I'm Just a Normal Kid with Girl Problems (Free Preview), page 1
I’m Just a Normal Kid with Girl Problems
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
I’m Just a Normal Kid with Girl Problems (Book 1). ©Copyright 2013 by J.C. Alexander. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means without written consent except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
P.O. Box 68878
Virginia Beach, VA 23471
First Edition: August 2013
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Editors: Letitia Carrington & Kelly Walker-White
Interior Layout: Davida Baldwin (OddBalldsgn.com)
Illustrator & Cover Design: Trevor Lucas
Printed in the United States of America
Chapter One – Dillon
Life couldn’t get any better. My best friend Zach and I were two of the most popular kids in school. We were both skateboard champions and we could go out with any girl in school. The choices were plentiful. Girls would literally stand in line for the chance to be in the company of Zach or myself. They’d even pay us to date them if we wanted them to. So when Zach called me from his iPhone and told me we had a new babe moving into our neighborhood, I was eager to check out my new prospect. “Look out of your bedroom window. She’s getting out of the car with her parents right now,” he instructed me.
Zach was a part of our neighborhood watch. Well, he wasn’t officially a part of the adult’s association, so he kind of made up his own club since he saw almost everything that went on and around our neighborhood. “Oh my God! I see her legs.” Zach whispered as if he’d spoken any louder she’d hear him.
“Do you see how big her dad is?” I asked Zach.
“Of course I do, he’s blocking my view!” Zach responded sarcastically.
“Why don’t cha’ yell and tell him to move?” I laughed.
“And watch how our whole operation goes up in smoke, I don’t think so.”
“Hey, look he’s moving…” I interjected and then we both fell silent. “Oh my God! I see her!” I continued after I got a full view of her entire body.
“Tell me she’s not the most beautiful girl in the world and I will personally vote you out of the club.” Zach warned me.
The new girl walked in front of her dad and headed towards their front door. My eyes were glued to the way she glided up the sidewalk. To see her hair blow in the wind was magical. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Zach was right. She was a freaking knockout! Her hair was long, blonde and curly. And her skin looked smooth as a newly paved road. I could only wonder how she got so beautiful. “Dillon, I think I’m in love.” Zach commented.
“I think I’m in love too.” I replied as we both daydreamed about holding her in our arms.
“Well, let’s make a wager on who gets her first.” Zach suggested.
“Oh no! Keep your money. I can’t ever have another episode of your mom beating down my front door. My parents busted my balls for hours after your mom told them you had gambled all your lunch money away to me.” I began to reiterate.
Making bets were common between Zach and I. Occasionally we’d make wagers on who’d do the best skateboard tricks at the skate part and Zach always ended up on the losing side.
#What can I say? He was the biggest loser in the world!
“Tell you what, whoever gets her phone number first must do the other’s homework for one entire week.” Zach suggested.
“Okay. That sounds fair. When do we start?” I wanted to know. Zach was a very competitive guy and he took it hard whenever he’d lose a bet against me. Zach was a sore loser period. The only reason why he and I were friends was because we hung out at the same skate park and we lived on the same block.
“Let’s start now,” he replied.
“Are you sure you wanna do this? You could definitely save yourself some time and the embarrassment by starting my homework assignments tonight.” I said confidently.
“Yeah, sure I’ll start on it. But make sure you give it to your mom before she leaves the house to come over and give me a foot massage.”
“Not on your life Shrek! My dad would bury you alive if he knew you had the hots for his wife.” I commented.
“Correction sport! Your mom has the hots for me.”
While Zach was making outlandish comments about my mother, I blocked him out and searched our beautiful new neighbor’s face and noticed that she looked a few years older than Zach and myself. This major mix-up could derail my chances of winning the bet. So I immediately redirected his attention back to our new neighbor. “Zach, do you see what I see?” I asked him.
“What is it?”
“I don’t think she’s going to be gracing the hallways of our school. She looks at least two years older than us. And you of all people know that if she got us by a couple of years then we’d get snubbed the first time she notice us checking her out.”
“Don’t speak too fast Einstein. Let me do some investigating and I’ll call you back.”
“Patience lover boy. Patience.”
“Call me back as soon as you get the word.”
“Will do.” Zach assured me and then he disconnected our call.
Immediately after my chat with Zach ended, I sat there and stared out the window and watched my future girlfriend as she strolled up to her parent’s new home. It was an enjoyment to see the wind blow through her hair. She was definitely my kind of girl and I vowed to make sure she knew it.
“Dillon, it’s lunch time.” I heard my mother yell from the kitchen.
“I’ll be down in a minute mom.” I yelled without taking my eyes off the blonde beauty from across the street. I watched her as she helped her parents carry several grocery bags into the house.
Immediately after my blonde babe disappeared into her house I zipped down to the kitchen where my mom was destroying what culinary dreams she had left. The kitchen was literally engulfed in smoke. I fanned my way to the kitchen table where she had my grilled cheese sandwich awaiting my arrival. As soon as I took a seat the smoke detector went off. ERRR…IRRRR….ERRR. It sounded like a police siren. It ranged out throughout the entire kitchen. My mother hopped on top of one of the kitchen chairs with a hand towel in one hand and tried to fan away the smoke. “Mom do you want me to do that?” I yelled.
“No baby, I got it. Just eat your lunch before it gets cold.” She yelled back. This was her way of making sure I heard her loud and clear.
I had to admit that my mom was a basket case. I couldn’t believe she was worried about my lunch getting cold. She should’ve been more concerned about me dying from smoke inhalation. I stood up from the kitchen chair. “Seriously mom, we need to get out of this house before we both die.”
“Dillon honey, stop with the exaggeration. We only have a little smoke problem.” She explained. My mother was a straggly, thin lady who’d try to save the world if she could. All she needed was a red cape strapped to her back and she’d be the next superhero.
“Do you have any last words?” I asked her. I felt it was my duty to tell the rest of the family her last and final w
“Dillon stop distracting me. I’ve got to get this smoke under control,” she replied as she continued to fan the smoke away from the smoke detector.
“Well, I’m gonna be outside if you change your mind.” I told her. I figured if the house was going to burn down then it was going down without me.
“Take your lunch with you.” She yelled over the alarm.
#Is she freaking serious right now? That sandwich is contaminated!
Chapter Two – Zach
I skated over to Dillon’s house on my Tony Hawk skateboard. I did a couple of heel and kick flips the second I came within five yards of his front yard just in case the new beautiful, blonde neighbor happened to be looking out of her bedroom window. I’ve been told that you’re never given a second chance to make a first impression. Dillon and I had a bet going so the pressure was on. “Why are you looking like you lost your best friend?” I cracked a smile. Dillon was looking kind of weird.
“I just escaped from a burning house. How else would I look?” he commented.
“I take it your mom was trying to cook again.”
“Yeah, she was. And if my dad was home he’d ban her from the kitchen altogether.”
I hopped off my skateboard and took a seat next to Dillon on his porch. We both stared at the house directly across the street. “Think she has a boyfriend?” Dillon asked me.
“If she does, you’re screwed.” I replied.
“No, we’re both screwed.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m a hopeless romantic. Girls can’t resist me.” I told him as I glanced into the sky.
Dillon burst into laughter. “Yeah, Gabriella couldn’t resist you either. Remember she told everyone in school that you two made out after the football game? I think your stock went up like two cents a share after that.”
“Don’t remind me.” I frowned. Thinking about how Gabriella almost ruined my reputation gave me a nauseating feeling in my stomach. It took me almost a whole school year to settle a few bribes to get back in the good graces of my peers.
“Hey wait, did you find out if she’s going to our school or not?”
“My sources haven’t gotten back with me. But they will. Don’t worry.”
Moment’s later Dillon’s mother opened the front door. She looked disoriented and her clothes were in disarray. Dillon’s family may need to call an intervention. The lady looked like she had just had an alien encounter. I sat there and looked at her in amazement. “Hi Zach,” she smiled.
“Hi Mrs. Carmichael,” I replied. But in my mind I was laughing at how weird she looked.
“How’s your mother?”
“I’m not sure. But I know she’s not burning down our house.”
Dillon punched me in the arm while Mrs. Carmichael chuckled. “You kids are so hilarious.” She said and then she turned her attention towards Dillon. “Honey, you didn’t eat your lunch. And now it’s cold.”
#She had me sitting inside of a gas chamber with a burnt grilled cheese sandwich. Talk about torture!
“Mom, the conditions of the kitchen weren’t exactly user friendly. Believe me, I would’ve died before I had the chance to eat half of my sandwich.”
“Well, you know your dad doesn’t like it when you waste food so I’ll wrap it up and put it in the refrigerator for later.”
Dillon let out a long sigh. “All right, mom.”
Okay, well you kids behave.” Mrs. Carmichael said and then she closed the front door.
Dillon and I turned our attention back to the house across the street. He and I were in deep thought until I said, “I wonder if her parents allow her to date.”
“Why don’t you just go on over there and ask?”
“Hey look, she’s coming outside.” I announced as my heart started beating more rapidly than normal. The last time my heart raced at this speed was when I thought my math teacher Mrs. Barton had caught me cheating on her math test.
“She’s looking over here.” Dillon sounded alarmed. And then he turned his head. I turned my head too.
#It’s not cool for a guy to get caught gawking at a hot girl.
That’s Rule #3 in the How to Date a Hot Girl manual. Dillon and I both acted like we were looking at something down the block from his house. But did I mention that we had our peripheral visions working in overdrive?
“Is she still looking at us?” I asked him.
“No, she’s getting something out of her parent’s car.”
“What is she doing now?” My questions continued.
“She’s going back in the house now.” Dillon told me. So, I turned my attention towards her. I figured this would be the best time to take in more of her physical beauty. She was perfect. And all I needed was for her to be my girlfriend and my life would be complete.
Once she disappeared into her house again, Dillon and I couldn’t stop talking about her. She was surely a knockout and she was my neighbor, which gave me easy access. Of course Dillon would dispute that fact, but who cared?
Not too long after my blonde beauty went inside of her parent’s house, our attention was diverted to this girl riding her bike. When she looked over at Dillon and I she lost her balance and fell off her bike. I burst into laughter. But lover boy ran to her rescue.
“Are you okay?” I heard Dillon ask her as he helped her get her bike off the ground.
“Why don’t you give her a kiss Romeo? I’m sure it’ll make her feel a lot better.” I yelled. The girl’s name he helped was Meagan. She lived at the end of our block. She also attended our school. But we didn’t co-mingle with her because she wasn’t on the hot list. She’d need a drastic makeover to get me to look at her for more than five minutes. She was definitely not my type.
#I’d let her carry my books & do my homework. But that was it.
Chapter Three – Dillon
My dad finally came home after playing a few games of golf with his investment buddies. My sister Julie came home a few minutes later with her best friend Molly. Julie and Molly were seniors at their high school and they were always up to no good. She played this innocent role around my parents but I knew what went on in her bedroom. Skyping topless in front of her laptop computer for a bunch of morons in her senior class to gain the homecoming queen vote was the dumbest idea she could’ve ever mustered up. Zach caught his older brother Matt and a few of his pals drooling in front of his computer monitor during one of my sister’s strip teases. Zach even came clean and told me how he hid underneath his brother’s bed a few time so he could see her from start to finish. “She starts at the exact same time everyday like she’s on regular TV. All that’s missing are a few commercials.” He told me. For a few seconds, he reminded me of a dirty old man. The thought of it almost made me throw up in my mouth.
#That was definitely a “TMI” moment.
“Dillon have you been in my room?” My sister Julie yelled from the other side of my bedroom door.
I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, playing with my Xbox Kinect when my sibling from hell interrupted me. “No, I haven’t.” I yelled back.
“So, tell me why my closet door is open?”
“Dude, why don’t you ask mom?” I yelled once again. All I wanted her to do was catch the hint that I didn’t want to be bothered.
#I wanted to open my door & give her the finger, but I didn’t want to interrupt my game.
She punched my door. “I know you’re lying. Just stay out of my room.” She screamed.
I ignored her and continued playing my game. Believe it or not, my sister was a drama queen. In her own little perfect world, everything revolved around her. Unfortunately for her, I had enough common sense to know that she was psychotic and delusional. Remind me to put an “Enter at Your Own Risk” sign on her door.
#Beware my sister is one red nose
short of being a clow
Not too long after my sister Julie left my bedroom door harassing me, my dad decided he wanted to talk. He knocked on my door twice. “Dillon, I need to talk to you son.” He said.
I dreaded getting up to open the door, but I knew he wasn’t going to go anywhere until he had his say. Whatever that was. My dad had the tendency to go on and on about things that didn’t make much sense to a kid my age. But I listened anyway. “Have you met our new neighbors?” he asked me immediately after he walked into my room.
I stood there and looked at him from head to toe. My dad was a pretty short guy. He was also a suit and tie guy. And to make matters worse, he thought he was cool.
#Can you say Weirdo?
“No, I haven’t met them. But I saw them unloading a few things from their car not too long ago.” I told him.
“Your mother just baked them a pie. I think you ‘ought to go over there with her when she goes to welcome them into the neighborhood. Who knows, their daughter may get the hots for you.” He smiled.
I immediately became grossed out when I saw all the leftover meatloaf from last night’s dinner barricaded between my dad’s teeth. In my opinion he needed to be more concerned about flossing than about whether or not I’d accompany my mother when she makes a b-line to our neighbor’s house.
He also needed to be concerned about my mom’s pie. I figured once they take the first bite of her pie, they’d probably take out restraining orders on all of us. Talk about a major disaster!
“Dad, allowing mom to take them one of her pies isn’t a very good idea. You know she can’t boil a pot of hot water without the smoke detector going off.”