Catching the CEO (The CEO Duet, #2), page 16
She sounds hoarse and emotional, appearing to struggle with getting the words out at all. But she does and I can’t believe them.
“All those years, I thought you would be mine. That one day, you would realize you felt more than friendship. That we would be together at last. But that day never came and I realize it never will.”
It hurts me to see the sorrow on that pretty doll face of hers. I get up and walk around my desk to comfort her.
“Don’t, Sebastian. Don’t touch me. If you touch me ...”
“If I touch you, then what?”
“If you touch me, I will want to touch you. I will grab your face and kiss you on your lips, as I imagined many times I would. I will hold you and never let you go. And then I’ll ruin everything. I’ll ruin us, everything we have. I love you too much to ruin this. I cherish our friendship way too much to ruin it this way. That’s why I’m leaving.”
“I don’t want you to go, Barbara. I can’t bear being without you.”
“I cannot stand to see you with her. I am so jealous, it’s destroying me. I’m furious that she gets to have you and I don’t. That I never even had a chance with you, and that she does. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I don’t get to experience that. Why her and not me? I’ve done everything I could to be perfect for you. Everything about me is perfect, and still that is not enough. When will I be enough?”
The despair and sorrow in her voice does strange things to my insides. I have never seen her like this. I never knew that she had these feelings. Ever. Maybe I was too obsessed with Nina, causing me to overlook this. How is this possible? These thoughts are flying through my brain while I look at her in silence. It pains me to see her like this, to know that I am the reason that she’s so unhappy. She’s one of my girls. One of my girls. How did I not see this, even though we are so close? I could punch myself.
I’m trying to figure out what the hell to say to her when she suddenly gets up, turns around, and walks out of my office. I’m watching her go and I realize I have to do something. I cannot let her leave like this and rush after her. In the corridor, where phones ring and people talk, it has become very quiet all of a sudden. Employees watch me storm out of my office but I don’t care. I catch up with her the moment she pushes the elevator button.
“Barbara ... Doll ...” I use her nickname, hoping to make her realize I don’t want her to do this.
“Don’t.” She doesn’t even look at me. She turns around and marches to the stairway. She wants to get away so badly she doesn’t even want to wait for the elevator. The door to the stairway opens and she disappears. I run after her and when I open the door, I hear the click click click of her stilettos on the concrete stairs.
“Please, Barbara, stop. Let’s talk for a minute. Don’t leave like this.”
She doesn’t respond, just keeps walking, and I follow her. What else can I do? I’m completely thrown off. We end up in the underground garage, where all our cars are parked. She pushes the button on her key fob and climbs in the driver’s side of her car. I cannot understand how she got her keys out so quickly. I position myself in front of the car, so she cannot leave the parking spot. There’s no way she’ll run me over, right?
“Barbara, get out of the car. I’m staying right here until you do. You know that you can’t hurt me.” My words do have some effect on her because she opens her door and gets out. She wipes away the tears that are running down her cheeks.
“I am going to hurt you, Sebastian. I’m hurting you already. And you know what? It feels good. It feels good because you’ve been hurting me for years. I have given you everything and I have nothing more to give.”
“You know you don’t mean that, Barbara. You’re only saying that now to chase me away.”
She shakes her head and gets back into the car, slamming the door shut. I walk up to her and pound on her window with my fists. I hear the engine fire up and the car moves.
“Don’t go, Barbara. Come on, girl.” But it’s no use. She puts her foot on the gas and she’s gone. The car races passed the security guards, who look up in surprise. I watch her drive off, unable to believe what just happened.
14. Superman
Sebastian - a few days later
I’M FLYING. THE SKY is blue, clear blue, like on a warm summer’s day, and not a single cloud to be seen. Weightless, I let the wind carry me away. I’m startled for a moment by a brown-and-white spotted hawk that comes to fly next to me. He accompanies me for a while, flying past high mountaintops and over wild waters. It’s peaceful and quiet up here, and I realize, down there, where the river cuts through the earth violently and where the water smoothens the rock with great force, everything is far from peaceful. With that knowledge, I enjoy this moment immensely. From up here, all problems seem very far away. And they are—literally. Here, I have no plans, no resistance, no control, and no responsibility. The only thing I need to be is myself, and that feels wonderful.
In the distance, I hear a familiar female voice. “Yee-haw, Cowboy!” My heart starts beating faster. Nina is the only person on earth who calls me Cowboy. Quickly, I localize the source.
“Stellina!” She’s sitting in a kayak on the water, waving at me enthusiastically. My heart, which seems to have swollen in my chest, picks up the pace even more. I immediately start flying lower and change my course. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m going with your flow.”
“Go with the flow” is her favorite slogan. It means a lot to me that she’s going with my flow. With a mischievous look on her face, she crosses her bare legs, sticking out from under a short skirt. I admire them in wonder. Who on earth goes kayaking in a short skirt? She’s so wonderfully crazy and naughty. She’s mine and I love her.
Then, all of a sudden, her cheerfulness turns into fear. “Cowboy, look over there! A waterfall!” Alarmed, she starts paddling backward, but the water is a thousand times stronger than she is. I fly toward her in a rush and lift her off the little boat with ease.
“Don’t worry.” A look of relief crosses her face at my soothing words and she flings her arms around me. When she’s lying on my back, I fly us far away from the dangerous situation. Looking back, we see the kayak being taken away by the stream and disappearing into the wild waters. That’s okay, because I’m holding her safely in my arms. Nothing can happen to her as long as she is with me.
As soon as we’re flying nice and high again, we both enjoy the peacefulness. Her body against mine feels wonderful and her fruity perfume invokes a chemical reaction in my brain, making me feel stronger. When I pull her off my back and hold her firmly in front of me, we’re no longer flying forward, but remain floating in the same spot. As I wait for her reaction, my breathing becomes more shallow. Her fingers run through my hair, causing goose bumps, and my lips on her neck clear a path to her jaw. She whispers, “Cowboy,” as I reach her collarbone. My hand reacts to my nickname and finds a way to her thigh, while my thumb rotates higher and higher, ultimately ending up where she needs it the most.
We are in our own bubble, in our own world, in which only she and I exist. I want to stay here forever and never leave again. The moment is interrupted when I see fire in the distance. Angry dark clouds appear in the sky. Turning around, we find the source—a skyscraper is on fire. On the roof, there are three people, desperately calling for help and waving their arms. My Stellina looks at me with troubled eyes. I put her on my back and together, we fly toward the huge building. When we get closer, we discover it’s Noa, Cristina, and Barbara.
“We have to save them, Stellina! Hold on tight!” She nods and that is my sign to take action. We fly there at high speed. The women have their arms raised, ready to climb on top of me to escape the ominous sea of flames that is approaching. I do my utmost to get them onto my back, so we can fly away. That is not an easy task. I only have two arms and two legs. How on earth am I supposed to take all of them? We try our best to manage, but fail.
“Grab me, so we can go!” I yell at them. One of them grabs my arm, the other my leg and the last wraps her arms around my waist. With all them hanging from different limbs, I attempt to push off. I do so, one, two, three times, but I can’t manage to fly away. Alarmed, I look around me, searching for another solution. All of us run from the location where the fire rises high. When I look down over the edge of the building, I see a huge trampoline on the ground.
“Look! A trampoline! You have to jump down on it!” The women see it too and suddenly, relief rushes through me because that is the solution! That is what they need to do! The only thing they need to do is jump down. But all three of them look at me in disbelief.
“But, Sebastian, you can’t expect us to just jump down? See how high up we are? We would never survive such a drop!” Barbara screams.
“Come on, we don’t have time to hesitate and there is no other solution. You. Have. To. Jump!” I hope they can see in my eyes that I’m not joking. This is a life-threatening situation, can’t they see that?
“No, Sebastian!” Noa comes running at me and grabs my shirt. “We can’t jump. You have to save us!” she yells at me.
“Stay away from him!” Nina tries to come between us and pull Noa off of me, but Noa won’t let her.
“Noa, you need to save yourself now, sweetie! You can do it!” With an iron gaze, I try to reassure her.
“No! You have to save us. You!” I hear Barbara cry out.
Jesus! Must I always do everything? “Well then, come here. Hold on tight to me. I will try to get us out of here!”
They each grab a part of me again. An arm, a leg, my waist. Then I jump off the building. Very soon, I realize that flying will be difficult. With sharp, wild motions, we float through the air. For a moment, I manage to take us a little higher, but all of a sudden, we start plummeting. I’m trying my best to get us to the trampoline, but the wind is sharp and pushes us away from it, towards the river.
Not the river! The waterfall! We need to stay away from the waterfall! My thoughts are speeding through my head at eighty miles per hour, but in order not to scare my girls, I try to refrain from blurting out the words. To them, I’ve always been some kind of superhero. Every time there is a problem, I fix it. There is no problem I can’t fix. I always stay in control. Always.
“It’s all right. Everyone, remain calm now. I’ve got everything under control.” With a resolute tone, I try to put them at ease and I feel them cling to me even tighter.
“But, Cowboy, you are only human,” my Stellina whispers in my ear.
“No, baby, no need to be afraid. I will save you. I will save us all. It’ll be all right.”
But it’s not going to be all right, because we’re approaching the waterfall pretty fast and I can feel the power of the water rushing down pull at us. I pull too, as hard as I can, and try to get us out of there. The harder I try, the harder the waterfall seems to pull us in. The last thing I see is a wall of water coming at us. Then, everything goes quiet.
“Wake up, Cowboy.” Somewhere far way, I hear the sweet voice of my Stellina, I feel little kisses on my cheek. A bit closer, I feel fingers softly caressing my cheek. Closer yet, I smell a warm, fruity perfume. By that time, I realize this can no longer be a nightmare. My hands grab her butt and bring her body closer to mine. No, the nightmare is gone. I open my eyes to see my Stellina steadily changing my nightmare into a dream and then, with just as much ease, turning it into reality. My Stellina in my bed. In my arms. In my life. A dream that has become reality.
“Was it the same nightmare again, Cowboy?” She knows I often have nightmares, but I’ve never told her what they are about.
“Yes, just the same. And you? Do you still have nightmares?” I know she often dreams about her parents turning into zombies.
“No. Not anymore. Not since you. You are my personal nightmare chaser.”
“Good.” I’m so glad to hear that. It means she feels safe with me. So safe, even the nightmares cannot get to her anymore. I breathe in her calming scent a couple of times more and kiss her hair.
“Maybe it helps when you talk about it. Then I can help you chase them away.” She is so cute. She wants to help me and I’m not good at accepting help. I’ve always struggled with that. But is this Stellina. I want to help her and I want her to help me. I want us to become a team. Just like me and the girls. Or even better. So, I tell her my frequently recurring Superman dream.
“You do realize that you’re only human, don’t you, Cowboy?” She looks me in the eye. “You can’t solve every problem in this world. You feel responsible for everything, but as long as you do, you deprive others of the chance to face their own problems and do something about them. The problem is, they’ve grown accustomed to the fact that you fix everything, so their dependence on you becomes bigger and bigger. You keep people small without being aware of it, and at the same time, you drive yourself crazy. In addition, you are so extremely hard on yourself. You cannot anticipate every problem. You cannot be prepared for everything. That’s just not possible. Do you realize that?”
She’s right, one hundred percent. Cristina told me the same thing once. Still, I struggle with all of this. Especially with the latter because I believe in proper preparation. I believe in working in a structured fashion. It has served me well and I’m convinced that, the moment I derive from this, everything will fall apart. That I will lose control completely. That the fricking rope my dad is daggling from comes loose again and I will never get a hold of it again, no matter how hard I pull. Still, I do realize she’s right. I just don’t know if I can change.
I’m still pondering over that when I see her eyes sparkle before she speaks again. “Although ... in some ways, maybe you are a superhero. Because you do have certain super powers.”
“Do I? And what are those?”
“Your sexual abilities. And ... mind control. Because, when you’re around, women can only think of one thing.”
With a grin, I roll her under me and then I use all my super powers on her.
15. Doc Holliday
Nina - One week later
Today is a hot day. But tough girls are not affected by the weather. Good or bad, hot or cold, when it’s time to go running—even though they don’t feel like it, even though they hate it so much—they put on their tough-girl running clothes and they go. I’m a tough girl.
I know this because I have a tough guy who is kind of a dominant control freak, but who I can also stand up to pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Another reason I know is because I traded in my trucker girl existence for a big adventure with a tough superhero-cowboy-CEO and that this adventure not only resulted in the best sex I’ve ever had with a man who loves me, but I also have a great job here in America, that is surprisingly fulfilling.
One of the advantages is, I can enjoy my superhero-cowboy-CEO at home as well as at the office. And at work, he is even more attractive because he is the powerful, dominant manager calling all the shots. The way he walks the hallways, giving people instructions here and there, that self-confidence of his, it arouses me and not just a little bit. That is why sometimes, I can’t keep from giving him a little naughty surprise. In his office. In the restrooms. In the conference rooms.
My headphones play the wonderful sounds of Lloyd’s “Jigsaw.” The rhythm is perfect and my running shoes seem to want to move on their own. As I run, I think about the past couple of weeks and months. So far, living together with Cowboy has been a wonderful experience. There is nothing better than his big hands on my body while I sleep, after which those body parts wake up and want more.
But it’s not just about sex. He is also really intelligent and compassionate. There is no one in this world who understands me as well as he does. If my life were a highway, it would have definitely led to this beautiful place. To a beautiful man, who might have his issues, yes, but who doesn’t? That doesn’t mean he can’t be giving, gentle, thoughtful and, to my surprise, even pretty funny at times. He loves to tease me and is very good at that. He knows how to find my buttons and enjoys pushing them too. Not in an annoying way, but in a subtle way, which shows that he knows me well, like only few people do.
When I talk, he actually listens. And it doesn’t matter what I’m babbling about, he always finds me interesting. He is patient. He calls me Stellina and when he does, and I love the sound of his voice when he does, giving me goose bumps every single time. He gives himself to me and, more importantly, he lets me be myself.
Ooh, I love this song! “Shake the Ground” by Hedegaard, which is more upbeat, and means I have to run faster. Once I reach the park, I look to both sidesof the road carefully before crossing. It’s my luck there’s no one coming, so I can maintain my speed. I feel that running isn’t as hard for me as it was in the beginning. I’m unstoppable. It must have something to do with the “physical exercise” Cowboy and I are doing that helped me get in great shape.
As I run, I get lost in my thoughts. My relationship with Cowboy is not easy. It’s not comfortable and relaxed. He is too bossy. Too dominant. Too worried. He’s too negative sometimes while I’m too much of a smarty pants. This clash causes us to fight a lot. I’ve learned I feel awful when he’s mad at me, which is totally unfair because it doesn’t seem to trouble him at all if I’m mad at him.
But one way or the other, we ignite sparks. Sparks that are full of energy and life. That is why our relationship is never boring or predictable. We always try to understand each other, even when we don’t agree. It’s fun to be his Stellina and it’s even more fun seeing my things mixed in with his. My deodorant next to his, my clothes in his closet.
I’ve been in my head so long, I’ve reached the end of the park. I cross to the other side of the road. It’s a gorgeous day and I’m glad I decided to go run outside instead of the treadmill. Once again, Cowboy didn’t like the idea of me running outside. He is so protective and afraid I might get lost or that something will happen to me. Luckily, I’m starting to get a pretty good idea of where everything is and also make sure I always have my phone with me, with Google Maps on it. I know our address, which is also programmed in it, so I really can’t get lost. What on earth could go wrong? Besides, he had an appointment today and isn’t around to stop me, so I’m doing what I want. Ha!
