Tainted Frost, page 15
“No, but seriously,” Matilda says. “Do you guys think I have a chance with Gary? He’s so freaking hot. I’d die to get a piece of that. Also, I totally saw him staring at me the other day at the game.”
Natalie’s eye twitches. I furtively edge closer to Nat, brush her hand with mine then give it a small squeeze. Matilda taps her foot, looking from Gary to me to Nat then back to Gary again. “Well?” she prompts. “What do you guys think? Nat? Do you think I have a chance with him?”
Nat shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t speak boy.”
“But you’ve dated more guys than I have,” Matilda continues. “You have to know a little bit about how they think. I mean, if a guy keeps staring at you, then that means he likes you, right?”
“Maybe,” Natalie says, giving me a look that says, for the love of God, save me from this.
“Well, it doesn’t necessarily mean that,” I say. “It really depends on the intensity and duration of staring.” I nod seriously.
“But Gary is so mysterious,” Matilda says. “Even just one look can mean that he likes you. ‘Cause he’s, like, kind of shy. You know?” She fixes her large, saucer-like eyes on Natalie.
A loud popping sound from behind us makes us turn in unison, distracting Matilda long enough for Nat to grab me and yank her away from further questioning. I twist my head to see what the popping sound was as Nat drags me through the snow. Some senior boys toss empty beer bottles into the bonfire, laughing as the bottles explode from the heat. This is apparently the height of amusement for them. Nat doesn’t look back. She heads straight toward her mom’s car, never letting go of my arm. “Let’s get out of here,” she says.
“Wait, what about your plans to talk to Gary?”
She stops abruptly in front of one of the trucks and turns to me. A hand goes up to fidget with an earmuff. “That plan has to be postponed.”
“Again?”
“I know, I know, I really suck. I just can’t do it right now. Matilda pissed me off.” She folds her arms across her chest and looks away. To our right, a group of guys and girls dances to the rock music still blaring from a nearby truck. They grind against each other, not at all in rhythm to the music. They stomp their boots into the whiteness, slip half-full bottles of beer from their fingers, turning the snow into a sickly yellow sludge.
“Do you want to stay?” Nat asks. I search frosted boughs for the raven, but it’s long gone.
“No, we can go. Let me let David know, though.”
I crunch through the snow, avoiding the sludge, to get to David. He grins and stretches his arms out when he sees me, definitely drunk.
“Nat and I are leaving,” I tell him.
He sticks out his bottom lip in the most comically exaggerated manner I’ve ever seen. “You are?” he whines. “But why? Stay with me. Tell Nat to come back. I wanna talk to her.”
“You know what? You should come, too. You’re too drunk to drive.”
He holds up a finger. “One, I didn’t even drive here. Gary brought me.” A second finger goes up. “Two, Gary’s the DD. He’ll drop me off.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow. And stop drinking. You have practice in the morning, remember?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves me off and walk-stumbles back to his group.
“I suck at this,” Nat says as we drive away. “I’m never going to talk to him. It’s like I just freeze up.”
“He doesn’t exactly make it easy.”
“No, but still. I should be better at achieving my goals.”
“You’re too hard on yourself. Just the other day at Joanna’s party you were playing pool with him. And what about everything you said about focusing on the process instead of the goal?”
“You’re right, you’re right.” She pauses at a stop sign and looks at me. “Would it be totally insane to just ask him out?”
“No. Why would it be insane? Plus, you have your Venus in Aries, and that means you’re very bold in relationships. I’m almost surprised you haven’t asked him out already.”
She laughs. “I can’t believe you know my chart like that. But you’re right. I do have Venus in Aries, and I am bold, and I should totally ask him out.”
“Totally.”
“Oh my God, my stomach hurts just thinking about it. He’s gonna reject me. I can feel it.”
“He’s not gonna reject you.” I have to say that as her friend, but I don’t know if it’s true. Gary seems so strange to me.
“I’ll think about it. Maybe I’ll just do it and see what happens.”
I nod. We’ve reached my house. My mom’s bedroom light is on, and I don’t know how I feel about it. The lights downstairs are all off. I say goodbye to Nat and get out of the car, reluctance slowing my steps. I feel heavy with a sudden sadness. I miss Alex; I’m sorry the winter solstice celebrations are already over; I don’t want to walk into my dark house.
When I step inside, I lean back against the door and close my eyes for a moment. I try to push the sadness away like it’s a person crowding in on me. I remember Marina’s tears and feel my own coming on.
I wipe at my eyes and push away from the door. I have to go up those stairs and into my room. I have to move. I’m almost at the top of the stairs when there’s a knock at the door. It’s probably David, coming over for tea or something. Or maybe to sober up before he goes to his place.
I bound down the steps and open the door. Alex stands at the threshold and my heart stops.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you.” He looks anxious.
“Is everything okay?”
“Can we go up to your room?”
I would say no if it wasn’t for that anxious look in his eyes. “Sure.”
Chapter 17
I feel guilty having a boy in my room without my mom knowing, until I remember that this isn’t the first time Alex has been up here without my mom’s knowledge. At least he’s not naked this time.
If she hears us talking and comes to investigate, I’ll just deal with it then.
“So, what’s up?” I ask Alex, sitting down on my computer chair. “What did you wanna talk about? You missed the bonfire.”
“Yeah.” He slides a hand through his hair. “I was home with my – my brothers.” He sits down on the edge of my bed.
“Are they getting better?”
“Yeah. I think so.” His eyes are on my walls. He reads the Amelia Earhart quote. “The most effective way to do it, is to do it.”
I turn around in my seat to look at it too. “Yup. It sure is.”
“I’m lying, Anna. I’ve been lying to you this whole time. My brothers aren’t home sick. They’re gone.”
I swivel back around in my chair. “What are you talking about?”
He gets up and paces from the bed to the door. He stops and runs a finger over the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
“I have to tell you something. I just don’t know how to do it. But I have to. It’s about my brothers. And.” He takes a breath. “And it’s about your dad.”
Everything that’s keeping me alive seems to stop for a minute. My lungs constrict; my heart shrivels up. All the words on my walls blur. Alex blurs. “What about my dad?” I whisper.
“There’s a lot I haven’t told you.”
“What about my dad?” I repeat.
“There’s a witch in the woods. She took my brothers, and I think she took your dad, too. They’re trapped by her magic, but they’re alive.”
I slowly turn to face him, and there’s so much burning agony in his eyes. Burning agony and burning truth. “You’re not joking.”
“I would never joke about something like that. You know that.”
“I know. I know.” It’s a struggle to get my voice out as I fight not to cry.
“I would’ve told you sooner,” he says, “but I didn’t want to tell you until I knew that there was something I could do about it.”
I wring the sleeve of my sweater in my hands. “What do you mean? What can we do? You mean there’s a way to save them?” I don’t even have any words for what I’m feeling right now.
He reaches into his jacket pocket like he’s going to take something out, but then he just sighs and keeps his hand there.
“What’s in your pocket?” I ask. “Something we can use?”
“Yeah, I have something. It’s been in my family for generations. According to all the stories I heard as a kid, it can kill her but only if you stab her in the heart with it.”
“A knife?”
He shakes his head and pulls his hand out of his pocket. His fingers are curled around what looks like a long, jagged yellow crystal. “I know it doesn’t look that impressive right now, but it’s supposed to be magic and not just some piece of rock.”
I stare at it and reach a finger out to touch it. It feels solid with rough and smooth parts and exactly what you would expect a crystal to feel like. It doesn’t seem magical at all. I don’t know what to make of it.
Alex seems to know what I’m thinking. “Like I said, it doesn’t look like much, but it has power.”
“How do you know?” I ask. “Have you ever tested it out? Have you ever seen it do anything magical?” My throat feels tight and scratchy. I’m trying not to think, but I can’t stop from thinking: My dad is alive.
“I’ve never tested it out, but I’ve heard so much about it from my uncles and grandfather. I don’t think they would lie about it. Plus, my dad always keeps it locked in a safe in his study, so I know it’s important.”
“He keeps it locked? So how’d you get it? Did he give it to you?”
“Ha, no way,” he says, then he smiles. “I broke into the safe and took it.”
“Won’t he notice that it’s gone?”
“He’s in Anchorage with my uncles. He won’t be back until Christmas. My mom made him promise to be back by then. If it were up to me, he’d stay gone until next year. But it’s not up to me.”
The muscles in my throat seem to constrict with every passing minute. My heart rate refuses to slow down. By some miracle, I’m still able to form words. I swallow a few times in a row, lick my dry lips.
“So, we…we stab her in the heart with it, and she dies, and my dad and your brothers are freed?”
“Yeah. Piece of cake, right?” He gives a short laugh, then he looks at me suspiciously. “Wait, what do you mean ‘we’?”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No, you’re definitely not.”
“Alex. Please. You have to let me come with you.”
“You don’t even under—“
“Please, I’m begging you. You know how much this means to me. This is my dad! This whole time he’s been alive and I didn’t know and now there’s a chance that I can save him and you’re not going to let me?” My eyes are wet and it’s taking everything I have to hold the tears back. I don’t know why, but I just don’t want Alex to see me cry. “You do understand how much this means to me, right?”
“I do. Of course, I do. It’s just that this is serious. You could get hurt. I’m going into this thing blind. I don’t even know what the hell I’m supposed to do. But I can’t just leave my brothers there to…to...”
“I can’t leave my dad there either.”
He releases a frustrated sigh. “I know, Anna. Don’t you think I know that? But it’s not that simple.”
“If it’s not that simple how do you expect to do it all by yourself? Don’t you think you could use some help at least?”
“I’m willing to take the risk because it’s my fault that my brothers got trapped in the first place.” He hangs his head and covers his eyes with his hand. I look away. I don’t care how guilty he feels, I have a right to be a part of this, too. I have a right to go to where my father is, even if it’s only to see him one last time.
For a few minutes we sit there without talking. We both have our eyes averted from each other. I need a quote. Something to soothe me. I need a distraction or else I’ll go crazy wondering where my dad is, how far away, if he’s hurt, if he’s waiting for me. I don’t want to dwell on it, because I’m only imagining the worst.
“Please let me go with you,” I say finally, keeping my voice low and even. “I miss him so much. I just want to see him.” This time I can’t hold the tears back. They flow silently down my face. I wipe them away with my sleeve. I’ve always thought feeling sad and showing it were something to be ashamed of. Every time I cried when I was little, I got so angry at myself that I’d immediately stop.
“I just don’t want to be responsible if something happens to you,” Alex says softly.
“You won’t be. It’s my choice to come, so if something does happen it won’t be your fault.”
“I’d still feel responsible though.”
I exhale loudly and sit back against the chair, closing my eyes.
“But…” he says, and I open my eyes. “There is a way to keep you safe. You just can’t get near the witch. She’s basically trapped in this clearing. Someone put a binding spell on her so she can’t leave the clearing, but the spell is only one-sided. It keeps her trapped, but it doesn’t prevent others from getting in, you know? That’s what happened to my brothers. That night when I came to you, that’s when it happened. We woke up early ‘cause we wanted to go flying. We do this thing sometimes where we race each other. Anyway, we went too far. We were flying for a really long time, and then my brothers dropped down into this clearing to rest. By the time it hit me that it was the witch’s clearing, it was too late. She had them trapped and there was nothing I could do about it. It was a full moon night too. That’s when her powers are at their strongest.”
As he’s telling me this, his voice cracks a few times, and his disappointment in himself is palpable.
“It was just an accident,” I say.
“It doesn’t matter. I was supposed to protect them. I’m the older one and they’re my responsibility. I should’ve been more careful.”
“It might sound weird, but I guess I feel the same way about my dad.”
We share a long look, and I get up from my chair and touch the back of his hand. He flips his hand and entwines his fingers with mine.
“If you come with me,” he says, “you have to promise you won’t come into the clearing. You have to promise you’ll wait for me outside of it.”
“Okay, I promise.” I squeeze his hand. “I promise.”
Chapter 18
There’s a witch living in the woods apparently. I shouldn’t be surprised at this considering Alex can become a raven whenever he wants to, but it’s still too much. A witch in the woods. Just casually hanging out and stealing people. Sure, seems legit.
Before he left last night, Alex promised he’d tell me everything he knew about her. I’m waiting for him in my room. It really hit me this morning, everything he said. Now I’m sitting cross-legged on the bed with my head in my hands and my heart beating like the wings of a frightened bird.
My dad is alive. He’s alive and alive and alive.
The thought conjures this frustrated combination of emotions: relief, anxiety, excitement, fear.
But it’s the only thought I want to focus on. The fact that he’s been there for four months in the hands of some sinister witch, alone and afraid, is not something I want to think about at all. Has she been hurting him? I don’t want to think about that either. All I want to think about is that he’s alive and that there’s a way to save him, and that I have to do whatever it takes to get him out of there and bring him back home where he belongs. I’m just not sure if I can do it.
I hear the door open downstairs accompanied by the sound of crinkling paper and plastic bags. My mom’s home with the groceries. I hesitate. I know I should go down and help her load the groceries into the fridge. She’s had a long day at work and she even went shopping for food afterwards, but I just can’t muster up the energy to get up and go downstairs. An ugly part of me doesn’t even want to help her at all.
But after a few minutes, the dutiful part of me wins out.
I reluctantly slide off my bed and head downstairs. As soon as she sees me, she puts her arms out to me and hugs me close, petting my hair. I hug her back tightly, a fierce sensation of love coursing through my whole body.
The feeling fills me with an intense determination to save my dad. For her, for me, for him. For all of us. We can be a complete family again.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, looking into my eyes like she can withdraw the truth from them.
“Okay. Better.”
“You sure? You know you can go see Ginny. It might help. I’ll come with you if you want.”
Dr. Ginny Kingsolver is the town shrink that people would rather die than admit they were seeing. But she’s been in business for years, so clearly she has plenty of clients.
“I’m fine, Mom, really.” Although I’d love to see Dr. Kingsolver’s face when I tell her I’m off to see the witch in the woods and rescue my father. That would be hilarious.
My mom sighs and bends down to pick up a bag of vegetables. I reach for a bag holding the eggs, cheese, and milk, and we load everything into the fridge together.
“What about you?” I ask. “How are you feeling?” I haven’t asked her that in months, and when I have it was never in relation to my dad’s disappearance. It takes a lot of strength to actually get the words out. For a second, I think she won’t answer me.
“I’m okay,” she says. “Not great. Or even good. But okay. Some days are worse than others.”
I have to admit it hurts to hear that. I’ve never had to comfort a parent. I don’t even know what to do, and my hands hang limply at my sides.
“But,” she adds, putting her hand on my shoulder, “it will get better, just like I said. I promise, okay?”
“Okay, mom.”
It seems like she’s reassuring herself as much as she’s reassuring me. I don’t know what to say, but I don’t want to just leave it like this, so I put my arms around her and hug her tight and hope that that’s enough.
