Uncle johns bathroom rea.., p.1

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores, page 1

 

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores
 



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Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores


  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  Ashland, Oregon, and San Diego, California

  UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER SHOOTS AND SCORES UPDATED & EXPANDED

  Copyright © 2011 by Portable Press. All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  “Bathroom Reader,” “Portable Press,” and “Bathroom Readers’ Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor, Inc. All rights reserved.

  For information, write…

  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520

  www.bathroomreader.com

  e-mail: mail@bathroomreader.com

  Page 321: Earliest known photograph of women’s hockey (Isobel Stanley, Lord Stanley’s daughter, is in white). Rideau Hall, Ottawa, Canada (circa 1890). Source: Library and Archives Canada/Proud past, bright future: one hundred years of Canadian women’s hockey/AMICUS 13669816/Page 6/nlc-5953

  eISBN: 978-1-60710-652-4

  E-book edition: June 2012

  CONGRATULATIONS!

  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute would like to congratulate the members of the BRI AllStar Shinny Team for their tremendous effort and great sportsmanship, and for making this book possible.

  THE “WRITE” LINE

  The journalists and writers who scouted the rinks and went into overtime in their quest for the most interesting hockey facts and stories.

  Frank “Faster than Bobby” Orr (Captain) — Center

  Mark “The Fog” Weisenmiller — Right Wing

  Rob “Emmy” Adler — Left Wing

  Kevin “Pappa” Woodley — Defense

  Lucas “Barbershop” Aykroyd — Defense

  Jeff “The Human Highlight Film” Rud — Rover

  Adam “Suitcase” Schroeder — Goalie

  Sue “Sweet Feet” Steiner — Goalie

  Thom “Too Tall” Little — Enforcer

  Derek “The Impossiblist” Fairbridge — Team Hypnotherapist

  BEHIND THE BENCH

  The editors and designers who pulled the team together and made a book out of it.

  Silas “Roadrunner” White — Assistant Coach

  Alexandra “The Hammer” Wilson — Equipment Manager

  Teresa “Boom Boom” Bubela — General Manager

  Michael “Miracle” Brunsfeld — Team Mascot

  AND THANK YOU!

  To everyone else behind the scenes who helped pull together this “miracle on ice.”

  Gordon Javna

  JoAnn Padgett

  Melinda Allman

  Amy Miller

  Jay Newman

  Monica Maestas

  Annie Lam

  Ginger Winters

  Jennifer Frederick

  Sydney Stanley

  Gary Lloyd

  Michelle Benjamin

  Jennifer Thornton

  Jennifer Browning

  Mana Monzavi

  Dylan Drake

  Antonia Banyard

  Cindy Connor

  Jamie Broadhurst

  Paddy Laidley

  Sandy Cooper

  Pete MacDougall

  John Sawyer

  Danielle Johnson

  Tom “Dijon” Mustard

  All our great friends at Raincoast

  Duncan McCallum and Friesens

  Sophie and JJ

  Publishers Group West

  And special greetings to Allan “the Godfather” MacDougall

  * * * * *

  DID YOU KNOW?

  In 2000, the year of his death, Maurice “Rocket” Richard became the only NHL player to have his number honored in a professional sport other than hockey. For the entire season that year, the Montreal Expos honored Richard’s memory by wearing his iconic #9 on the sleeves of their uniforms.

  CONTENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  UNCLE JOHN’S EARLY YEARS OF HOCKEY

  Where It All Began

  Miner League Hockey?

  The Real Millionaires

  From Renfrew to Replays

  Hockey in the Trenches

  Hockey Hero

  When Hockey Trumped Hitler

  First Photo

  THOSE OTHER LEAGUES

  Down in the Eh, Eh?

  The 10-Cent-Beer-Night Caper!!

  The “Other” Big League

  Jet-Propelled Oilers

  Their Cup Runneth Over

  Other NHLs

  On the Table

  THE GREATS

  The Fabulous Nines

  Hockey’s First Olympic MVP

  Brothers-In-Twine

  Béliveau Says No

  Crossover Artists

  Direct Lines

  1987: Pure Heaven

  Red

  Bobby Orr of Hockey Lore

  The Great Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Hockey Quiz

  The First Great Draft

  The Great One

  The Many Sides of Tie

  Defining Moment in Hockey

  LAW & ORDER

  The Richard Riot

  Injured, Weirdly

  Legendary Meltdowns

  The Men in Stripes

  The Green-Maki Stick Fight

  The Bodyguard

  THE RECORD BOOK

  Medical Records

  And the Award Goes To…

  The Versatile Dit

  A Young Man’s Game

  Sophomore Jinx

  Hockey Goes to Hollywood

  A Novel Game

  Vital Statistics

  Keep It in the Family

  The Long and Short of It

  THE ROAD TO THE CUP

  Stanley Cup Strata

  Models of Consistency

  The Longest Road Trip

  Big, Bad, and Broad

  Draft Day Drama

  Lengthy Stays on the Throne

  Best in the Crunch

  Hold That Tiger

  OFF-ICE PERSONALITIES

  Was the Major a Kernel?

  He Shoots! He Scores!

  Losing with Pizzazz

  Best Behind the Bench

  Jolly Jack?

  Gallivan-ting

  Doughnut Disaster

  The Legend of Taro Tsujimoto

  Irrepressible Roger

  THE CHARACTERS

  A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Rink

  The Vanished Leaf

  Eddie, You’re Out!

  Tiger Talk

  Eddie Shore’s Wild Ride

  A Boy and His Dog

  Buzzer Beaters

  Winner’s Heart in A Comedian’s Body

  All Bets Are Off

  Those Nutty Netminders

  The Fabulous Fatman

  Clear the Track!

  The Noble Goalie

  Father Hockey

  UNSUNG PIONEERS OF THE GAME

  Hockey’s Color Change

  Stay-at-Home Czechs and Russians

  The Founding Father of Modern-Day Goaltending

  Skirts and Slapshots

  The Flying Fem Finn

  Europe Invades

  Shattering the Ice Ceiling

  The Stylish Swede

  More Than Just a Game

  Pioneer on Ice

  THE WORLD STAGE

  Goal(s) Heard ’Round the World

  A Woman’s Game

  The Big Red Machine

  Wild at the World Hockey Championships

  Miracle on Ice

  Sinden’s Thoughts on Glasnost
r />   BLOOPERS & MISCUES

  Engraving Errors

  Don’t Bother to Knock

  Brief Tour of Duty

  Don’t Mention That Trade

  When You Gotta Go

  Million Dollar “M”

  So Be Good, for Goodness Sake!

  Things Not to Say to the Boss’ Wife

  May the Best Man Win

  ACCESSORIES OF HOCKEY

  A Numbers Game

  N-H-L-Mets

  How to Make Ice

  The Masked Marvel

  A Tale of Two Blockers

  Masked Messages

  Z Is for Zamboni

  Equipment Pioneers

  How to Make a Hockey Puck

  Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Puck

  How to Marry a Millionaire

  Hairy Times in Hockey

  UNDERDOGS, UNDERACHIEVERS, & UNLIKELY HEROES

  Little Big Men

  Hero for a Game

  Hey Kid! Suit Up!

  Their 15 Minutes

  Sieves and Swiss Cheese

  Rare Jewel and a King

  What Ever Happened To…?

  CEREMONIES & SUPERSTITIONS

  You Are Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy

  Very Superstitious

  Curse of Muldoon

  Animal Icecapades

  The Battle of Alberta

  Are All Goalies Crackpots?

  The Incredible Goodbyes

  MIXED BAG

  The Name Game

  Donors v. Recipients

  Hockey? Good Grief

  Slap Shot Science

  8 Places to Sk8 Before You Die

  Stick Action (Off the Ice)

  Nude Hockey News

  Weird Hockey News

  THE BUSINESS OF HOCKEY

  The House That Smythe Built

  Rise of the Union

  Morenz Money, Not More Money

  Owners of the Game

  It’s All About the Game…Or Is It?

  The Labor Front

  The Duke and the Tampa Bay Lightning

  Hype and Pucks in New York

  LET ’EM ENTERTAIN YOU

  Paris Hilton: Hockey Player

  Sitcom Hockey

  Hockey Pubs

  Welcome to Hockeyville

  THE LAST PAGE

  * * * * *

  “Every day is a great day for hockey.”

  —Mario Lemieux

  INTRODUCTION TO THE NEW EDITION

  WELCOME, HOCKEY FANS!

  What do a bunch of West Coast pop culture geeks know about hockey? That’s the challenge our friends in Canada gave us back in 2005 when we published the first Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Shoots and Scores. They even bet us four loonies and a case of Molson that we couldn’t do it, but we surprised them with a colossal compendium chock full of facts, figures, and trivia tidbits. Hockey has changed since then, though, and Uncle John wondered recently if it would be a good idea to update our book for all our new fans.

  THEY SHOOT! THEY SCORE!

  So last winter, when most of us at the BRI were spending too many chilly weekends glued to our sofas watching Hockey Night in Canada on satellite, Uncle John called us “a bunch of slovenly Americans” and encouraged us to get out there and actually play some hockey instead…for inspiration.

  We still didn’t have any ice, so once again, it was shinny—road hockey—for us. We headed out to the frozen concrete in front of the BRI with our taped-up sticks, a couple of old tennis balls, and two plungers for goal posts. After some annoying vehicular interruptions (“CAR!”), we got right to it, impersonating our favorite hockey heroes on our ultimate dream teams: “Gretzky passes to Lemieux, Lemieux streaks past Hull, Messier races in and steals the puck, he passes to Jagr who hammers it at the net, Crosby reaches for it…he SCOOOORES! And they win the Stanley Cup!”

  After the game, the BRI AllStar Shinny Team got to talking about the updated edition: playing hockey was pretty fun, and reading more about it was bound to be a blast! So we decided to dust off our old copies of Shoots and Scores and plunge into all the new hockey trivia out there to see if there was enough to update and expand the book. After a bucket of fries with vinegar and three cups of cocoa each (well, Amy had tea), eureka! We discovered that there was!

  UJ DRAFT DAY

  So we enlisted the help of all the hockey fans we know (“hockey experts,” they call themselves), and they came up with more than 70 new pages of interesting stories, hilarious history, fascinating quotes, and at least four entirely useless facts.

  So get ready for the puck to drop. There are no refs in this game (though we do mention a few in the book…), but please try to stay out of the penalty box. Enjoy! Game on!

  And as always…

  Go with the flow, eh?

  —Uncle John and the BRI Staff

  THE NAME GAME

  Want to know why you call your favorite hockey team the Stars, the Flames, or the Devils? Read on.

  • The Calgary Flames inherited their name from the Atlanta Flames when that franchise was sold and relocated to Alberta in 1980. The original team was named after the fire that General William T. Sherman’s Union troops set in Atlanta as they blazed their way across the South at the end of the U.S. Civil War.

  • The name of the Columbus Blue Jackets was also inspired by Civil War history. It’s a reference to the blue uniforms worn by Union soldiers and celebrates the fact that Ohio contributed more soldiers per capita to the war than any other state in the Union. (Ohio is also the home state of pyromaniacal General Sherman—see above.)

  • The Dallas Stars were not so-named because Texas is the “Lone Star State.” The franchise was originally the Minnesota North Stars, named for Minnesota’s state motto: “L’Etoile du Nord” (French for “star of the North”). The team moved to Dallas in 1993, but left the “North” part behind.

  • The Nashville Predators are named in tribute to the saber-toothed cat bones that were found in 1971 in downtown Nashville when workmen were excavating land for the construction of a new bank.

  • When the NHL’s Colorado Rockies relocated to New Jersey in 1982, they renamed themselves the New Jersey Devils for a mysterious, evil, winged creature called the “Jersey Devil” that, legend says, roamed the Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey in the 18th, 19th, and early 20th centuries.

  • The inspiration for the name Tampa Bay Lightning actually comes from the weather. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Tampa is the “lightning capital of the nation.” In June 1993, at the conclusion of the franchise’s first NHL season, more than 21,000 cloud-to-ground lightning flashes occurred within a 50-mile radius of Tampa Bay.

  DONORS V. RECIPIENTS

  Are you ready for some…er…interesting hockey?

  PRIEST v. SEMINARIANS

  Every February, priests from across the U.S. and Canada congregate at the St. Thomas Aquinas Seminary (a Roman Catholic high school in Winona, Minnesota) for meetings on religious topics. They also have a hockey game. Every year since 1988, the visiting priests form a team and face off at a local ice arena against a team of kids from the school. “When they all meet at center ice and do their Latin prayer,” says rink manager Jim Martin, “it really is surreal.” Best part: many of the priests choose to play in their robes. (The priests have beaten the kids just twice in the game’s history.)

  SEEING V. NON-SEEING

  If you ever get a chance to see the Toronto-based Ice Owls play hockey, the first thing you’ll notice is that the game sounds different. That’s because the puck is hollow…and filled with bits of metal that make it rattle as it moves across the ice. That’s so the Ice Owl players, who are either vision-impaired or completely blind, can hear it. The Ice Owls have been around since 1972, and every year they play in benefit games all over Canada. (You can find their schedule on their Web site.)

  TISSUE DONORS V. TISSUE RECIPIENTS

  In April 2011, two hockey teams faced off in Halifax, Nova Scotia. One team was made up of people
who had donated organ tissue to people in need of transplants. The other: people who had received organ transplants. It was the second annual “Donor v. Recipient” hockey game, brainchild of Halifax-based “Life: Pass It On,” an organ donation advocacy group. Among the players on the recipient side: goalie Trevor Umlah, whom the organization’s Web site describes as an “ice hockey goalie with a slow glove hand, gaping 5-hole, cystic fibrosis, and brand new lungs.” Winner of the 2011 game: Everybody. (Although the score was Recipients, 3, Donors 2.)

  ENGRAVING ERRORS

  As the largest trophy awarded by any major North American professional sports league, the Stanley Cup has a lot of surface area—lots of room for names to be engraved…and lots of room for errors.

  • Hockey Hall of Fame goalie Jacques Plante won the Cup six times and his name suffered four different misspellings: Jocko, Jack, Jacq, and Plant.

  • A few other Hall of Famers also experienced misspelled names: in 1951, Toronto’s Ted Kennedy became Kennedyy; in 1952, Detroit’s Alex Delvecchio became Belvecchio, and teammate Glenn Hall became Glin. (Hall shouldn’t even have been included that year; he didn’t play for Detroit until the next season.)

  • Dickie Moore won six Cups with the Montreal Canadiens, and his name was rendered five different ways: D. Moore, Richard Moore, R. Moore, Dickie Moore, and Rich Moore.

  • Pete Palangio appears twice on the Cup, despite winning it only once. His name was accidentally engraved twice as a member of the 1938 Chicago Black Hawks…once correctly and once as Palagio.

  • Even the names of the teams themselves weren’t foolproof. According to the inscription, the Cup was won by the Toronto Maple “Leaes” in 1963, by the “Bqstqn” Bruins in 1972, and the New York “Ilanders” in 1981.

  • Edmonton Oilers owner Peter Pocklington tried to pull a fast one on the NHL when his team won the Cup in 1984. As a tribute to his dad Basil, a huge hockey fan, he sneaked his father’s name into the list of team names. Alas, the NHL caught up to him and had the name “Basil Pocklington” deleted by having X’s engraved over each letter.

  • In 1996 Adam Deadmarsh of the Cup-winning Colorado Avalanche became the first player inscribed on the cup in NHL history to be honored with a correction. His name was initially spelled “Deadmarch.”

  MEDICAL RECORDS

  Like all professional team sports, hockey keeps track of its players’ distinguished statistical achievements. But what about those not-so-distinguished records? Here are four that show just how dangerous the game is.

 
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