O'Donnell, Peter - Modesty Blaise 07, page 26
Strange, he thought idly, that Modesty always looked a little smaller than he remembered her. No doubt his recollection of what he had seen her do added inches to her stature in his mental picture of her. She looked very good now, relaxed in sleep. A warm, soft, serene girl with little crow's-feet of laughter at the corners of her eyes. Beautiful, yes. Not exceptional. You'd look twice, of course, and then perhaps you'd look again. You might even keep looking. Especially if you saw her move. Or smile.
He sighed, took his wife's hand, and sat contentedly watching the cricket for two or three overs, then turned to open the picnic basket and took a can of beer from the cold-box. He poured it into a glass, sipped, and gave an appreciative murmur.
Dinah said, Tm no beer drinker, but have you offered one to Modesty ?'
'Well, actually, no. I was afraid she might get a taste for it, my darling, and anyway she's asleep.'
I'm not asleep,' said Modesty. 'I'm listening to cricket, like Dinah. It's a beautiful collection of sounds. Try it, Steve.'
'Ugh. Bring on the violins.'
Modesty said lazily, 'You're always too busy talking to listen to anything, that's your trouble.'
Dinah giggled. 'Sock it to him, honey.' Collier said coldly, 'Your duty is to spring to the defence of your spouse, not to encourage his abuse by some wretched female with three belly-buttons.'
Modesty said, 'I haven't got three belly-buttons now. They've healed up. Well, two of them have.'
Collier sniffed. 'A likely story.'
'Look for yourself.' Eyes still closed, she hooked a thumb in her skirt and pushed it down an inch or two. Collier leaned towards her. Next moment Dinah heard a startled gasp, a cry of indignation, then a sudden scuffle and the quick thud of running feet fading into the distance. She sat up, head cocked, waiting. Two minutes later she heard quiet feet approaching and caught the brandy-tasting smell that was Modesty.
'What was that all about ?'
'He put an ice-cold beer-can on my belly, the brute.' Modesty gave a snuffle of laughter, and sat down beside Dinah.
'Did you catch him ?'
'No, I was gaining, but then he circled the soft-drinks stall and button-holed Mr Peake, the vicar. Oh, there was something else, but I'll leave it for Steve to tell. He'll revel in it.'
'You spoil him. What's happening with the cricket?'
'Let's see what the scoreboard says. Oh, Tunbury need nine to win, and there's only one wicket to fall, so it's anybody's game. Man bowling from the pavilion end now is sending down leg-breaks...'
Collier returned three minutes later looking woebegone. 'I'm suitably punished. Under threat of hell-fire from the Reverend Henry Peake, I've undertaken that we'll provide and run a home-made jam stall at his fete on Sunday week.'
Modesty said, 'You haven't!'
Dinah said, 'Jam ?'
'I have. And jam was the only thing I could think of. I get confused in the presence of the clergy. Keep wondering how they get their heads through those collars.'
'But where are you~going to get a hundred or so pounds of home-made jam?' his wife demanded.
'Where ?' Collier said indignantly, and threw out his arms. 'Well, surely that's up to you! God knows, I've done my bit. Now do let's forget all this trivia and watch the cricket. After all, that's why we're here.'
Even as he spoke there came a very solid sound of bat meeting ball. The batsmen began to run. The ball, travelling fast and very low, hit the ground once. The fielder thirty yards away at square leg, who wore a shirt and white trousers considerably too small for him, leaned sideways, plucked the ball from the air, and flicked it with what seemed a casual manner at the single stump he could see from his position.
The wicket went down with both batsmen in mid-pitch. Applause pattered round the ground. Dinah said, 'What's happened ?' Modesty began to tell her. Batsmen, fielders and umpires were walking to the pavilion, all except the fielder at square leg, who made for the leg boundary.
'Enter William Garvin Esquire wearing the new mid-calf trousers,' said Collier as he approached. 'I can see the story now. Local Publican Makes Good. Today Wixford presented Mr Garvin with the freedom of the village after his triumph in the match against the old enemy, Tunbury. Conscripted by the Reverend Peake when the vice-captain retired hurt, and wearing trousers borrowed from the curate, Mr Garvin, who is shortly taking Holy orders, fielded substitute throughout the Tunbury innings and achieved an amazing run-out in the closing over. Asked to comment, Mr Garvin said, "The curate and I are just good friends. I owe it all to my tip-top truss".'
Willie eased the fold under his groin and said, 'It's tight all right. I could put in for danger money. Got a beer ?'
'Two, my little match winner. The girls wanted to sink both, but I fought them off.' Collier patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. 'Poor old Willie, I said to them. Poor old Willie. How can you be so rotten to him when he's all to pieces ? I said. Weeks of celibacy in the jungle with the delectable Maude, I said to them, and never a nibble. Then, as soon as it's all over, she flies off to the Virgin Islands with that all-time woo-champion, Danny Chavasse. Oh, I said to them, have you no feeling? Have you no pity for this poor lonely boy ?'
Dinah said, 'One more gloat from you, buster, and I'll make it up to Willie myself. It's a real shame.'
Willie drained his glass and shrugged. 'Can't win 'em all, love. I'll just go an' change. See you by the car in five minutes.'
Modesty said, 'I'll come along. I want to talk to you about jam.'
'Jam ?' Willie looked baffled.
'Yes. Home-made jam.' She slipped an arm through his. 'What we need is to find a fete being held next week-end, about ten miles away, where we can buy up a whole stall of home-made jam...' They moved away.
Collier began to pack up the picnic basket. After a while he said, 'It's funny about that girl Maude. Don't you think so, darling? I mean, I know Danny Chavasse has got this magic thing, but you wouldn't think she'd fall for that, would you ? Not after all she went through with Willie.'
Dinah said, 'You're beautiful when you're stupid, tiger.'
'Eh? Why am I stupid?'
'Because I have to explain things to you. But stay that way, because I love you just the way you are.'
'Nice and dopey?'
She laughed. 'Sort of. It's just that Willie asked Danny Chavasse to carry Maude away for a spell of island romance.'
'Asked him ? But why ?
"Because Willie had sort of promised Maude, but he didn't want to be away from Modesty until she was all healed and well again.'
'Oh. Down to one belly-button?'
'Right.'
'Did Willie tell you this himself?'
'Of course not, dopey.'
'Then how do you know ?'
'I know because I'm a girl, that's how.'
'Wait a minute... Modesty's a girl, too. And so is Maude.'
'Good thinking, Professor. You can bet they also know. We just don't voice our knowledge.'
'Good God. And Maude went along with it ?'
'Why not? Number one, the idea of sampling the woo-champion's magic is going to intrigue any girl. Number two, she's got too much sense to get upset about Willie putting Modesty first - what else ? And number three, if she wants to pick up Willie's rain-check there's always another day.'
Collier ran a hand through his hair. 'And even the vastly experienced Willie has no idea that you all know about his cunning subterfuge ?'
'Of course he hasn't. And if you tell him I'll kill you.'
'In that case I won't. In fact I wouldn't anyway. It needs a man of rare calibre to remain unshattered by these revelations of gross feminine duplicity, and there aren't many of us left.'
Collier closed the picnic basket, picked it up, took his wife's arm, and began to stroll with her towards the green where Willie had parked the car. What Dinah had just told him had given him great delight, for he liked women enormously and found them a constant source of wonder. Tonight, at dinner, he would give a vivid description of the hilarious moment by the soft-drinks stall, when Modesty, pursuing him, had been called to order by a policeman and stood meekly contrite as he reprimanded her for what he called romping on the cricket ground.
At peace with the world, Collier gave a large happy sigh. One way and another it had been a very good day.
The End
Last Day In Limbo, O'Donnell, Peter - Modesty Blaise 07
