I pick you, p.21

I Pick You, page 21


I Pick You

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  “Eh, I can take it or leave it, but we can watch it if you want. I don’t mind.”

  “What about live porn?”

  I couldn’t see the look she gave me through the dark night, but I sensed it. “What do you mean?”

  “Like, what if I said I knew how we could watch one of my neighbors have the hottest sex you’ve ever seen?”

  “You watch your neighbors have sex?”

  “No, it was an accident, just once. I thought I heard something in the attic and when I went up there, I found a pair of binoculars, and they were busy doing the thing.”

  “What neighbors?”

  “Um, Paxton and Gabriella.”

  Rydell stopped dead. “Oh, my God. Are you serious? You watched them have sex?”

  “Hey, I’m a man, and she’s so fine.”

  “No, I can’t. Maybe if it was a different neighbor, not them.”

  “Fine, it’s probably not good for my Karma anyway, but we can still find some porn.”

  “You can find all the porn you want. I’m horny.”

  “Yes! Thank you, Lord.”

  I’m not sure if the porn helped anything or not. We watched two guys and one girl for maybe two minutes. I ate her out while she watched and then she returned the favor. Rydell was horny. Jesus, she was crazy. I swear we did it every humanly way possible, and she was the one that didn’t lift off of me when I came. That was her first mistake. I’d want to do it every time now, and I did, the very next morning.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  If someone would have told me my life would turn into this, I would have deemed them crazy. I spent Thanksgiving on a horse rescue farm with Rydell, her brother, and a shit ton of other family members. It was fun, something I hadn’t done since I was a little kid, and Bay being the youngest, she ate up the attention. Multiple trips to the barn to see the horses finally led to Rydell saddling one up and giving her a ride. Big mistake. Bay wouldn’t quit, and threw one hell of a fit when I finally made her get off.

  Rydell came from a country music family. Her dad played everything. The fiddle, guitar, harmonica, and the man could pick a banjo like Ralph Stanley. I couldn’t play because Bay decided to be clingy, but I didn’t mind at all. I loved standing around in a barn, listening to bluegrass. It reminded me of my Grandma Sarah and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I could see her, knitting something in her rocking chair on the front porch, her toe tapping with the exact same music. Despite the horse shit, I still smelled the nostalgic scent of something baking. Grandma Sarah was always baking something. Nobody made cherry pie like Grandma Sarah.

  I smiled down at Rydell picking her own guitar and giving Patsy Cline a run for her money. Girl made me proud, singing Blue Moon of Kentucky like she owned it. She winked at me as I moved my hand up Bay’s shirt, swaying her from side to side. Instant alarm bells rang in my head when I felt her hot skin.

  “What’s the matter, baby? Don’t you feel good?”

  “My mommy go?”

  I looked to my wrist for the time, deciding to take off, understanding why the sudden neediness. Bay was sick, and this was a new one. I needed to go home and dig out the Bay Bible. I hadn’t had to do that in over a week, but I had no clue what to do with a sick baby.

  I waited until Rydell finished singing to tell her we were going to take off.

  “Hey, I’m going to go. I don’t think she’s feeling well.”

  Rydell stood, propping her guitar to her chair, and came to me. Her hand went up Bay’s shirt, and mine covered hers. Her lips touched Bay’s head and her hand stroked her hair. “She does feel warm. Want me to come?”

  “No, you stay with your family. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “You sure?”

  “Very, we’re just going to go home and watch Joy.”

  “Ho hell.”

  “Really? Hotel Transylvania? Yay, way to step outside your comfort zone, Bay. I’ll call you later, babe.”

  Rydell kissed me goodbye and went back to her family. “Okay, I hope you feel better, baby. I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”

  I carried Bay in, sound asleep, wishing she would have waited until she got a bath. She smelled like a horse. With little help from Bay, I washed her hands and face, put her in her my bed with a tee-shirt and undies covered in Joy, and went to find the notebook. I kept it in the same place, a shelf in the office room that housed Bay’s artwork and that’s it. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t anywhere, and Kit wouldn’t be calling for another three hours.

  “Bridgett,” I said aloud. Unfortunately, she wasn’t around, but I wasn’t surprised. I knew she was going out on a boat with her new guy. For one quick second, I thought about calling my mom, but just for a blink. Google was the better choice and my new best friend. I woke Bay enough to squirt three quarters of a teaspoon of Tylenol down her throat. I chose to be safe rather than sorry and went with the under twenty-three pounds dose.

  Bay slept in my bed for two hours while I watched Carolina get their asses handed to them by the Patriots. Normally, I didn’t let her sleep that long this late in the day, but she was sick, and the next day was the day after Thanksgiving. No school. I didn’t care if she stayed up late, but I did care that she was sick. I hated it worse than anything.

  “I pee, Da-day.”

  “Hey, baby. You feel better?” I asked, as I stood from my slump on the couch to Bay with no pants. I lifted her up, kissing her forehead, happy that she didn’t feel as hot, still warm, but much better.

  It was sort of nice hanging out with Bay, just me and her. It had been a while since we’d spent an evening without Rydell. Bay rode around the house in her Bentley and made a mess while I watched football, interacting with her between plays.

  She crawled back onto my lap maybe an hour later, once again feeling hot.

  “Come on, let’s get you some medicine and a bath. You still smell like a horse.”

  “I wide a Belle.”

  “I know. You liked riding Belle, didn’t you? Are you going to tell Mommy about Belle.”


  Bay didn’t make it to tell her mommy about her day. She laid across my legs and fell asleep in five minutes, waiting.

  “Hey, ahh, she’s asleep already. She’s not sick, is she?”

  I don’t know why I lied to Kit. I guess for her. I didn’t want her to worry about her, knowing she couldn’t hold her. “Nah, long day. We spent our Thanksgiving on a horse rescue farm. Bay had a hay day. She’s just beat.”

  “Oh, thank God. Did she get to ride a horse?”

  “Oh yeah, but wait until tomorrow and let her tell you about it. She gets so excited. Did you get the package yet?”

  Kit looked around her empty room, contemplating her thoughts, before she spoke. “Yes, thank you so much. You should carry her to bed.”

  “Yeah, I will.”

  “I mean now.”


  “I thought maybe we could do it. I need it soooooo bad,” she implored, the so word being dramatically dragged out.

  It took me off my game for a second. I didn’t know how to respond to that.

  “What? You made me physically do it, and I said no. That’s rape.”

  I chuckled a little, considering her request. “It’s not rape when you spread your legs.”

  “Come on. Go put Bay to bed and come back. Let’s do it.”


  “Really? Don’t you watch television?”

  “Not much anymore. Bay being so busy keeps me busy. You should see the living room right now. It looks like a cyclone went through there.”

  “What’s wrong with you? You’re stalling? I didn’t expect this. I figured you would jump right on it. You don’t want to?”

  “Did you have this planned?”

  “Not planned, but I’ve thought about it today. Bay having a tiresome day just made me say it out loud.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  Again, I got that look. “I have a vibrator.”

/>   That got my attention. I carried Bay to her bed, trying to remember Rydell. Even though I knew with everything in me that it was wrong, and Rydell wouldn’t be okay with it, my dick twitched with excitement. That’s the only brain I could think with at the moment. It wasn’t like we were actually doing it. I couldn’t touch her. She couldn’t touch me. It was just an act. It wasn’t really cheating. It was porn. Yeah. That’s all it was. Porn.

  “Jesus, Kit,” I said, as soon as I sat back in front of my computer to her face and her bare breasts. “Let me see the rest.”

  “You have to show me first.”

  No problem. I dropped my shorts and stroked myself in my hand, instantly hard. Kit held up to her end and showed me, too. Oh, boy. A pink little baton with a curve at the end of it ran up and down her bare lips, but that’s all I could see.

  “Open your legs.”

  Kit did what I told her to do without speaking. Her legs opened, and I crumbled. I made a hissing noise when I saw how wet she was and coached her like she was right there. “Put your feet on the desk. Move them out. Hmm, yeah, baby. Rub it around your clit.”

  “I’ll come.”

  “Don’t. Not yet. Rub it, Kit.”

  I don’t know if it could have been hotter had she been right in front of me. I stroked myself with the same rhythm she used to circle her swollen little button. Her faint whimpers and the way her hips swirled into her toy, the way she sucked her bottom lip in and bit it to keep from surrendering to the pleasure was hot as hell.

  “Stroke it harder, Brantley. Get up on your knees.”

  I tilted the screen where I could still see her and came to my knees, shoving my hips forward for show.

  “Slide it inside your pussy, Kit.”

  “Aahh,” she moaned, as the device slid in and out, the wetness heard through my speakers.

  “Hmm, yeah, baby. Rub it.”

  Kit and I carried this on for at least twenty minutes, and she did every single thing I told her to do, including the finale. All fours on her bed, the little pink toy moving in and out of her while she cried out and dropped to her bed. The exact same time that I spewed to my own hand.

  Kit took a few more moments to ride out the waves, and slid on a tee-shirt like we hadn’t just had cybersex. “Oh, my God. I knew it would be that way with you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I questioned over my shoulder, walking to the bathroom to wash my own hands.

  Kit didn’t answer and I didn’t elaborate. “I got your package. It made my day. Thanks for doing that. It means a lot.”

  “Eh, it was nothing. Hang on. I want to go get Bay.”


  “Because I want her with me. I’ll be right back.”

  I carried Bay back to my bed to be close to her. It made me feel better for her to be in my bed where I could keep an eye on her.

  “Why did you do that, Brantley?”

  I covered Bay and she snuggled up with Phil. “I told her she could sleep in my bed. She doesn’t forget stuff.”

  Kit laughed, pulling her knees to her chest. “You got that right. I loved the photo of her and the kitty.”

  “Ugh. She drives me crazy with that thing. It hangs out in the alley at the church, and we have to go pet it every single day. She calls him titty.”

  “What’s this?”

  “Bridgette’s Bentley,” I said through a smile, while she showed me the photo of Bay wearing my cowboy hat and driving around the house in her expensive car. “I can’t believe you just now got it. I sent it almost two weeks ago.”

  “I Phil.”

  “Right here, bug,” I said, as Bay raised up, Phil stuck under her belly.

  “Hi, Bay. Mommy loves you so much.”

  “Wus you so much,” Bay said, with closed eyes and her arms going around her security.

  “Where the hell did she get that thing anyway?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  “Remember what?”

  “April Fool’s day. We were in front of the Chinese restaurant below your apartment, waiting for a cab to take me to the airport after our weekend. Some street vendor kept bugging you to buy one of his authentic stuffed animals for your girl. You gave him a twenty dollar bill and told me to pick one.”

  “I remember that. That was Phil? I thought it was a frog.”

  “Nope, that was Phil, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

  “Why the hell did you name him Phil?”

  Kit tossed one hand into the air and sipped on something red. “That was all Bay. I have no idea why she named him Phil.”

  “Do you think she knew that it was from me?”

  Kit shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s the only one she ever wanted.”

  “I should have been there.”

  “You’re there now.”

  “I’m always going to be here now.”

  “But you’re giving her back.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “That makes me happy, Brantley. I’m so glad you feel that way and don’t worry. I’ll share.”

  “I didn’t think I could love anyone this much.”

  “She has that effect on people. Have you talked to Bridge? How was her day with Colin?”

  “Bridge? So what, you two are best friends now?”

  “We talk a few times a week. I like her. She’s going there next weekend.”

  “Oh, that’s nice to know. Thanks for giving me the heads up.”

  “No problem. Did you talk to your mom?”

  My fingers stopped brushing Bay’s hair back at the same time my eyebrows took a dive toward my nose. “My mom?”

  “Yeah, I mean, it is Thanksgiving.”

  “What the fuck? No. Did you talk to your mom?”

  Kit snorted. “She’s too busy for me right now. Hockey.”

  “Hockey? I thought your step-dad coached basketball.”

  “Yeah, but his twin brother coaches for the Chicago Seahawks. They have a big game tomorrow. They’re traveling.”



  “What about your dad?”

  “I talked to him for a whole two-minutes and twelve seconds. He’s busy, too.”

  “With what?”

  I wasn’t sure if Kit needed someone to listen, or I needed someone to talk to, but for whatever reason, I listened to her tell me things I didn’t know. Her mom and dad got a divorce after her and her older brother were raised, but she had a feeling both her parents were busy with extra marital affairs long before that.

  “I mean, it’s stupid. You know? Why cheat? If your time with someone is up, then move on. Right?”

  I didn’t want to think about that; although, what we did was not cheating. It was porn. That’s all it was. “My dad left when I was four.”


  I shrugged and glanced over to Bay. “I don’t know. I was four. I don’t remember much about him, but I remember that day like it was yesterday.”


  Another shrug. “I just do. Bridgett was sitting in a booster chair at the table and I was right across from her, eating cereal. It was a Saturday morning. I heard rustling around from the living room and started shoving food down my throat, afraid that he would leave without me. I can remember sticking my tongue out at Bridgette and teasing her because she couldn’t go.”

  “And then what?”

  I blew out a puff of air, wondering why the hell I had just ejected shit from my mouth that I didn’t talk about. “I went out the front door and to the garage to find him, right to my brand new Spiderman pole. When I tried to put it in the trunk with his, he stopped me and closed the trunk, but not before I saw all of his things. Even at four, I knew what he was up to. I asked him why his clothes were in there and he shushed me, looking around for my mom. He told me to go in the house and be a good boy.”

  “Wow, Brantley. That sucks. He never came back?”

  “Nope. When I asked him if he was going fi
shing without me, he said yes, and for me to go inside. That was it. That’s how he left.”

  “Did you tell your mom?”

  “No, I didn’t think he left her. I thought he left me. It took her a couple of days to finally figure it out. He went fishing without me and never came home.”

  “My dad just told me he had to go because his family was waiting for him to carve the turkey. What the fuck am I, ya know?”

  “Let’s not suck at parenting Bay, anymore.”

  “I’m sucking right now?”

  “No, you’re not. You’re doing amazing. She looks forward to this time every day. She’s knows you’re doing a good thing. I tell her.”

  Kit smiled a genuine smile and thanked me. “That means a lot.”

  I returned the sincere jester and grinned a crooked smile. “She means a lot.”

  “Thanks again for the package, and thanks for taking care of me. I need to get back to the village. I promised Beno I would bring him a stick of gum. Thanks for that, too. The kids love it, and the individual packs of Kool-Aid. Genius. That was perfect.”

  I nodded, feeling a tremendous sense of guilt. That wasn’t me. That was all Rydell. I was only planning to send the photos, and maybe a few pieces of art work from Bay’s preschool. It was Rydell’s idea to send her a care package. “Night, Kit.”

  “Night, Brantley. Take care of my baby girl.”

  “No need to worry about that.”

  I closed my laptop with a heavy breath, and picked up my guitar. Getting lost in music was always the best medicine, but it did little for the guilt I felt about what I had done with her.

  Regardless of what happened between Kit and me, I forgot about it. I let it go, and moved on as if it never happened, but I would be lying if I didn’t think about it a couple times. Maybe once while I used a similar toy on Rydell. But at the end of the day, it was a memory, and she was thousands of miles away. That was the same as it never happening, or so I tried to tell myself anyway.


  Bridgette didn’t come the following weekend because I had a better idea. It hit me right out of the blue first thing Monday morning. Math class. Subtraction with regrouping. They sucked at it.


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