Haven House, page 11




My body heated, and I moaned, lifting my head. His lips traced a fiery path along my jaw and down my neck as I arched my back.
With a growl, he tugged away. Below me, I detected a distinct hardness.
“Damien?”
His chest bellowed, as did mine, the fever still present in my blood. “Let me say this once, Ammy. I want you. I would strip you naked and have my way with you here on the desk if I could. If you were willing and ready. But you aren’t. I’ll wait for that, and someday, you will be. But I am a man, Ammy. Your nearness feeds the beast inside me. Makes me want you and forever. What’s between us is more than simple lust.”
I couldn’t look away, the connection between us pulsing with excitement.
The words shocked me, because he’d never pushed this hard before. It both scared and surprised me. What did I want? The question ate at me.
He sighed and shook his head. “You aren’t ready, so I’ll wait. Now, Port Alino.”
The change of subject surprised me. He dragged the map closer and pointed at it. “Here. It’s a small community on the coastline, fishing and cloth manufacturing. They’re also building a new facility for the manufacturing and distillation of apothecarists’ decoctions based on natural elements found locally.”
“Medical supplies?” I blinked, amazed at what he was proposing.
His smile melted away. “Many of the medications in general use are based on synthetics and owned by the Igneous Corporation. The costs are astronomical, as no one else competes against them. That puts them out of the reach of common men and women. I’ve brought distillation artificers to Port Alino. Masters in the field. We need adequate supplies before we can approach the health committees about replacing the lesser items with ours. Lower cost, better quality.”
“And you propose we base ourselves there until you have more information?”
“Yes.”
At his elbow came an imperious ping. Our heads swivelled. “My communicase.”
I stood and moved to the side as he reached out and pulled the tape toward him, then scanned it.
* * *
Who is the missing girl from Haven? We might have our first clear break. AC.
* * *
Andrew had asked for information I could easily give him. Except I didn’t want to. It was like every aspect of my life was tainted by the time in that place.
I just want to forget about it and be normal again!
Damien’s gaze captured mine. “Do you know the missing woman Andrew is enquiring about?”
I nodded, my mind wanting to shy away from what I’d seen that night. “Eldora. She was a newer wife. Came from outside Haven. Junior had to travel as there was some sort of agreement.” I willed myself to remember those details without the scent of copper and the scarlet ribbons of fluid I’d seen. There’d been so much, and even now, my stomach threatened to evacuate what was within.
“Ammy?” Damien was up immediately, winding his arms around me.
I leaned in, needing the strength and support he offered. “He killed her. At least I think he did.” The memories wouldn’t go away. They washed over me, heating and then chilling me to my marrow at the same time. “There was so much blood. She was never seen again.”
Rivers of fluid streamed down my face, and I hid my head in his chest, needing what he wordlessly gave me. I gripped the sleeves of his jacket, hands numb against the chill I couldn’t will away.
“I’m sorry, Ammy. I know it’s hard, but I need to know what you remember. Tell me everything.”
My stomach roiled at the request, and I gulped. “I don’t want to,” I choked out while my eyes remained squeezed shut. It didn’t chase away what I’d seen. It was as if it were burned in my brain and eyes.
“I know, Ammy.” He rubbed my back with one hand while the other kept me firmly anchored to him. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was important.”
I sniffled, accepting the truth in his words. Pushing the details out was like shoving at boulders, each dislodged with great effort. “She came to the house maybe a few months before. She was meant for Junior, and he took her to wife. She wasn’t happy, even though he’d put her in the consort’s suite. She didn’t talk to us, treated the unmarried girls like we were less—or at least she did with most of the other women. She’d talk to me sometimes, when I tidied her rooms, and we were friends.” I sagged against him as the words slid out a little easier and sighed. “She came from another place. She told me where, but I don’t remember. Said she’d been some kind of princess, but she came to detest Junior and Master. She fell pregnant, and Junior became even more pompous than usual, strutting around saying he was going to be well rewarded for his efforts.”
The memory of those days, the constant fear that he’d also notice me, hit hard. “He’d been absent from the house for weeks, then returned, but he was different. That night, she’d been sick and hadn’t bent to his will. Refused to attend the affiancing dinner for his younger brother. Eldora had been docile and meeting all his demands, but Junior took it badly. Said it was a loss of face and couldn’t be tolerated. She suffered terrible sickness during the pregnancy, not that he worried about it at all.”
I sucked in a breath as memories filled my mind.
“He went upstairs, and I heard him shouting at her. The entire household did. She yelled back, and then the screaming started. His and hers. Then silence.” I hiccupped and opened my eyes.
“Ammy, what happened?”
Shaking my head was all I was capable of as the tang of bile filled my throat. “He came down a little while later, demanding I assist to clean the suite. There was blood everywhere in the room and on him. I never saw Eldora again. He left that night, returned the next day, but no one said anything. It’s the way it was in the sect. She wasn’t the first to disappear and likely won’t be the last either.”
Damien swore, and I felt when his muscles tensed further. “I’m sorry. Sit down and I’ll pour you a tea.”
He settled me into a chair, then moved away. I scrunched down into the padding of the wooden chair, seeking any warmth I could find. He returned quickly, setting the cup on the table before me and hunkering down. “We’ll find her. We’ll fix this.”
I looked up. “If only you could,” I said. No one would ever make this better until the religious groups were disbanded. Andrew and Damien might work together, but I knew there were other cults. They shared connections and women, their reach all-encompassing.
“Damien?”
He glanced at me in silence.
“I want to forget it all. I want to never have to remember any of this.”
His eyes closed, but not before I saw the pain in them. When he opened them, he’d erected a wall around the pity. “I know. We’ll find out who’s responsible, Ammy. They will pay. Junior will pay for killing Eldora. As will Master. But first we have to find out who’s following you. Find out why they nearly killed the children and murdered those on Andrew’s dirigible. They must be brought to justice.”
He was right, but it didn’t quell the terror that lived deep inside me.
I could never go back. I’d rather die first.
Chapter Eleven
Francesca sat beside me at the table. This was the third night she’d joined us for dinner, and she was clearly feeling a little more comfortable given the shy way she answered the junior lieutenant’s query.
“My brothers and sisters are fun, but downstairs is a little stifling.”
The young man in his teens was showing a distinct fondness toward her, and I didn’t want to encourage it. Thankfully, the sweets were being rolled in.
We waited in silence as they were placed before us. Then Francesca turned to me. “What is this?”
The icy dessert was unlike anything I’d ever seen before, and I turned to Damien.
“Sorbet,” he informed us, and I watched as he raised his spoon and scooped some of the pink concoction up. “Try it,” he suggested.
I followed suit and tasted it. “Strawberry!”
The captain laughed. “Yes, Ms Coultihan. We try to ensure anyone travelling with us has at least a varied array of delicacies to try.”
“Indeed you do, but when are we likely to make landfall?”
Damien coughed. “The captain has assured me that late tomorrow we should see land. We’ll pull into port the morning after, unload the cargo, and I’ll plan for the house to be made ready. We should be able to leave the ship in two days.”
Not that I didn’t like the ship. That wasn’t it at all. But I was feeling the effects of being cooped up for so long with nothing to see but the sea.
Francesca smiled. “The boys will appreciate that! They’re sick of the cabin and only being able to walk around once a day. They’re going to get themselves in trouble soon. Mama always said you couldn’t coop up a good boy, let alone one meant for trouble.” Then her face dropped. “Is there any news?”
Damien shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, Francesca. Mrs Coultihan had her brought to her house, and we’ll hear when the time comes.”
The girl’s lower lip trembled. “May I be excused please, Sheriff? Captain? Miss Ammy?”
She was grieving and putting a brave face on it. Even though her mother had not yet passed, she clearly felt the loss keenly.
“Of course,” I offered with a soft voice. My heart ached for the younger girl.
Francesca left the table, and the door slid shut behind her. The young lieutenant rose to follow her, but Damien shook his head. “I don’t think that would be appropriate.”
He returned to his seat, and I wordlessly thanked Damien for his help. I knew Francesca was unaware of the lieutenant’s interest. She was also not in any condition to accept any advances he might make. Besides, she’d told me she wanted to become a doctor, and unless she changed her mind, I would not allow someone to come between her and what she most desired. She’d gone without so much in her youngest years that I would fight to give her what she wanted.
As the bowls were collected, the captain suggested coffee. I excused myself, surprised to see Damien follow suit. Once in the hallway, I turned to him. “I need to check on Francesca.”
He nodded and followed without a word. His presence reassured me, and by the time I’d reached the suite, I felt better. Opening the door, I glanced inside, and there on the sofa sat Francesca. Streaks smeared her cheeks.
“Jessie is in the cabin with the boys,” she murmured. “They were restless.”
“I’m sorry, Francesca. I can see you’re upset.”
She shook her head. “I knew she was sick. We kept it from the others for as long as we could, but Simeon realised it before anyone else. Mama always said it would be the death of her, the religion, and I guess it was, in a roundabout way. But Papa is dead, and Mama…”
I wound my arms around her. “I know I can’t be your mama. But I can be your friend, Francesca. If you’ll let me.” I meant it. Every word.
She nodded and dropped her head to my shoulder. I glanced back at Damien, who waited by the door, his face soft with sadness as Francesca cried silently in my arms.
Tears pricked my eyes, but I blinked them away because she needed me to be strong. To be there for her.
Gradually, her grip on me eased, and she tugged away. “I’m sorry, Miss Ammy. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I mock scowled. “Yes you should. Your mama asked me to care for you. All of you. That’s exactly what I plan to do. I understand your fears. I grew up in Haven House.”
Her spine stiffened. “You’re one—”
Before I could argue or explain, Damien advanced and crouched down. “Miss Ammy isn’t. She got away. Escaped, the same as you have. She understands how you feel. Her mama died, and so did her papa. She has her brother, but they don’t really know each other.”
I almost dissolved into a puddle, because everything he said was right.
I loved Andrew and was grateful he was alive. As for our other siblings, I didn’t yet know what had become of them. We’d had so little time together. I’d been alone a long time and had spent so many years controlling myself, my impulses, and being strong for me that I hadn’t let my guard down during the few weeks I’d been with him and Gloriana.
His glance caught me by surprise, but in his eyes, I read acceptance and something else.
Francesca pulled away. “I… I’ll be all right now. It just crept up on me. Surprised me is all.”
I watched sympathetically as she swiped at her eyes. “It’ll come back. Creep up on you. When you feel sad, it’s okay to ask for help.” I kept my words quiet, so no one outside the room heard them.
Her tremulous smile assured me she understood. I just hoped that one day, I could also mourn as she had.
“We’ll leave you now,” Damien said and took my elbow, steering me from the room.
When the door shut, he spun me slowly. “You believe everything you said, and yet who do you lean on, Ammy?”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. There was no answer, because who could I possibly rely on?
He pulled me close. The move was gentle, and I sighed. “I wish I’d had someone when I was younger.” I curled my fingers into the lapels of his jacket.
“You’ve got me now, Ammy. I’m here for you.”
When he kissed me, I wanted to melt into the embrace. I wound my arms around the back of his neck and gave in to the pleasure that coursed through me.
He moved with a jerk, swinging me up into his arms.
I tugged back from his lips, saw the glint in his eyes, dangerous with desire and hunger.
The same hunger that burned in my belly.
Striding up the hall, we remained silent, as if communing on a soul-deep level.
We went up the stairs, and when he reached my cabin, he stilled. “If I enter, there can be no going back, Ammy.” His voice ground against me, and I shivered.
Right here and now, I needed to decide. Could I accept him, this man, into my life? Could I trust him with who I was?
“Ammy?”
I opened my mouth and slid from his grasp. Did it have to be forever? Couldn’t I just take a chance? Grasp what he offered and see where it went?
Selfish, my mind said.
Take it, my body screamed as all my nerve endings quivered with desire.
“I can’t promise forever, Damien. I don’t know what I can…”
He shook his head, his lips flattening. “No. When you’re ready—”
Urgency punched into me, and I grabbed for his coat, hauled him close, and sealed his mouth with mine.
We moved, me pulling him closer and Damien following, the handle of my cabin door biting into my spine. I released one hand and reached back to open it.
I pushed inside while he held me upright as the passion rose and threaded around us both.
He kicked the door shut and lifted his head. “Ammy, don’t do this unless…” He gulped as I reached for the bodice of my gown.
“I’m in control of my life, Damien. I want you.” I stared at him, unblinking and willing him to understand that for all I was terrified, I wanted what he was offering now.
He reached out and stilled my hand. “I’m a lifetime man. You take me now, then be aware this is forever.”
It was my turn to gulp. “I’m…” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to work out how to tell him I didn’t expect that from him and that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment.
Long moments passed, and I opened my eyes, my gaze roaming over his features.
He frowned. “I can’t be with you until you’re ready, Ammy.”
My hands fell away from the buttons, bodice gaping and revealing the chemise I wore beneath it. “I want this, Damien.”
He grimaced. “I want it too, but I want you. I feel that what’s between us could be more, so I’m not willing to settle for a simple act of pleasure. I want you, Ammy. I want to love you and live with you. But I won’t settle for less. I won’t let you settle for less either.”
He stepped back, away from me, and I bit my lip. In his voice, there was uncertainty.
“I’m not ready to promise forever, Damien. I don’t even know me, let alone what I want.”
“Then I’ll leave you, Ammy.” He turned on his heel and opened the door.
I wanted to call him back. I wanted his passion and the heat of him. I wanted…
What I want terrifies me. Because I do want hearts, flowers, and promises of a lifetime.
I gulped once again and started to call him back, but the click of the door told me it was too late, and I was once more alone.
I slept fitfully. Rising in the morning, I washed my face and noted the dark circles beneath my eyes. On my breakfast tray was a white sheet of paper.
* * *
Letitia passed last night.
Andrew
* * *
Closing my eyes, I absorbed the blow, well aware that I would need to tell Francesca first, then broach it with the boys. Samson and Simeon were old enough to grasp the gravity of the message, but I didn’t think the girls would understand given their ages.
I took extra care, smoothing my hair back, but didn’t eat as my stomach roiled. On shaking legs, I made my way down to the suite and was surprised to find the young lieutenant loitering in the hallway. Frustration roared inside me, but I tamped it down.
“Lieutenant, what are you doing down here?” I couldn’t control the sharpness of my tone, and he blushed a deep and totally unbecoming shade of beetroot.
“Uh, Miss Amaryllis, the captain gave me this for you. I thought…” He looked down and shuffled his feet. “Miss Francesca…” he garbled.
I huffed. “Thank you. Now, about your duties, sailor,” I grouched, as I’d seen Damien do before.
“Yes, ma’am.” He escaped.
For a moment, I felt a hint of regret, but it melted away as I opened the missive.
* * *
We expect to make landfall later today. It would be best if the children remained inside until we are assured of their safety.