Major demons, p.4

Major Demons, page 4


Major Demons

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  “If I agree to get it for you, I want it to pay off immediately.”

  “It will. I’ll train the demons in your army with the guns that we…”

  “Nope. Not what I had in mind. You’ll owe me a death debt. For every demon that we lose getting your stupid gun, you have to kill one in Nightmare’s army and another in Astaroth’s army. Neither of them can find out that it was you. Agreed?”

  “That’s insane.”

  “My bad, Aim. I thought I was talking to the best sniper in Hell.”

  “I can definitely do it, but how can I stop Nightmare and Astaroth from figuring it out?”

  “Not my problem. Do we have a deal?”

  Murmur held out his hand. Aim reluctantly shook it.


  “You’re going to have to give her to someone else at some point.”

  Lilith’s eyes flared white briefly.

  “Yeah? Try and take her from me.”

  “Hey now. I’m her dad… and you still haven’t let me hold her.”

  “You can hold her for thirty seconds. Then I want her back.”

  “That’s arbitrary. I want to carry her for the rest of the day.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be tracking down another nephilim? Stop making Gangrene do everything.”

  Leech briefly thought about reminding Lilith that she had made Gangrene and Raven run ridiculous errands for her and wait on her hand and foot for nine months but thought better of it.

  “You’re better at tracking the nephilim. I’ll hold Lucia while you sense where the next one is. Then I’ll give her back.”

  “You promise?”

  “Um… sure.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Good call. I wouldn’t believe me either.”

  Lilith laughed and handed over the baby. Leech smiled down at his new daughter.

  “Alright but as soon as we know where we’re going, I want her back.”

  “You can have her back when she craps herself.”

  “So you’re saying you’re cool with my thirty second time limit then?”

  “Just find us a nephilim… or continue to banter with me. I’ll take the delay.”

  Lilith stomped back into her tent and tried to sense a nearby nephilim. As she was trying to focus, Raven entered the tent.

  “I want to hold the baby and so does Gangrene.”

  Gangrene yelled from outside.

  “No he doesn’t. Gangrene really doesn’t care.”

  Raven yelled back out at him.

  “Yes you do. Shut up.”

  “I don’t have Lucia right now. Leech does. Go bother him. I’m trying to find a nephilim to hunt.”

  “Can I help?”

  “I’m not sure. I really don’t know how it works. I just know that I’ve been able to sometimes sense other nephilim around me. I’m not getting anything right now though.”

  Raven and Lilith turned to the front of the tent where a crow hopped through the opening and dropped a scroll in front of Lilith. Lilith leaned down and patted the crow on the head.

  “Muan, I know that’s you. You’re safe here. Go ahead and change back.”

  Muan changed back into his demon form.

  “Hello ladies. How are things?”

  Raven stared wide-eyed at Muan.

  “I had no idea that Muan could be such an adorable little bird. Change back.”

  “That’s not why I’m here.”

  “Come on, Muan. Change back into a crow.”

  Muan flipped Raven off.

  “I’m here to deliver a message from Shadow. He wants you and Leech to meet him with your armies. They have a lead on taking down Abaddon.”

  “Thanks, Muan. Are the other Archangels joining up as well?”

  “Who the fuck knows? I haven’t seen or heard from them for a while now. Shadow asked me to track them but I’ve lost their trail. For now it’ll just be the three major demons and Gabriel.”

  “Has Shadow banged that Sarah angel chick yet?”

  Muan looked at Lilith like she was crazy.

  “How the hell would I know? I’ve been a bird for the past several weeks.”

  “Don’t you think they would have super cute babies, though?”

  “K. You’re straying into crazy land. The details are in the scroll there. I’m going to go say hey to Leech and Gangrene and then leave.”

  Muan started to walk out of the tent but Raven cut him off and blocked his exit.

  “Turn into a crow.”

  Muan sighed, changed into a crow, and hopped past Raven. Raven giggled.

  Muan made his way outside and spotted Leech holding a newborn in the distance. He started to walk towards him when a flaming sword flew down from the sky, narrowly missing his face. It landed in the sand behind him. Muan looked around for the source.

  “Death has made your reflexes slow, little imp.”

  Muan grinned.

  “I see your aim still sucks, Gangrene.”

  Gangrene emerged from the trees, smiling.

  “That would have decapitated a normal sized demon. I forgot to factor in what a tiny little thing you are.”

  Gangrene retrieved his sword and placed it back in its sheath.

  “I’m glad you’re still alive. We’ve heard rumors that Murmur killed you and other rumors that Nightmare killed you. I imagine both of them tried but you’re still too small to hit.”

  “Did someone take your spear away? Is that why you switched over to swords? It can’t be because you’re more skilled with swords unless you were aiming for the sand behind me.”

  “Picked a fight with a nephilim. Some guy named Scapegoat. He came here to kill Leech and I decided that I liked the weapon I took from him better.”

  “Bullshit. He broke your spear. Why else wouldn’t you still have it with you? You can have both a spear and a sword.”

  Gangrene grinned sheepishly.

  “Yeah he kind of… broke my spear. I really like the sword though. There’s supposedly a second one that goes with it. I’m going to take it after I kill Scapegoat.”

  “I’m amazed Scapegoat fought you at all. He’s basically Azazel’s little serving bitch.”

  “I guess Azazel is spread a little thin right now. He’s doing Abaddon’s dirty work. Scapegoat said he wanted Leech dead and to take Lilith and the baby with him back to Azazel. I am really getting tired of guarding Leech and Lilith’s kid though. That little girl came from the two most annoying demons I know. Why would anyone want a hybrid of asshole and insanity?”

  “I know what you mean. I just delivered Shadow’s message to Lilith and Raven. I’d forgotten how annoying they are. Kind of makes me wish I was actually dead instead of pretending.”

  “What message?”

  “Shadow wants Leech and Lilith to take their armies and to meet up with him and Gabriel. I have no idea where the other two Archangels are. Shadow found out some things that should give us a chance at taking down Abaddon.”

  “I’ll tell Leech if you want to get back to Shadow.”

  Muan nodded then changed into a crow. He hesitated for a moment and then changed back into a grinning demon.

  “Forgot to ask. You still dating that Raven chick?”

  Gangrene rolled his eyes.

  “Yes. At this point I’m not sure I have a say in the matter.”

  “I guess it still sucks to be you.”

  Muan changed back into a crow and flew away.


  “Apparently Azazel and Scapegoat are working for your dad, Shadow.”

  Shadow considered this for a moment.

  “Gathering the nephilim, I’ll bet. Are Leech and Lilith on their way?”

  “I think so. It’s kind of hard to tell what Lilith plans to do.”

  “So how did you find out about Azazel and Scapegoat?”

  “Gangrene told me. Apparently Scapegoat showed up and wanted to kill Leech. Gangrene fought him and he ran away.”

  “That’s ou
r way to Abaddon then. We start catching nephilim alive until Azazel and Scapegoat show up to try to recruit them. Then we capture Azazel and Scapegoat.”

  “I see a few problems with that, Shadow. First, promise you won’t hit me for speaking frankly.”

  “Nope. Continue.”

  “The last time we ran into Azazel, he took your scythes away. I’m not sure how you capture something that powerful.”

  “I have a solution for that. Next.”

  Muan looked like he wanted to press the issue but decided against it.

  “How do we get them to tell us where Abaddon is? They might not respond to torture.”

  “We use Bumalin on them. Steal their memories. I told you he’d be useful.”

  Muan hesitated again.

  “You’re… sure that Azazel can’t take Damnation away from you?”

  “I already told you I’ve solved that problem. Don’t ask me again.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “You still know where Bumalin is?”

  “Yup. Jess taught me a little spell that lets me track demons. It takes me forever to get it right, but I followed him as a crow and then cast it on him when he was asleep so I would have plenty of time. I know where he is.”

  “Good. I want you to take off and try to find the other Archangels one more time. It bothers me that Uriel and Raphael have been missing for this long.”

  “You’re worried about them?”

  “I’m worried that they might betray us. If you don’t find them over the next few days, come back. Right now getting to Bumalin is more important than finding the Archangels.”

  “Fine. Just one more quick thing before I take off.”


  “That dorky angel named Remiel keeps going over to your armies and telling them he’s in charge when I’m not here. I know that normally you’d put him in his place, but you went ahead with Sarah and Gabriel looking for Bumalin. I’d either like you to put him in his place now or let me go kick his ass really quick before I take off.”

  Shadow laughed.

  “I didn’t think he had the guts to try something like that. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll deal with it.”

  Muan nodded and flew away.

  Shadow walked into the angels’ camp and spotted Sarah and Remiel. As he made his way towards Sarah, Remiel cut him off and aimed an arrow at his head.

  “What are you doing in our camp, demon?”

  “I’m actually here to talk to you.”

  Remiel looked surprised.

  “Muan tells me you’ve been trying to give commands to my armies. Do you have a death wish, Robin Hood?”

  Remiel lowered his bow and frowned.

  “Angels command demons. It’s the natural order of things. We’re beings of light and so they have to do whatever I say.”

  “Interesting. So by your reasoning, you can command me.”

  Remiel brought his bow back up and aimed his arrow at Shadow.

  “Yes. I command you to leave this camp.”

  “Go fuck yourself.”

  The angels that had been watching this exchange collectively gasped. Sarah started making her way over.

  “What did you say to me, Shadow?”

  “Go… fuck… yourself.”

  Several angels grabbed their weapons and started advancing towards Shadow. Remiel held out his hands and stopped them. He saw that Sarah was nearly there and decided to act before she could stop them.

  “I challenge you to a duel. To the death.”

  Shadow burst out laughing. Sarah shook her head in annoyance.

  “Not gonna happen. The two of you will not be fighting.”

  “I’m sorry, my lady, but we will. Shadow has been disrespectful the entire time we’ve worked with him and it’s time he learned his place.”

  “In about five minutes, my place will be impaling your lifeless corpse on a large stick, you idiot. You don’t command me. You don’t command my armies. Gabriel doesn’t try to do either of those things. Are you better than Gabriel?”

  “Do not speak the holy Archangel’s name, filth. I will tolerate your words no longer. It is time you learned some manners.”

  Shadow pulled Damnation from his belt and dropped it on the ground. He did the same with Michael’s short blade. Remiel pointed at the short blade with his bow.

  “After I defeat you, I will return that to Michael the High Archangel.”

  Remiel fired three arrows in rapid succession at Shadow. Shadow raised his hand and all three burst into flames. The ashes fell to the ground long before they reached Shadow. Remiel drew a knife and charged. Shadow sidestepped the attack and tripped the angel. He fell hard on his face. Other angels were starting to look angry and some even started moving towards Damnation to block Shadow from retrieving it. Shadow held out his hands and both of his weapons rose from the ground and flew to him.

  “It doesn’t just have to be Remiel. I imagine a lot of you assholes have a problem with me. Go ahead and take a shot.”

  Several angels started to attack but Gabriel appeared and stopped them.

  “Shadow is our guest. He is helping us track down and kill nephilim.”

  Remiel hopped back on his feet and bowed.

  “Archangel Gabriel, he started it.”

  “You started it, you idiot, and the next time you try to command my armies I will put you down instead of just kicking your ass.”

  Gabriel looked like he wanted to say something but Sarah grabbed Shadow by the arm and walked him away from the angel’s camp.

  “I’m not interested in a lecture. I seriously can’t take this anymore. Angels are the absolute worst fucking creatures in existence. I can see where the Dragon got his pride issues from. All of you think you’re better than everyone else. Leech and Lilith are on their way here and I’m taking off with them. We don’t need the Archangels anymore. I’ll kill Abaddon myself. I don’t want to see you, Gabriel, or your loyal dog, Remiel, again. The reason the nephilim are an abomination is that angels and demons should never mix.”

  Sarah said nothing but allowed a tear to roll down from each eye. She quickly wiped them away. Initially, Shadow was too angry to care. He looked at her with indifference until his breathing evened out. Finally, it occurred to him that maybe he had gone overboard. Sarah didn’t treat him like the other angels did.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose control like that. I’ve taken in too many powers and they’re starting to blend together and I’m just…”

  Sarah leaned in, put her arms around Shadow’s neck and pulled him down until their lips met. When Shadow got over the shock, he started to enjoy himself until she pushed him away and punched him hard across the face.

  “What the hell was that for? I said I was sorry.”

  “When I first met you, I thought you were cute. You were different. You didn’t treat Leech and Lilith like minions. They were your friends and I wanted to be a part of that, too. I don’t know why, but I’m really attracted to your powers and the things you say and just… you in general. The problem with all of this is that I don’t want to like you anymore. You keep blaming me for things that the other angels do. I don’t get on your case and yell at you about demons or nephilim… so stop blaming me for the angels.”

  Shadow held up his hands in surrender.

  “Alright. I said I was sorry.”

  Sarah looked at the ground.

  “I don’t want you to go away.”

  “Well I’m not working with the angels anymore. This whole experience has been a clusterfuck of a nightmare.”

  Sarah didn’t look up and Shadow knew she was crying again. He realized that there actually was an angel that he could put up with.

  “You can come with me, though. I trust you.”

  Sarah looked up and smiled.

  “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”


  “So what’s the plan?”

  Murmur shook his head.

hat’s not how this is going to work. Your mission means your plan. I don’t want you partially blaming me for any losses we take.”

  “No problem, boss. I was planning on listening to whatever you said and then suggesting a better plan anyways.”

  “Fine then. Let’s hear what you’ve got.”

  “Currently, your army has five snipers. I use that term very loosely. One of them still sometimes points his gun the wrong way and looks down the barrel to clean it. It’s enough for what I have in mind though. I’m going to position them in the following spots.”

  Aim pointed at five different spots around the cliff that led down to the demons guarding White Death.

  “We start shooting. They’ll start looking up and taking shots around the cliff edges. You teleport in and start butchering them while they’re looking up.”

  “You want me to go down in there and take out 500 demons? On my own? This is about your death debt, isn’t it?”

  “Well yeah. If you die, I just have to kill one demon in Nightmare’s army and one from Astaroth’s. I believe in you, boss. 500 kills is nothing for the major demon of…”

  Aim realized Murmur was looking at him like he wanted to kill him.

  “It was a joke. You go in first and start butchering them. Then Jess teleports small groups of our armies in to surround them and close in. We’ll take some losses but it’ll be worth it. I’d like to remind you once again that you currently have five snipers. That’s pitiful and we should all be ashamed of ourselves.”

  “And Jess is on board with this?”

  “Do I think it’s a good plan? No. Do I think it’s a decent plan considering the fact that my idiot brother came up with it? Kind of. Am I willing to transport demons in to back you up? Absolutely. We can’t let anything happen to our fearless leader, Murmur, the overly large teddy bear.”

  “I’d kind of like to kill both of you right now.”

  Aim smiled and started running towards his position on the cliff.

  “Perfect, boss. Now take that attitude into the canyon and kill all the cowboy demons.”

  Aim signaled to the other snipers to take their places. The ragged band of demons ran to the spots he had pointed out to them earlier. None of them found adequate cover. Aim tried to signal to them that they needed to find better cover. None of them understood his signals. Jess, who was still standing next to Aim, shook her head.

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