If I Say No, page 19
At the last minute, he grabbed Charlotte’s gift bag. “Her shop’s on the High Road,” he said in explanation as he closed his boot. “I didn’t think we’d have an excuse to go down there this week, but might as well pop in since we’re going that way. We’ll buy some chocolates for Reha, too.”
“Sorry we couldn’t leave on time to buy mishti—”
“Don’t be silly,” he said, pressing a hand gently to my cheek. “They’ve had enough mishti this month. Chocolates will go down better. Or maybe cake.” He winked.
We started ambling our way towards the High Road, Imran taking my hand and squeezing tightly for a second. I didn’t voice the questions buzzing in my head—Charlotte’s shop? She’s a local? Did you grow up together? Does she have a friends-to-lovers thing going on with Seb?—and Imran didn’t throw me any more nuggets of information about her.
Thankfully, he didn’t mention Seb or how Charlotte was his girlfriend. In the headspace I was in, I wouldn’t have been able to handle talking about Seb’s relationship. In the headspace I was in, bumping into Seb in the middle of the High Road was the last thing I could stomach.
But here we are, all three of us, together at last. I feel like throwing up.
Chapter 77
Seb
Someone please crack open the Earth’s surface so I can jump in. Like a deer caught in headlights, I simply stare at the couple that have walked up to me, hand-in-hand. I’m unable to comprehend the words they’re throwing at me. Maybe Imran said, “hi”; maybe he asked, “what’s up?” I don’t know. My head is a blur. My ears are ringing.
I don’t need to turn to the shop windows to know that I look horrified. What bad luck is this?
I think I open my mouth but I don’t hear what comes out. Perhaps nothing came out?
Then, she speaks and my insides still. My panic subsides. My heart breaks and mends and breaks again. Her voice. It holds me in place. It’s like I haven’t heard it for months. I missed it. Missed her. But she’s here and she’s saved me from drowning.
“The shop’s closed,” is all she says but it’s everything.
Without looking at either of them, I say, “Yeah, it’s closed.”
“How come you’re here, then?” Imran chuckles. “You should be the first person to know when your girlfriend isn’t opening the shop.”
The moment he says “girlfriend”, my eyes flick to Shell. Hers flick to me. We look away at the same time. Both of us swallow painfully.
Anger at Imran’s words creeps in, at the agenda behind them, and I grit my teeth. “She’s not my girlfriend. I never said she was.”
Let Shell see that Imran isn’t exactly what he seems. That’s my revenge. For making me hurt her when all I wanted to do was love her.
“Don’t be shy,” Imran teases. His tone adds, Yes, you did say she’s your girlfriend but I’ll let this slide since you’re being so coy. “It’s about time you settled down.” He smiles warmly.
From the corner of my eyes, I see that Shell is examining the cakes in the window display, her body seems tense under her winter coat. I do my best to act as though she’s not here.
When I keep quiet, Imran adds, “So, I guess we all missed her.”
Confusion chases away my rage. I stare at him blankly.
“We came to give her the gifts we bought her,” he explains, holding up a shimmery gift bag. “You know, for coming to the wedding and bringing those taals.”
“Oh.”
“Seb, are you okay, man?” His concern seems genuine. He’s such a good actor. I never knew... “You don’t seem like yourself.”
Shell turns to us at that, slightly concerned herself. She still cares, rejoices my heart. She shouldn’t, says my head, for her sake.
Sighing, I say, “Yeah, she broke up with me last night—”
“I’m so sorry, Seb,” Imran says, grabbing my elbow. “I shouldn’t have been teasing—”
“It’s fine. I’m going to get her back.”
“That’s the spirit!” He lets go of my elbow and punches it playfully.
Shell looks like she’s going to be sick. I’m so sorry, my love.
Telling myself that I need to do this for Shell’s wellbeing, I add, “I’m heading over to her house now. Her Nan will take my side—I think I won her over.”
“That’s great, man,” Imran approves, beaming. “Two-against-one. You’ll have her back in no time.”
“Two-against-one?” Shell blurts out, her eyes on Imran. “Ganging up on someone isn’t something to be proud of.” She shakes her head at him. Can’t she tell that Imran was joking?
Though her tone was serious, Imran reacts as though she was being playful. Winking at her, he says, “All’s fair in love and war, darling.”
Darling? That’s his pet name for her? I’m surprised she allowed it. She giggled at all the pet names I called her—babe, baby, honey. I didn’t know she preferred the more old fashioned ones.
“No, it’s not fair,” she snaps, eyes flashing in disapproval. “People die in wars. Innocent people. Soldiers. Yeah, they signed up to fight for their country but it’s still not fair that they lose their lives because their government decided to wage a war! Nothing about war is fair.” She’s breathing hard and is obviously very upset.
I find myself asking, “You okay, Shell?”
My voice came out softer than I intended and she shifts her gaze to me. Blinks a few times. Calms down. Nods.
To Imran, she says, “Sorry. I never liked that saying.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, a regretful smile on his face.
He touches his free hand to her cheek but Shell steps back. Yeah, I’m living in denial of the fact that they’ve been holding hands all this time. Her eyes drop to the ground as though she’s feeling shy. Their hands separate and my heart feels light for one whole heartbeat. I don’t think she was being coy. She just didn’t want to be touched like that in front of me.
“I promise I’ll never say that again,” Imran murmurs.
Nodding, Shell says, “Add one more item to the list of things you’ll never say to me.”
Imran’s forehead creases, curious and a tiny bit anxious. “What?”
Shell suddenly grins. “Darling.”
Imran bursts out laughing. “Yeah, I didn’t like the sound of that, either. Apologies.”
She shakes her head at him indulgently and I feel invisible.
I need to vanish from here. “I’ll leave you to discuss potential pet names and go win back my girlfriend—”
“I thought she wasn’t your girlfriend?” Shell says with a challenge in her tone. She throws me a brief glance and looks away.
“I guess she is,” I sigh. “Well, she has to take me back first.”
Another quick look in my direction as she says, “Good luck.”
“Thanks, Shell,” I reply automatically. Then, I suck in a long breath and add, “And congratulations. I’m sorry I didn’t get to wish you all the best on your big day.”
A nod. No eye contact, obviously.
The next second, Imran sticks out his hand to shake mine and we say our goodbyes. I’m about to walk away when he stops me and holds up a gift bag. I take it without thinking.
“Can you give this to Charlotte?”
Charlotte, yes. My unintended.
Shell’s the one that got away.
I may have unwittingly developed feelings for Charlotte but I’m still in love with Shell. As I get in my car and drive away, I know I’m not going to sleep tonight, and it’ll be due to a different kind of nightmare: Shell and Imran holding hands and touching each other’s faces.
Chapter 78
Shell
So, I’ve become that girl. To hurt Seb, I flirtatiously told Imran not to call me “darling” and acted like I’d forgotten Seb was there. He moved on so quickly after breaking my heart! A heart that still races when he looks at me, talks to me. You okay, Shell? I need to stop thinking about what those words did to me.
Most importantly, I wanted to get him back for what he didn’t do: He didn’t try to see me after I broke up with him that first time. No texts, no calls, no visits. Not even to ask if I was alright. With his new girlfriend, not only is he going to turn up at her door, desperate to talk to her, but he’s going to enlist help from her Nan to win her back.
Charlotte means a lot more to him than I ever did. This hurts so much.
I should have waited until I saw Seb again before proclaiming that Imran and I would soon get our happy ever after. Now, I know for certain that I’ll never get over Sebastian Lowe. I’ll never know happiness.
Chapter 79
Seb
I slow down considerably as I enter Charlotte’s street. There’s an ambulance parked outside her house, blocking the driveway. Heart pounding, I park in the first empty spot I see and rush out of the car. My head knows it can’t be Charlotte that the paramedics are treating—in the house or in the ambulance—but I still worry that she’s had some sort of an accident.
I tell myself it’s probably her Nan and feel terrible about it. I hope it’s nothing serious, whoever it is.
“Charlotte!” I yell as soon as I catch sight of her.
She’s standing outside her front door, a small group of people surrounding her. Neighbours, probably. This means her Nan’s in the ambulance...
Charlotte looks up at my call. When she spots me jogging towards her, she squeezes through the small crowd to come and throw her arms around me. I’m so relieved that she’s physically okay but I don’t know what to say because I know she’s suffering on the inside.
I hug her tight. She reciprocates. It feels good. It’s exactly what I needed after what happened on the High Road. If only I was holding her under less tragic circumstances. Her skin is cold, though—why isn’t she in a coat? When she doesn’t let go of me, I know something very serious has happened to her grandmother and she’s devastated.
“What happened?” I ask, rubbing her back.
Stepping back from me, she replies, “I think she’s had a heart attack... They’re seeing her in the ambulance.” Her eyes are red—she’s been crying.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, mouth going dry. “She’ll be okay—”
“I hope so. She’s all I’ve got left.” And she covers her mouth and starts crying.
I pull her to me and she presses her forehead into my chest. We don’t stay like this for long, though. I see the ambulance door open and a female paramedic climbs out. Hearing the sound, Charlotte breaks my hold and turns towards the vehicle.
“Oh, no,” she whispers.
Taking her hand, I lead her towards the paramedic.
When we reach her, she says to Charlotte, “We’re going to take your grandmother to the hospital—”
“Is she okay?” Charlotte asks, sniffling.
“She needs urgent care—”
“Oh my god.” She starts trembling.
I curl my arm around her shoulders.
“Do you have someone that can drive you to the hospital?” The woman looks at me as she speaks.
Charlotte’s body tenses further within my hold, terrified for her Nan. It takes her a few seconds to ask, “Can’t I go with her in the ambulance?”
“It’s best not to. Can someone—”
“Yes, I’ll drive her,” I say. “Which hospital are you taking her to?” There are two hospitals almost equidistance from here.
“Queen’s. Do you know it?”
I nod. “I’ll be right behind you.”
On the drive to Queen’s Hospital, I didn’t dare ask Charlotte what happened. She was staring out of her window, tears leaking from her eyes in silence. Once we arrived and were told to sit in the waiting room outside the Intensive Care Unit, I took her cold hand and rubbed it between mine. She didn’t seem to mind. Still, I didn’t say much, unsure of how she’d take it. I waited for her to speak but she only sat in silence.
Now, after waiting half an hour with no news from the doctors, Charlotte leaps to her feet and starts pacing the small space. “What’s happening?” she asks no one. “Why haven’t they said anything?”
I stand and walk up to her, blocking her path. “No news is good news,” I murmur. “She’s hanging in there.”
“You think?” She rubs her face with her hands.
“That’s what my gut says.” I give her a sad smile. “Come sit back down. Your legs will hurt more.”
Nodding, she goes and drops back in her chair. “Funny, they don’t hurt that much right now.”
I sit down next to her. “Your brain’s distracted by the emergency.”
“Hmm.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“No.” She doesn’t sound rude or angry.
“Do you want me to shut up or—”
“No, you’re alright.” A mirthless chuckle.
“What shall I—oh, I should tell you before I forget. Imran bought some gifts for you. He came by the shop, actually. The bag’s in the car—”
“Gifts? For me?”
“Yeah, it’s sort of a tradition for the bride and groom’s families to give presents to the special guests that come to the wedding,” I tell her. “And to those that bring really expensive gifts. It’s usually sarees for the women of the family, but I don’t think Imran got you a saree. The bag definitely didn’t weigh enough to be a saree.”
“He didn’t need to buy me anything... I didn’t even congratulate him.”
“My fault. Sorry.”
“Don’t be silly. You were sick. Ish.” She shakes her head.
And freezes. Before I can ask her what’s up, an unfamiliar voice says her name. I recall that I heard the door to the waiting area open a moment ago. I look in the same direction Charlotte’s looking in.
“Charlotte,” the man says again. “Honey, are you alright?”
I see enough similarities between her and this man—the same brown eyes and red hair—to know that he must be her father.
Chapter 80
Charlotte
The Hermans must have told him. They should have asked me before getting in touch with him. I know they did it so that I’d have family with me now, but still, I feel like telling them to mind their own business next time. Him being here is only making me feel worse.
“Please leave,” I tell him through clenched teeth as he approaches me and Seb in our seats. “No one wants you here.”
“Honey, please,” he says as he takes the empty chair next to me.
I leap to my feet—it hurts my legs, but it’s so worth it. Seb copies me. We walk to the other end of the waiting area. The throbbing in my bad leg ups a notch and I take deep breaths.
Dad comes over and corners us. “I don’t know why you’re pushing me away again, but whatever it is, we can work it out. You shouldn’t be alone right now—”
“I’m not alone.” My eyes flick to Seb’s face and he nods at me. His eyes say, I’m not going anywhere. Which is such a relief.
“I see that,” Dad murmurs, looking Seb up and down. “And I’m glad. But you can’t keep shutting me out. Tell me why you’re angry with me.”
“Either you leave or I do,” I hiss. “And I’m pretty sure Nan won’t be happy to see you instead of me after having a heart attack.”
“So, they confirmed it—it’s a heart attack?”
“They haven’t told us anything,” Seb tells him before I get my words out. “Only that she needs critical care.”
Dad nods. “And who are you, young man?” He doesn’t sound rude as he offers Seb his hand to shake.
Seb shakes it, saying, “I’m Charlotte’s boyfriend.” His free hand reaches for mine and our fingers entwine.
Dad looks him over again. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”
Seb simply nods.
“I’m glad you have someone taking care of you now,” my father says to me. “But it doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you, too.”
“I don’t want you here,” I snap. “You’re not helping at all. I don’t need this right now.”
“But—”
“Fine. I’m going.” I march towards the door, pulling Seb along with me.
Dad’s too stunned to follow. Good. I can’t stand looking at him right now. It could be the sight of you limping that’s stopped him still, suggests a quiet voice in my head. That has always hurt him. I ignore the reasonable voice and march onwards. Luckily, the first lift we come across is free, its doors open—someone just stepped out of it—and I lead us inside. I hit a random button and wait for the doors to close.
Seb asks, “Do you wanna talk about—”
“My dad? No.”
He twists to face me and takes my other hand in his. I should have let go of his hand already. But I don’t want to. Not today.
Looking down at me, concern on his face, he whispers, “I’m here, Girl That Brings The Cake. I’m not leaving you.”
Today, maybe. But everyone leaves eventually. I just hope today is not the day that Nan leaves me.
By the time we return to the waiting area outside the ICU, Dad’s gone. And a nurse is waiting to speak to me. I start shaking as she walks up to us, a bolt of pain shooting up my legs. I hope it’s not bad news. We weren’t gone too long—Seb just got us coffee from the cafe on the ground floor.
“Charlotte?” she asks, voice soft.
I nod. As she starts debriefing me on Nan’s condition, I feel as though I’m drifting away from my body. Her voice sounds distant. Seb’s grip on my hand feels loose and barely there. A humming sound fills my head. I only pick up a few key facts:
Nan has had a heart attack.
She will need to stay in hospital for a few days.
