I don't know how it began or why it began, but it did begin. My wife of five years one day turned into a hideous monster straight from hell. Somehow I had to send her back.ViolaI didn't want to, you know? I didn't want to find myself in a room full of people I didn't know. I didn't want to find myself crying in the bathroom, playing in my mind the memory of him kissing her. I didn't want to.It hurts. It hurts to know this is a modern fairytale. No happy endings, no wind in our sails. But I'm so naive. I can't imagine a life without him. Breathless moments, breaking me down.Its funny. Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some happy, and some exciting. But if you never turn the next page, you will never know what the next chapter holds. The Fault in Our Stars for instance. Weren't we all just dying to find out what happens to them? Life is easy, though, but we insist on making it so complicated.They don't notice. Behind my smile, is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. If you look closely at me, you will see, the girl I am... isn't me.They don't get it. I have fallen, I have made mistakes. I live, I learn, I've been hurt, repeatedly, but I'm alive. I'm human and I'm not perfect, can't they see that? Can't he see that?I remember someone telling me once that some relationships are like glass. It's better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.I'm proud of my heart, yeah? It's been stabbed, cheated, burn and broken, but somehow, it still works. I love my heart, even if he doesn't. Its been broken, stamped on and totally trashed, but it still beats. He doesn't deserve it, yet I give it to him.The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered. And that's the important thing to acknowledge to yourself. The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive. And that's what I did, all the time.But love, love is so different. Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger. It's when you really look at them, you stop seeing a perfect nose or straight teeth. You stop seeing the acne scar or the dimple in the chin. Those things start to blur, and suddenly you see them, the colors. The life inside the shell and beauty takes on a whole new meaning.Why do I love someone who doesn't love me in return? Why do I always think of him, if he never thought of me? Why do I always wait for him, if never waits for me? Why do I see him, if he never sees me? Tell me why.He hurt me. I handed my heart yo him and said be careful. But as stupid as he was, he broke it. Over and over again. And after all the crap he put me through, I still love him.When he said that we would be together forever, I thought that meant until we died. But... I guess forever isn't as long as it used to be... is it?But here's my real question;What do you do when the one who broke your heart is the one who can fix it? Tell me, what do I do?
Read online