Illicit Desires (The Illicit Series Book 1), page 11
"It's not true!" I swallowed thickly. "I don't want it," I whispered. I felt a little lightheaded as the back of his hand traveled down to touch my throat softly.
"You kissed me back," he said softly, his hand still touching my neck slowly. "Every time I kissed you, you kissed me back."
I opened my eyes lazily to look at his face. He was watching me closely, his face just an inch away from mine.
"I didn't know what else to do." I was pretty sure that he wouldn't have heard me if he wasn't so close.
"Don't deny us this, Lily," he whispered. "We could be something really good; don't deny us the happiness we would both feel."
I couldn't open my eyes anymore; his words, his breath on my cheek, his hand…
Oh God! His hand! Too much!
His hand surrounded the side of my neck, and he brought me even closer with it, then his lips were firmly pressed to mine. He kissed my lower lip first, then pressed another soft yet so passionate kiss on my upper one, then tugged on my lower lip with both of his lips. I felt his tongue as it ever so slowly made a swift lick over my lips.
His tongue pushed its way inside my mouth, and I let him explore. I won't lie, it felt amazingly good! And so wrongly right!
I didn't know that he was pushing me slightly into lying down on the bed until my back hit the mattress – and Adrian was on top of me.
"Adrian!" I breathed once he left my mouth to move down my throat and collarbone. I didn't know what I wanted to say, but it felt good to say his name. I think he agreed, too, because I was pretty sure I heard a low groan escaping his mouth and into my neck.
His other hand — the one that wasn't still on my neck with its thumb rubbing my jaw line softly — made it to the hem of my small tank top. I felt his fingertips touching the bare skin between my waistband and the start of my top ever so slowly, ever so carefully, ever so wonderfully.
My head was spinning as I felt his hot breaths on my neck. My hands, as if they had a mind of their own, made it to his hair. I pressed him more into my neck as my fingers buried themselves deep into the mess of his hair.
"I can make you feel so good," he breathed into my ear. "Just tell me you want it, too."
I wasn't in any state of thinking clearly by that time, feeling the softness of his voice, feeling his hot breaths, and the sound of his words. Too freaking much!
His hand made it to my right breast from under my top, and both of us moaned as he squeezed it—hard. I saw …I didn’t know … something really good that I couldn't even name firing behind my closed lids.
"Oh, God!" I gasped when he brushed his thumb over my nipple.
"That's right, baby," he whispered.
And that was my wake-up call. I didn't know where I got the power from, but I pushed him off of me, feeling the loss immediately.
"We can't!" I panted as I sat up on the edge of the bed, looking at the floor.
I heard him huffing.
A few moments later, our breathing became steadier. He was still sitting behind me on the bed, then I felt him get up to kneel in front of me.
He took my hands in his, softly this time, brought them to his lips and kissed them, one little kiss on each one. "Why can't we?" he asked calmly.
"You have a girlfriend!" It was the best I could come up with.
"I'll break up with her— tonight if that's what you want," he replied simply.
"I don't care …"
Even though I really do!
"Why we can't then, little sister?"
"Because of just that, Adrian! I'm your sister."
"But we both want more."
"No, Adrian! Not me! I don't want that! I don't feel like that about you; you're my brother!"
He shook his head and released my hands, then he moved both of his hands through his hair in frustration. Moments later he stood up, and I thought he was going to leave, but he had other plans for me.
Both of his hands held my jaw and forced me to look at him. My own hands came up to the hands that were gripping my jaw, trying to release it, but all my tries were in vain, as he was holding it too firmly.
"I think I said more than one fucking time, stop with the fucking denial!"
"Let go!" I tried to pull his hand away, but nothing.
"Remember the way your tongue licked my fingers yesterday? Huh? What was that? Were you trying to seduce me or not? Huh?"
I didn't! Did I?
"Remember that hug in the bathroom, little sister?" he growled. "The night I told you I was going to fuck Emma, huh?"
Even with the shock I was in from Adrian's actions, I still had it in me to cringe at the sound of his words.
"Answer me!" he demanded and pressed more on my jaw.
"Yes!" My voice was nothing but a choked whisper.
"What was that about? Huh? And don't fucking give me the 'hugging you good luck' bullshit, because I don't buy it!"
"I—uh, I wanted to do something for you to remember me with while you were with her," I blurted out.
Oh, no! What did I just say?
He froze for a moment, his eyes staring right into mine, then he spoke again.
"Is that so, little sister?" he sneered, then he let go of my jaw. I rubbed where his hands were – it kind of hurt! "Then I'll give you something really good for you to remember me with." He took off his shirt.
Before I even got the chance to think, I was on my back, both of my hands held with one of his behind my head , not forcibly – I could easy loosen his grip on them if I wanted to – but with enough pressure to keep them in place. He was on top of me, his weight pinning me to the bed.
He was kissing all over my face and neck like a crazy person, while his other hand was holding my breast.
"Tell me to stop, Lily." He challenged, "Tell me to stop and I will."
But I couldn't say it, I didn't know why. Maybe I was enjoying it, and the thought of it being something I enjoyed disgusted me. But I still said nothing.
"Adrian!" I gasped at the sensation. I couldn't believe that he was actually doing this. He didn't reply, instead he moved the hand that was holding my breast to my leg, hooked it over his back and ground his erection into my center.
I couldn't help but let out a small moan as the friction he created hit me just in the right spot. His grip on my wrists tightened even more at the sound of my moan, and his wet kisses became more frantic, yet I knew I should say something to stop it.
"See? You want me, little sister, you just won't admit it!" he groaned into the top of my breasts.
"I. Don't. Want. It." I said through clenched teeth.
He stopped for a second, one hand still holding my wrists, and his other one still squeezing the back of my thigh while holding it still over his back. He stared right into my eyes.
"Are you telling me that if I touched that sweet little kitten of yours I wouldn't find it wet and waiting?" he asked. His hand started to travel the short way to my womanhood! I hated it.
It felt so disgusting to hear those words from him. In one second I got the strength to do what I knew I could do, but didn't want to, because I hated to hurt him – though he had it coming!
The leg that was trapped between his made its way to his crotch, where I hit him hard with my knee.
He groaned loudly and winced as he rolled off of me. The sound broke my heart, hearing him in pain that I caused, but I couldn't just lie there and let him do that or speak that way to me without me doing anything about it!
"Fucking asshole!" I yelled as I got out of the bed. My voice was cracking and it was so obvious that I was hurt, though I didn't know what hurt me the most –what Adrian did, or the fact that I'd hurt him.
I made it to the door of my room, and as I was walking I was kind of grateful that he didn't touch me down there. I couldn't handle the humiliation of him discovering how wet I really was. It was so wrong. I found that my door was locked from the inside, and I couldn't help but wonder if he just really wanted only to talk and things
Tears started to stream down my cheeks as I closed the door behind me, still hearing his curses and moans of agony and pain, not really knowing what I was crying for – it just felt the right thing to do.
In the guest bathroom, I cried some more for God only knows what, then I washed my face and left, glad to remember that Mom had plans for the day and had probably left long ago before I even woke up. Or before Adrian woke me up to be clearer.
I silently prayed with everything in me that he wouldn't still be in my room when I made it back upstairs. I didn't know how I would act if he was.
He wasn't. With a sigh of relief, I locked my door behind me, then went into the bathroom and locked his bathroom door as well. I needed a long time to think…
I was being a bitch and I knew it, I should have just told him to stop without hurting him, but I was so confused and mad. Maybe at myself more than at him. Mad at him for touching me, and mad at myself for liking it and not stopping it when I was able to.
Two weeks had passed since – that day, apparently the not-speaking-to-each-other thing was what we did best.
We spent the whole day at Sean and Sandra's house, since it was the last night for all of us together before Sean had to leave for college. Julia was his same age, but she missed a whole year of school before she moved to Seattle with her family. Something bad had happened to her that I hated to even think about which caused her to spend a long time recovering. They all ended up moving here for her sake.
It was pretty clear that she wasn't completely okay with him leaving her. They cared so much about each other, but he kept on assuring her that he'd come home whenever he could, which still wasn't good enough thinking about how far New York was, but, eh, he'd get to play football on the college team and Julia had to swallow it for his sake. She was happy for him, but the distance hurts – her words not mine.
The sound of my name startled me from my thoughts, and I looked up from the floor to Elliot. "Truth or dare?" he asked.
"Truth," I said. We were playing Truth or Dare. I didn't know who the idiot was who suggested it, but we were bored stupid to be honest, plus Sean and Julia really had to have some distraction for them to take their hands off of each other.
"Who did you share your first kiss with?" Elliot asked from the small paper in his hands.
My stupid luck! "Uh… I-I've never been kissed!" I blushed as I replied in a quiet voice, glancing at Adrian to see him not looking at me, though he was clenching his jaw tightly.
Like I can say it was Adrian!
"Ian!" I said after a long pause of uncomfortable silence, trying to get the game going and for the all of them to think about something other than the fact that I was almost eighteen and had never been kissed.
If they only knew the ugly truth! Not that I was going to enlighten them by any means, of course!
He looked up at me. "Truth or dare?"
"I'll take a dare!" he answered with pride.
Okay… This is going to be interesting!
I picked up a small paper from the "Dare" pot and opened it. To my surprise it was in Ian's horrible handwriting. I shook my head as I read it, and then I tried to cover my smile as I read it out loud.
"Go ask the neighbors for some salt, wearing only a bra and a short skirt!" I said and the rest busted out laughing while Ian stared at me with wide eyes. Knowing what a pervert he was, I was pretty sure that he meant the dare for one of the girls to do, but karma was a cruel B.
"I'll take a truth!" he blurted out, and it sent everyone in a new round of laughter.
"Too late, bro!" Sean said through his laughs.
"I'm not gonna wear a bra!"
"Don't forget the skirt!" Elliot laughed.
"Shut up, dick!"
"Guys, c'mon, just ask him a question, Lily, and let's get it over with." Julia whined.
"Okay," I picked another paper, from the Truth pot this time.
"Have you ever had sex in public?" I asked, and blushed again.
Ian's whole face lit up with a huge grin. What a pervert! "Hell, yes! I stopped counting after the hundredth time, babe," he winked.
"Pig!" Sandra murmured and he laughed.
"Sandra!" Ian said and she glared at him.
"Truth." she said without waiting for him to ask.
"Who did you lose your virginity to?" he asked with a smirk.
Sandra turned around – as she was leaning her back on Elliot's chest since we were all sitting on the floor in a circle – and kissed him. They looked so sweet together.
"I'll lose it to Elliot, but we're just waiting for the right time." she replied with a smile. I saw Sean rubbing his forehead, clearly not comfortable hearing this, but he sucked it up.
"Julia!" Sandra smiled. "Truth or Dare?"
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" Sandra asked, and I guess it was without thinking.
Oh, crap! "Oh, my God!" Sandra gushed. "I'm so sorry, Julia, I wasn't thinking!" I think Sandra was about to cry.
"It's okay," Julia said in a low voice. Sean kissed the top of her head and rubbed her arm soothingly. "I think you all know the answer already."
"Shhh, honey! I love you!" Sean kissed the top of her head again.
"Adrian!" Julia called, ending another awkward silence. "Truth or Dare?"
"Dare!" he said. He had been asking for dares over and over again, nonstop.
"Make out with your sibling, using tongues!" Julia read with a disgusted expression.
Oh, no! "Who's the sick fuck who wrote this?" Sean yelled and took the paper from her.
I think I have a pretty good idea!
"Capitals!" he said, apparently 'the one' who wrote it was trying to hide who he was.
"Ian!" Elliot said.
"What?! Don't look at me! I didn't!" he laughed.
"You're the only one who wouldn't be hurt from it, idiot!" Julia said, and he laughed some more.
"Yes, true! If it went to any of the siblings in here, it'd hurt four people not just one – well, three in our case since Lily doesn't have a boyfriend and all," Emma noted. Yes, rub it right in my face, you stupid thing!
Everyone was pointing a finger at Ian but he was just laughing. It didn't go unnoticed by me that Adrian and I were the only ones not protesting, and that he was giving me side glances every now and then as they fought.
"I'm not gonna do it, would you all just shut up!" I yelled, sending them all into silence as they stared at me. "This game sucks!" I stood up and walked away to sit in front of the TV.
A while later Ian came and out of nowhere he kissed me a lightly on the lips. “Now you’ll never have to say, 'I've never been kissed before,’ again.” I think he thought of me as a charity case, but before I knew what happened, Adrian shoved him to the floor and off of me. Everyone started yelling and screaming, and Ian kept on telling him to calm down and chill because it meant nothing.
When it was time to say goodbye to Sean at the airport, I looked at Sean and Julia as they said their goodbyes. They kissed so sweetly through their tears, and he whispered some things in her ear that made her smile sadly at him.
It was heartbreaking to look at them, and so sweet at the same time. I couldn't help but think how thankful I was that Adrian and I were the same age, and we wouldn't have to face something like that. I couldn't help but feel a big ache in my chest to imagine that we could ever be separated like that someday.
I was thinking that way about my brother, not my lover or even my boyfriend.
Was that normal?!
Adrian took every chance he had to make my blood boil in my veins with jealousy. He kissed Emma in front of me more times than I had hairs on my head. And I wasn't talking about chaste kisses, I was taking about sloppy ones, with tongues, groping and even some under-the-clothes actions.
I hated him!
But, could I do
My life was boring; he wasn't talking to me whatsoever. I tried once to talk to him, asking him politely to pass me the milk as we were having breakfast a few days ago, but he simply showed me his middle finger without even looking at me.
I hated it!
It seemed like the only thing Julia could do lately was cry because she was missing Sean so much. Not even a week had passed yet since he left for college, though she made it sound like two hundred years or something.
I hated that!
Sandra kept talking only about Elliot and how happy she was with him and… ugh! My head hurt just thinking about it! Don't get me wrong; I loved to see how happy they both were with each other, but it was just another reminder for me about what I couldn't have.
And… I hate this!
I never thought the day I would ask Sandra to take me shopping would ever come, but apparently it actually happened. I, Lillian Claire Smith, asked the mighty fashion-freak Sandra Jean Moore to take me shopping. That had never happened before, and I mean never.
Sandra always dragged me against my will to the mall with her, where I ended up with a headache and swollen feet. But that seemed preferable to staying home with Julia, to pat her hand every two seconds so she would stop crying. Or to going out with Elliot when Sandra was busy doing some new thing with her hair, and hearing him go on about how much he loved Sandra and how he was so sure she was the one. I mean, okay, I get it, would you just shut up?
I was even tired of hearing the broken CD that Ian played every single time he saw a girl. It was actually boring, and I had no idea how girls fell for the crappy lines that he picked up from old movies!
And things got a little awkward between the two of us after he kissed me. I didn't know why he'd been acting all weird around me; it was just a little kiss, for God's sake! A little kiss that actually ended the same moment it started. And let's not forget that it was for charity, so why all the fuss? Was it possible that he liked me?
Anyway, I bought some new clothes for the new school. I was so excited to go back to school the next day and finally find something to do with my stupid, boring life.
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