Life of Debauchery Duet MASTER, page 28
Over the last month and a half, so much had changed between us. I showed Journey the ins and outs of my life, leaving out the rabbit hole I prayed not to fall down again. Except, I didn’t fiend for drugs. However, booze…
That was a much different story.
Mind over matter, I was stronger than whiskey.
Repeating it to myself every fuckin’ day. I didn’t think I had a problem until time proved me wrong. I thought I could do it on my own, but I was mistaken yet again.
By day three of not drinking, I had to tell the boys. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I was throwing up behind closed doors. Unable to sleep for the life of me, profusely sweating through my clothes. I couldn’t concentrate, my head was pounding, and over-the-counter medicine was bullshit, not helping a damn thing.
Out of left field, I was slapped in the face with all these symptoms I never thought would occur in the first place. Making it extremely difficult to hide them from Journey.
Thank fuck we had people who handled this sort of shit. I was able to sneak in some medical detox without her knowing. Popping a few prescribed pills was my saving grace, helping ease the symptoms and anxiety. I hadn’t sipped a lick of alcohol since we’d left Oak Island.
I’d be a lying sack of shit if I said I didn’t want to. I did. Every day was a struggle. When the cravings became too much, I’d make myself remember the expression on Journey’s face when she looked into my eyes.
Hope.
I saw what she did, gazing into the mirror.
Clear eyes.
No bags.
Sober.
A much different man stared back at me. Sometimes, it was as if I was seeing a ghost.
“No, silly. I have another notebook for that,” Journey explained, dragging me away from my thoughts.
I did this often. Reflecting on when I got lost and praying I was finally found.
“Then what’s in there?” I asked, trying to stay in the present with her.
She shrugged. “My whole world.”
I narrowed my eyes, not understanding.
“You mean you didn’t snoop around my backpack when you found my bucket list?”
I grinned again. “Figured me out, yeah?”
She nodded.
“Damn, I thought I was bein’ all smooth.”
“You were at first.”
“What gave me away?”
“The Chevelle. That was way too precise for you to just guess.”
I gave her a curt nod. “Just so we’re clear, I wasn’t roamin’ around in your shit. Jamie needed your driver’s license to add you to our approval lists, and you were takin’ five fuckin’ years in the bathroom. Redesignin’ your clothes or some shit. The paper fell out of your wallet, so I kept it in mine instead.”
“Why?”
I pulled her on top of me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Sitting her on my lap, I rubbed my nose against hers and kissed her deeply.
“’Cuz your wish is my command.”
I wouldn’t stop until everything on her bucket list was checked off. Giving me positive tasks to focus on other than feeling like something was still missing in my life. I had everything I’d ever wanted now that she was here with me. I thought her presence would make the demons go away.
It didn’t.
Sober life only heightened the motherfuckers.
I wanted to make all her dreams come true, including being the man she deserved. Whether I deserved her was still up for discussion.
“That’s quite a list you got there,” I spoke the truth.
“I’ve been adding to it since I was a little girl. Do you have a bucket list?”
“You are my bucket list.”
She smirked, pursing her perfect pink lips. We were closer than ever, spending every waking second together. We hadn’t moved past kissing, knowing once I truly made her mine there would be no going back.
For me.
We were intimate in other ways that mattered more than sex. Journey was made for me.
End of story.
“Is that what you’ve always carried in your backpack?”
She nodded again, sucking in her bottom lip.
“A bunch of notebooks?”
“They’re more than just notebooks. They’re my journals. I’ve been writing in one since shortly after I learned how to spell my name. I carry them around with me everywhere I go.”
“Like I carry my guitar? It’s an extension of who you are.”
“I figured you’d understand.”
“You’ve always been smart, Junie. A lot fuckin’ smarter than me, that’s for damn sure.”
“You create music that speaks to people’s souls. Do you have any idea how incredible that is? Your music, your voice, your talent, heals people, Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw.”
“Junie, don’t cuss.”
“I’m serious. You have the power to turn someone’s day around. Do you know how special that is? All those legends you introduced me to when I was a little girl, guess what? You’re one of them. Do you ever take a second to realize who you are and what you mean to your fans? A moment to really take in the fact you’re an idol for millions of people all over the world?” She paused, allowing her words to sink in. “The way you’ve always felt about your role models is the same way people feel about you. You understand that, right?”
“Darlin’, you’re bein’ so sweet, it’s makin’ my teeth ache.”
“No.” She adamantly shook her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t make a joke out of what I’m telling you. Why does it make you so uncomfortable to talk about this?”
“I don’t know.”
“How do you see yourself, McGraw?”
“Junie, I’m just a man wit’ a guitar. All I’ve ever wanted to do was play music. Regardless if it was for one person or millions. It makes no difference to me. I write songs ’cuz I’ll go crazy if I don’t. I play my guitar ’cuz it’s the only thing I know how to do.”
“Then why did you want to become a rock star?”
“To prove everyone wrong. The money, the success, don’t get me wrong—it’s a beautiful thing, but if I didn’t have this life, I’d still be playin’ music on the side of the road. It’s simply who I am.”
I slid her off my lap and leaned forward on my knees. Wanting to change the subject. She crouched on the floor in front of me, grabbing the sides of my face.
“Who you are is an escape for millions of people. You’re their Johnny Cash, babe.”
“What else you got in there?” I nodded to her bag, silently pleading with her to let this go.
“Is this why you don’t do interviews?”
“Junie…”
“No, for real. You don’t like talking about yourself, do you?”
Silence.
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
“You don’t know how to take praise, Cash.”
“Alright, Dr. Pierce, are we through wit’ your analysis? I know I’m fucked up,” I snapped in a harsher tone than intended.
“Don’t get mad at me.”
I turned my face and kissed her hand, leaving my lips to linger. “I could never be mad at you.”
“I just want you to see what I do. What everyone sees in you. You’re not fucked up. You just think you are. I wish you could see yourself for who you really are.”
“Why?” I rubbed my mouth against her soft skin. “You see it for both of us.”
<>Journey<>
I yearned for him to see the truth beneath the lies he made up in his own head.
It broke my heart.
This was the perfect chance to say what he needed to hear more than ever before. Staring deep into his eyes, I held my heart out for him to take.
Declaring for the first time, “I love you, Johnny Cash McGraw.”
“Junie, Junie, Junie,” he whispered against my hand in an excruciating tone.
“I do. I love you. I’ve always loved you. Even before I knew what love was. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh—
it’s all I love. You are love. Do you hear me? I. Love. You.”
“Junie, Junie, Junie,” he repeated in the same agonizing voice, like it hurt him to hear those three words out of my mouth.
“This is love. Me. You. Us. That’s what love is. There you go, Cash, I finally showed you. And I’ll spend the rest of my life reminding you every day if I have to. Just so you know…” I spoke with conviction.
“You’re worthy of it.”
Chapter 17
“If they want to know me, they just have to read the lyrics.”
-George Michael
<>Journey<>
“Cash, where are you taking me?” I questioned, blindfolded in the back of an SUV.
“Darlin’, how many times ya gonna ask me that today?”
I woke up to him looking at me with a huge ass grin on his face, saying he had a surprise in store and I should get dressed and ready to go. I didn’t question it. I did as I was told. The second we stepped off his private plane, he blindfolded me.
After the tenth time asking, his response stayed the same. Answering a question with a question. It was all the information he’d willingly divulge. I wasn’t a fan of surprises, getting or giving them. I was the worst when it came down to it. This was pure and utter torture, and he was enjoying every last second of it.
It’d been two weeks since I told him I loved him, and two months since we’d been together. After Cash kissed me on stage and introduced me to the world, the press started following us everywhere we went. They were relentless in their pursuit to get a picture of the newest Hollywood couple. We were worthy of front-page news and a big ass paycheck. All because it was Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw and the NFL god Jackson Pierce’s little sister. I was surprised at how quick they put two-and-two together.
The headlines were all similar.
Life of Debauchery’s front man, Cash McGraw, was seen out with NFL quarterback’s younger sister, Journey Pierce.
It went from Trending Now to Breaking News in Music to Life of Debauchery is making the news yet again…
It was everywhere.
We were everywhere.
Perez Hilton
TMZ
On Air with Ryan Searmest
E! News
The Rolling Stones
Those were just to name a few. I couldn’t stand it, and I quickly understood why Cash didn’t either. They were annoying and never understood the meaning of the word no.
I swear the more we hid, the easier it was for them to find us. Cash decided it was best to hire more security to surround our perimeter and block out the vultures.
The question of the hour was if we were an item?
Cash found some interesting ways to respond. Down to personally emailing a photo of himself flipping off the camera with his other hand on his mouth, gesturing the symbol for going down on a girl. I was the proud photographer of that one.
His management had their work cut out for them, handling damage control from his latest antics. At least it wasn’t booze and drugs this time around.
The boys couldn’t help themselves, wanting to get in on the action as well. Playing along at any of the interviews to promote their tour and upcoming album.
Before I could text my mom to explain, she’d called me screaming in Spanish, asking me what the hell was going on. She was so loud, her tone angry, and I had to place my phone at a distance from my ear, making Cash break out in a fit of laughter. He didn’t understand why it always sounded like we were yelling at each other over the phone. I simply explained it was how we talked to one another.
“I promise to be a very, very good girl if you tell me where we’re going.”
“As much as I would love to see how far you’d take that promise, I still ain’t telling ya a damn thing.”
“Ugh! I hate surprises.”
“Obviously.”
“Cash, just give me a hint then.”
I felt his breath on my neck. “I’m gonna make you wet.” Kissing my pulse, he rasped, “Drippin’ fuckin’ wet.”
My breathing hitched, and my thighs clenched. Of course, he noticed, grinning against my skin. For the rest of the ride, mum was the word, but it didn’t stop my heart from beating a mile a minute with the anticipation of what was to come.
Where the hell were we going?
The ride started getting bumpy, and I began bouncing around the back seat until it finally came to a complete stop.
“Cash…” I coaxed, desperately wanting to yank off the cloth blocking my view.
“We’re here, sweet girl.” He opened the door. “I’m gonna grab your hand and throw you over my shoulder.”
“I can walk, you know.”
“Not when I can carry you in my arms.”
This man was frustrating and charming all at once. Grabbing onto his hand, I scooted out of the SUV only to be picked up before my feet hit the ground.
“You know, in books and movies the hero cradles the heroine in his arms. He doesn’t throw her over his shoulder like a barbarian.”
He smacked my ass, hard.
“Ouch!”
“Those guys are a bunch of pussies.”
“You should rub my cheeks and make it better.”
“Baby, don’t tempt me.”
The road he was walking down wasn’t much better than the car ride had been.
“Cash, what’s going on?”
“We’re almost there.”
“How much longer?”
“Junie, trust me. Stop bein’ impatient before I smack your ass harder next time.”
I sighed, reluctantly biting my tongue. With my head bouncing, I started counting his steps.
Twenty-five.
Fifty.
Ninety-five.
A hundred and fifty.
How could he carry me this long and not break a sweat or get out of breath?
Minutes later, I heard a familiar noise running through my eardrums. My head peeked up, hearing sounds much clearer.
“Oh. My. God.” I articulated each word, excitement taking over my body.” No, you didn’t!”
He chuckled, and I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
“You ready for your surprise, baby?”
“Yessssss!”
Gently, he placed me on the ground and untied my blindfold. The bright sun stung my eyes for a moment before they fluttered open.
“Cash,” I breathed out once my sight focused. Speechless by the breathtaking view in front of me.
A waterfall.
Governed by my emotions and wanting to live in the moment with him, I ran over to the edge of the water. Now it was my turn to surprise him.
<>Cash<>
I was doing this for her, but I was also doing it for myself. The look on Journey’s face was what music was made of. I’d willingly hand over everything I owned just to see that expression over and over for the rest of my life.
I watched as she ran to the edge of the water, thinking she was getting closer for a better view. Wanting to become one with the waterfall. A moment to herself to take it all in.
Never in a million years did I expect what happened next.
With her back facing me, she began pulling off her dress.
Nice and slow.
At first, I thought she was toying with me. Quickly showing me how wrong I was. Little by little, I crumbled to the ground while she revealed more of her creamy bare skin.
Swallowing the saliva that pooled in my mouth, I witnessed what she was doing with a predatory regard. Her silk nighties didn’t compare to this. I devoured every inch of the flesh she exposed for the first time.
I tried not to gawk, but fuck me … I couldn’t help it. From the back of her thighs, my eyes drank her in. The slim cotton fabric of her sundress went higher and higher until she was showing me her perfect luscious ass through the silk panties.
“Junie—”
Her narrow, slender waist was just as arousing, rendering me completely fuckin’ speechless. I’d seen thousands of women naked in front of me, however, nothing compared to the vision of Journey Pierce. She was petite but curvy in all the right places, and I was merely looking at the back of her body. Entirely consumed by the fact I was the first man to ever see her this way.
Only making me want her that much more.
When her dress was fully off, she shook out her long blonde hair, and it cascaded all the way down her back.
Fuck me.
I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly feeling dry as hell. The minute I saw her cup her tits, I knew I was done for. There would be no coming back from this.
Who was this confident woman before me?
“Baby—”
Her tantalizing bright blue eyes glanced back at me over her shoulder, and I couldn’t gather a fuckin’ thought. She was stunning with her hair flowing loosely around her gorgeous face. Although it was her eyes that captured my attention the most. I’d seen Journey in all forms.
A baby.
A little girl.
A woman.
Sad.
Happy.
Crying.
Now, there she was, proving to me she was all grown. Longing for me to see her in a new light, where she was the one in control. I had no idea how things escalated so quickly. Her demeanor took on a whole different persona, showing me a side of her I didn’t know existed.
Her eyes glazed over with a heady allure. Appearing alive and vibrant, thriving in my direction. Almost knocking me on my ass. My head spun with where she was going with this.
She smiled, reading my mind.
“Journey, what are ya—”
“You’ve read my bucket list, Cash McGraw. I think this is the perfect time to kill two birds with one stone. Don’t ya think?”
Before I could answer, the minx threw her dress in my direction. Leaving her only in untouched silk. Practically naked for me. She was lucky I rented out this entire park or I’d be losing my shit more than I already was.
Still, I found myself ordering, “Junie, put your dress back on.”
