded Melvin for a moment. His eyes were drooping again.
“Lie down,” she said.
He stretched out on the sofa and she spread a blanket over him. She flipped off the light and tiptoed to her room.
The excitement was over but her emotions had been yanked in so many directions, she felt frazzled. It hadn’t been Zeke after all. But her mind could not entirely accept this conclusion. Who left the flowers and sent the poem? Someone else was out there. Maybe even watching the house right now. Sue shuddered and went into her bedroom. She got little sleep.
Chapter 26
Dr. Camden read several pages of Sue’s journal, closed the book quietly, and laid it on the table next to her. “I see you’re still having doubts as to your culpability in the events that took place with Zeke. Tell me about the guilt you feel,” the doctor said.
“What makes you think I feel guilty about anything?”
“I’m basing it on what I just read and some things you’ve said so far today.”
Sue’s eyes flashed a challenge, but inside she surrendered to the truth and grew defensive. “Look, I admit I did some really bad stuff, but the guilt belongs to Zeke, not me. We’ve already been over the remorse I have over breaking into Doris’s house, and over the part I played in Brenda’s death. You’ve helped me understand that I was only trying to stay alive at that point. ”
Dr. Camden gazed at her calmly, waiting.
“And yes, I feel a lot of shame over the sexual situations Zeke got me into, if that’s what you’re talking about. But I think I’ve come to terms with a lot of that.” Not really. “So what guilt?”
“You tell me.”
Sue’s resistance crumbled. “Okay, okay. You’re right, damn it. Along with everything else, I still feel so much guilt. For a number of reasons. Here’s one little thing I never told you. It’s about the case against Zeke. You know, I can see his face in my mind, so clearly. But when I tried to describe it to the police artist, I couldn’t get it right. Every adjustment he made to the sketch of Zeke was wrong. Either the nose was too thin or it was too wide. His eyes...the look of them just couldn’t be captured. Zeke’s eyes are electric and compelling, almost hypnotic. And his smile is dazzling. Nothing the artist did came close to the real thing. So the drawing they ended up with doesn’t even look like Zeke. It won’t help them find him and I told them so.”
“Did you give it your best shot?”
“Of course!” Sue’s face heated. “Do you think I’d deliberately mislead them?”
“I’m not suggesting that at all. I’m just asking you to explore the question.”
Sue chewed the corner of her fingernail, thinking. “It’s crazy to feel guilty about the sketch then, is that what you’re saying? Because I did try?”
The doctor said nothing, allowed Sue to sort out the implications.
“That’s it then. I did everything I could to help the police. So it’s not my fault if they haven’t caught him yet.”
“How could it be your fault?”
“It couldn’t.” Sue experienced a few uncomfortable twinges as she pictured the growing file hidden in her bedroom and the secrets she wrote in her second journal. She shifted the subject slightly. “I sometimes hate myself for not hating him more.”
“Do you hate him?”
“I despise him. He’s a sadistic psycho. He messed my life up so badly.” Her chest rose and fell with her angst. “But he didn’t do it alone. I helped him. I went along. Some of the things he told me, even in the beginning, I should have recognized as lies. I just wanted so much for them to be true. I let myself believe and I let myself be led. How pathetic is that? How pathetic am I?”
“So you blame yourself for what happened?”
“Yes.” Sue exhaled, filled with sudden relief. “That’s it exactly. I am angry at myself for the part I played in my own destruction. I am the...the instrument of my own misery, in a way.” She looked at the doctor with puzzlement in her eyes. “Which is worse, Doctor? Being stupid or being pathetic?”
“You are neither, Sue.” Dr. Camden gave her a gentle smile. “You’re a very bright young woman who made the wrong choice. Everyone makes mistakes, even the most brilliant minds on earth. Do you think you are going to be the only human being in history to have a lapse in judgment? The only person to feel vulnerable? The one and only person who isn’t allowed to screw up? We’ve covered this concept pretty extensively already. Let’s take a closer look at this; something else is at work here, Sue.”
Surprise registered on her face. “Really? What’s that?”
“The self-loathing is serving a purpose today, although it’s not readily apparent. It’s protecting you from something you perceive as worse by comparison.” The doctor shifted in her chair, set the notes aside. “Originally we had planned on discussing those childhood incidents we touched on last time. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” Sue sighed deeply. “I forgot about that.”
“You didn’t forget.”
Sue’s mind seemed to clear at that remark. Sometimes she resented Dr. Camden and her unusually accurate insights. Still, she admitted nothing.
The doctor continued, “Guilt, or even shame, can throw up quite a roadblock. I know some of our sessions are painful, Sue. But that’s part of the process; weeding out those old memories, looking at them under the light of your adult perspective, and coming to new understandings and acceptance. But it can wait a little longer.” She stood, indicating an end to the session. “I think you’re making fine progress. Keep writing in your journal and I’ll see you next week, at which time we will follow our previous schedule and delve into the childhood memories Zeke pried out of you.”
Sue stood, accepted her journal from the doctor, and left the room. Melvin smiled at her from the waiting area and rose to join her. As they walked to the parking lot, Sue wondered nervously just how much Dr. Camden really knew about her inner mind. It was exhausting sometimes, keeping track of what was acceptable to reveal and what was not. She had to be so careful.
“I need caffeine,” she told Melvin as they got into the car. “Lots of it.”
“I could use a little boost, too. We’ll stop somewhere on the way.”
“I’m so glad my therapist takes evening appointments. I’d hate to have to miss work for this crap.” She stared out the window at the shoots of green sprouting here and there. Spring was usually her favorite time of year, but summer followed. And summer was when she’d met Zeke.
Melvin glanced at her. He seemed unsure if he should say anything. Sometimes she fairly danced out of her appointments, happy and optimistic. Other times she exited in a somber mood, withdrawn and uncommunicative. There was also the possibility that she might snap at him no matter what he said. He remained silent.
“Don’t pay any attention to me, Melvin. I’ll feel better once I get something to drink and maybe a bite to eat. I’m just tired.” She marveled at how time passed. It had been almost a year since Zeke came into her life and demolished it. Almost a year. And where was he now?
Chapter 27
In the middle of April, another woman went missing. She lived in a rural district outside of Nashville. Sue remembered the terrifying incident in a crumbling tenement somewhere inside that city months earlier. Zeke had tied her to a chair. She shuddered at the memory and quickly shut it down, focusing instead on the information in the article.
This one was quite detailed, hats off to the journalist. Connie Lucas, age thirty-eight, stout, ordinary-looking, short black hair, glasses, and wearing a wholesome expression in the photograph provided to the newspaper. A farmer’s wife. Stable, solid, predictable. Not prone to irrational or spontaneous actions. Yet, apparently she walked away from her home in the middle of a sewing project, the fabric pinned beneath the presser foot of her Singer, the cord of her iron still dangling from the electrical outlet. “Connie never leaves her iron plugged in,” the distraught husband told reporters. “She wouldn’t do that. Something’s wrong. Something or someone took her by surprise.” When he returned from chores that day, he’d found the front door unlocked, gaping open, and Connie’s car parked in the driveway like always. No signs of a struggle. No clue where she’d gone.
After printing the report, Sue added it to her file. Zeke’s sickness seemed to be escalating, just like it had with her. He was taking his time traveling, but Zeke was definitely getting closer. Closer each day.
“Almost as tall as me, willowy. Auburn hair, really pale skin. She’s pretty. Not in a striking way like you...” He gave Sue a sidelong glance. “But in a quiet way. You don’t even notice it at first. You have to be around her for a while, see her smile, hear the way she talks. Then you see it. Anyway, we had some of the same classes; that’s how we met.”
“So, did you get along pretty well?”
“Yes, I thought so. I was very comfortable with her. We were comfortable with each other.”
“Wow, comfortable,” Sue teased. “That sounds more like a pair of slippers than a relationship.”
“I guess.” Melvin gave a half smile.
Sue grew serious. “But it hurt pretty badly when you broke up, huh?”
“I was kind of expecting it by the time it finally happened. Our communications dwindled; calls came less frequently, same with emails. So I guess I suffered the hurt in installments over a few months time as things just sort of fell apart.”
“How’d she tell you? Or did you find out from somebody else?”
“She was direct about it. Called me up. Said she had feelings for another guy, strong ones, and that made her realize that what we had was basically a ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing. There was no future for us.”
“Ouch.”
“That’s the way it goes sometimes.” He filled his mouth with popcorn and chewed vigorously, cutting off further discussion for the moment.
Sue watched his jaw move, noticed his eyes roaming the room, looking anywhere but at her, sensed his vulnerability. A tender feeling bloomed inside her and she had the sudden impulse to reach out and touch his face. It was fleeting, there and gone within seconds.
Melvin seemed uneasy with her scrutiny. He swallowed hard and guzzled his soda. Finally he looked directly at her. “What?”
“Let me ask you something.” Sue’s face was unreadable. “Are you comfortable with me?”
Melvin had the look of a man who just perceived a trap in his path, a particularly tricky one. He could think of no good response. If he said yes, that might be construed as an insult. If he said no, it could have the same result. He carefully placed his soda can on the table. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Just tell the truth. You’re big on honesty.”
“You make that sound like a negative instead of a positive.” He sighed as if about to tackle an unpleasant task. “Okay. The true answer is yes and no.”
Sue regarded him with a twinkle in her eye. “Explain.”
“I enjoy being around you but I’m not comfortable with you.”
“Why’s that?” His answer hadn’t really surprised her. She knew she’d been difficult at times.
“I’d rather not get into it, at least not now.”
“That’s mysterious.”
He gave her a slight smile. “That’s me. Man of mystery.”
“Hmm. Well, I’m not sure about all that, but I’ll let it slide. Want to watch some TV?”
“Sure.” Melvin leaned back, settling in as Sue flipped through the channels, finally settling on an action movie. The rest of the night, they stayed away from weighty subjects. At ten till twelve, Melvin put on his coat and left. Sue locked the door behind him.
Though she really didn’t expect much to happen, she had trouble relaxing. She rushed through her bedtime routine and put on warm pajamas and slippers. Even knowing Melvin was only a few yards away, she felt alone. She slipped her arms into a fleece robe and huddled on the sofa in the dark. The ring of her cell phone startled her. It was probably Melvin and she wondered why he would compromise his position.
Grabbing her phone, she checked the number. Didn’t recognize it. “Hello.”
A harsh whisper sounded in her ear. “Want some company?”
Her first reaction was to throw the phone away and she gave in to the impulse. It landed unharmed on the carpet. She stared at it as if it might come to life and attack her. Then she came to her senses and scrambled to the floor. Snatching the phone, she said, “Hello? Are you still there?”
“I’m here, baby.”
Her heart fluttered in her chest. “Who is this?”
“Did you like the letter?”
A chill passed over Sue. “What letter?” She chewed on her lip, crept to the door, and peered out the curtain. She couldn’t see Melvin, but she wouldn’t. He was wearing dark clothes, hiding.
“You’re so cute, playing hard to get. We both know that’s an act, don’t we?”
There was something almost familiar in his intonation. If he’d only speak louder, she might be able to place his voice.
“What do you want?”
“I told you in the letter what I want. And I think you want it, too.”
Clenching her teeth to keep them from chattering, Sue tried to sound normal. “Well, do you want to meet somewhere or something?” She was pleased to come up with this plan on the spur of the moment.
“That’s more like it,” he purred. “I’ll be right in.”
“What? You’re here?”
“I’m close.”
“Like how close? In the same town?”
“You might say I’m in the neighborhood.”
Sue covered her mouth with her hand and held back her panic. She listened to him breathe for a few seconds, then asked, “Can you see my house from where you are?”
He laughed softly. “Clear as can be.”
“You’re outside now?”
“That’s right. I can be in there with you in a...”
Sounds of a scuffle came through speaker and the unmistakable sound of a phone being dropped. Then Sue could hear another voice but couldn’t make out the words. Still she knew who it was. Melvin!
Disconnecting, she tossed her phone on the chair, ran to the door, and threw it open. Flipping on the porch light, she stepped outside and looked around. Under her living room window, just outside the circle of light, she could make out two dark figures. “Melvin, is that you?”
There was a thud followed by a couple of grunts, then the sound of Melvin’s breathless voice. “Call the police, Sue.”
She dashed inside, dialed 911, and reported that a friend of hers had caught an intruder and needed help. After giving her address, she dug her flashlight out of a drawer and flew back outside. Revealed in the flashlight beam was a man in dark clothes and ski mask leaning with both hands against the side of the house. Standing behind him, brandishing a gun, was Melvin. “We got him! That’s him! I heard him call you. Then I watched him go up to the window and try to see inside.”
The prowler groaned and reached for his head.
“Hey!” Melvin pushed him roughly in the middle of his back. “Keep those hands on the wall, freak. Don’t make me shoot you.”
The man pressed his hands against the wall again. He seemed to weave a little.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Probably has a headache. I might have hit him a little too hard. But he’ll survive.”
Sirens sounded and grew closer.
“Have a heart, buddy,” the man spoke. “Let me go and I promise to leave her alone. We don’t need to get the cops involved here. It was an honest mistake; I just misread her signals, that’s all. Could happen to anybody.”
Sue froze. “Martin?” She shone the light near the eyeholes in the mask, then turned her gaze to Melvin. “I think that’s Martin! The head bartender from the country club.”
Two police cruisers raced down the street. One skidded into the driveway while the other slid to a stop at an angle in the street.
“Ah, son-of-a-bitch.” Martin hung his head between his outstretched arms. “I swear, I have the worst fucking luck in the world.”
The police took Martin into custody and questioned everyone involved. They finally drove away. Sue was too shaken to relax, but Melvin sank into the sofa and leaned his head back. He and Sue had been over the event several times by then and he was fading fast. It was nearing two a.m. when Sue grew tired of waiting and called the police station. She asked to speak to someone about her case and was transferred to Detective Sanders.
“It’s Sue Cox. I’m surprised you’re there at this hour!”
“Goes along with the job. I was going to wait a few hours to call you.”
“So you’ve talked to Martin? What did you find out?”
“Well, after a bit of dancing around, he finally admitted to the letter and the valentine. He denied the flowers or mailing you the poem. He also denied ever being inside your apartment.”
“Do you believe him?” Sue held her breath and gazed at Melvin who had dozed off on the sofa.
“Not really, although we didn’t pick up his prints in your house.” She paused before adding, “He also confessed to keying Melvin’s car, something that was never reported to the police.”
Sue jostled Melvin’s shoulder and he opened his eyes. Holding the phone away from her mouth, she asked, “Did you know your car had been keyed?”
He shook his head. Grabbing his coat, he hurried outside to check.
Sue put the phone to her mouth again. “So what now?”
“We charge him. He gets a lawyer, appears before the judge, and gets released. A hearing date will be set. He’ll probably get probation; he has no priors. If he bothers you again, call us and he’ll go back to jail. At any rate, it looks like your stalker is out of business.”
“God, I hope so.”
Sue hung up as Melvin returned. “How bad is it?” she asked.
“It runs along the back fender. Just a skinny line, not that bad.”
“I’m sorry it happened.”
“Not your fault, Sue. Don’t worry about it.”
Sue regarded Melvin for a moment. His eyes were drooping again.
“Lie down,” she said.
He stretched out on the sofa and she spread a blanket over him. She flipped off the light and tiptoed to her room.
The excitement was over but her emotions had been yanked in so many directions, she felt frazzled. It hadn’t been Zeke after all. But her mind could not entirely accept this conclusion. Who left the flowers and sent the poem? Someone else was out there. Maybe even watching the house right now. Sue shuddered and went into her bedroom. She got little sleep.
Chapter 26
Dr. Camden read several pages of Sue’s journal, closed the book quietly, and laid it on the table next to her. “I see you’re still having doubts as to your culpability in the events that took place with Zeke. Tell me about the guilt you feel,” the doctor said.
“What makes you think I feel guilty about anything?”
“I’m basing it on what I just read and some things you’ve said so far today.”
Sue’s eyes flashed a challenge, but inside she surrendered to the truth and grew defensive. “Look, I admit I did some really bad stuff, but the guilt belongs to Zeke, not me. We’ve already been over the remorse I have over breaking into Doris’s house, and over the part I played in Brenda’s death. You’ve helped me understand that I was only trying to stay alive at that point. ”
Dr. Camden gazed at her calmly, waiting.
“And yes, I feel a lot of shame over the sexual situations Zeke got me into, if that’s what you’re talking about. But I think I’ve come to terms with a lot of that.” Not really. “So what guilt?”
“You tell me.”
Sue’s resistance crumbled. “Okay, okay. You’re right, damn it. Along with everything else, I still feel so much guilt. For a number of reasons. Here’s one little thing I never told you. It’s about the case against Zeke. You know, I can see his face in my mind, so clearly. But when I tried to describe it to the police artist, I couldn’t get it right. Every adjustment he made to the sketch of Zeke was wrong. Either the nose was too thin or it was too wide. His eyes...the look of them just couldn’t be captured. Zeke’s eyes are electric and compelling, almost hypnotic. And his smile is dazzling. Nothing the artist did came close to the real thing. So the drawing they ended up with doesn’t even look like Zeke. It won’t help them find him and I told them so.”
“Did you give it your best shot?”
“Of course!” Sue’s face heated. “Do you think I’d deliberately mislead them?”
“I’m not suggesting that at all. I’m just asking you to explore the question.”
Sue chewed the corner of her fingernail, thinking. “It’s crazy to feel guilty about the sketch then, is that what you’re saying? Because I did try?”
The doctor said nothing, allowed Sue to sort out the implications.
“That’s it then. I did everything I could to help the police. So it’s not my fault if they haven’t caught him yet.”
“How could it be your fault?”
“It couldn’t.” Sue experienced a few uncomfortable twinges as she pictured the growing file hidden in her bedroom and the secrets she wrote in her second journal. She shifted the subject slightly. “I sometimes hate myself for not hating him more.”
“Do you hate him?”
“I despise him. He’s a sadistic psycho. He messed my life up so badly.” Her chest rose and fell with her angst. “But he didn’t do it alone. I helped him. I went along. Some of the things he told me, even in the beginning, I should have recognized as lies. I just wanted so much for them to be true. I let myself believe and I let myself be led. How pathetic is that? How pathetic am I?”
“So you blame yourself for what happened?”
“Yes.” Sue exhaled, filled with sudden relief. “That’s it exactly. I am angry at myself for the part I played in my own destruction. I am the...the instrument of my own misery, in a way.” She looked at the doctor with puzzlement in her eyes. “Which is worse, Doctor? Being stupid or being pathetic?”
“You are neither, Sue.” Dr. Camden gave her a gentle smile. “You’re a very bright young woman who made the wrong choice. Everyone makes mistakes, even the most brilliant minds on earth. Do you think you are going to be the only human being in history to have a lapse in judgment? The only person to feel vulnerable? The one and only person who isn’t allowed to screw up? We’ve covered this concept pretty extensively already. Let’s take a closer look at this; something else is at work here, Sue.”
Surprise registered on her face. “Really? What’s that?”
“The self-loathing is serving a purpose today, although it’s not readily apparent. It’s protecting you from something you perceive as worse by comparison.” The doctor shifted in her chair, set the notes aside. “Originally we had planned on discussing those childhood incidents we touched on last time. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” Sue sighed deeply. “I forgot about that.”
“You didn’t forget.”
Sue’s mind seemed to clear at that remark. Sometimes she resented Dr. Camden and her unusually accurate insights. Still, she admitted nothing.
The doctor continued, “Guilt, or even shame, can throw up quite a roadblock. I know some of our sessions are painful, Sue. But that’s part of the process; weeding out those old memories, looking at them under the light of your adult perspective, and coming to new understandings and acceptance. But it can wait a little longer.” She stood, indicating an end to the session. “I think you’re making fine progress. Keep writing in your journal and I’ll see you next week, at which time we will follow our previous schedule and delve into the childhood memories Zeke pried out of you.”
Sue stood, accepted her journal from the doctor, and left the room. Melvin smiled at her from the waiting area and rose to join her. As they walked to the parking lot, Sue wondered nervously just how much Dr. Camden really knew about her inner mind. It was exhausting sometimes, keeping track of what was acceptable to reveal and what was not. She had to be so careful.
“I need caffeine,” she told Melvin as they got into the car. “Lots of it.”
“I could use a little boost, too. We’ll stop somewhere on the way.”
“I’m so glad my therapist takes evening appointments. I’d hate to have to miss work for this crap.” She stared out the window at the shoots of green sprouting here and there. Spring was usually her favorite time of year, but summer followed. And summer was when she’d met Zeke.
Melvin glanced at her. He seemed unsure if he should say anything. Sometimes she fairly danced out of her appointments, happy and optimistic. Other times she exited in a somber mood, withdrawn and uncommunicative. There was also the possibility that she might snap at him no matter what he said. He remained silent.
“Don’t pay any attention to me, Melvin. I’ll feel better once I get something to drink and maybe a bite to eat. I’m just tired.” She marveled at how time passed. It had been almost a year since Zeke came into her life and demolished it. Almost a year. And where was he now?
Chapter 27
In the middle of April, another woman went missing. She lived in a rural district outside of Nashville. Sue remembered the terrifying incident in a crumbling tenement somewhere inside that city months earlier. Zeke had tied her to a chair. She shuddered at the memory and quickly shut it down, focusing instead on the information in the article.
This one was quite detailed, hats off to the journalist. Connie Lucas, age thirty-eight, stout, ordinary-looking, short black hair, glasses, and wearing a wholesome expression in the photograph provided to the newspaper. A farmer’s wife. Stable, solid, predictable. Not prone to irrational or spontaneous actions. Yet, apparently she walked away from her home in the middle of a sewing project, the fabric pinned beneath the presser foot of her Singer, the cord of her iron still dangling from the electrical outlet. “Connie never leaves her iron plugged in,” the distraught husband told reporters. “She wouldn’t do that. Something’s wrong. Something or someone took her by surprise.” When he returned from chores that day, he’d found the front door unlocked, gaping open, and Connie’s car parked in the driveway like always. No signs of a struggle. No clue where she’d gone.
After printing the report, Sue added it to her file. Zeke’s sickness seemed to be escalating, just like it had with her. He was taking his time traveling, but Zeke was definitely getting closer. Closer each day.
